The Book Nerd’s Guide to Surviving Thanksgiving (After Dinner)

Welcome to the Book Nerd’s Guide to Life! Every other week, we convene in this safe place to discuss the unique challenges of life for people whose noses are always wedged in books. For past guides, click here.
One week from now, you’ll be pushing the limits of an elastic waistband while trying to drown out Uncle Fred’s opinions on the 2016 presidential race. When the family gets together, sometimes you just can’t get cranberry sauced enough. You love ’em, sure, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to make an afternoon’s worth of unguided conversation with them.
Once the food’s gone, all that’s left to do is hope everyone’s interested in football, or napping. But you could just curl up with a book and avoid it, right? Nah, we all know how that goes. It’s just an endless barrage of questions: what are you reading? Is it as weird as it sounds? Why are you reading? Don’t you want to play Trivial Pursuit with the rest of the cousins you never get to see?
But we of the written word tend to be a resourceful lot. Surely there are ways to combine your family with your pathological need to read, right? Right. All you have to do is look at Thanksgiving in a new book light.
Family wants to play a game? Find your old Authors deck.
Remember Authors, also known as Go Fish for dweebs? Aunt Marge is just using this game to keep herself awake anyway. She might as well do it with Louisa May Alcott.
Arts and crafts time? DIY bookmarks should do the trick.
Clear off that kiddie table and instill in the youngsters (and your poor sad teenaged cousins) the gift of reading responsibly. There’s nothing more important for kids these days than to have their own bookmarks handy, especially if they’re going to be borrowing any of your well-cared-for books.
Need to find an agreeable movie? Use your Netflix account.
Surely any book nerd worth his or her salt has “Movies Based on Books” as a category of interest. No need to hide it; the number of times you’ve watched Jane Eyre adaptations is known only to you and the streaming algorithm. No judgment here.
Dad wants to toss around the ol’ pigskin? Grab a broom.
Look, all your pops really wants is some quality athletic bonding, and I’m sure once you explain to him the elegant rules of Quidditch, he’ll be fully on board with the change-up. He’s not going to believe you about the Snitch loophole, of course, so make sure to win with some modesty and grace.
None of these worked? Oh, just let them nap.
Soothe your kin as best you can. Shovel more pie down them if you must. As long as they’re asleep, you’ve got an all-access pass to distraction-free, one-on-one time with your latest book club pick. You can work on familial togetherness at Christmas.