Ask A Literary Lady

12 (Kind of Emotionally Manipulative) Ways to Get Your Parents to Read Your Favorite Book

By Ginni Chen / January 28, 2015 at 11:30 am

Dear Literary Lady,
I bought my parents a copy of the funniest book I read in 2014, Spoiled Brats, by Simon Rich. And they WILL NOT read it. “Fine,” I said. “Send it back if you’re not going to read it. I’ll give it to someone else.” OKAY, THEY SAID. I still want them to read it but I’ve tried everything, including being a passive-aggressive brat. HOW CAN I FORCE THEM TO READ THIS BOOK?
L.P., New York, NY.
 
Dear L.P.,
Parents are a notoriously tough crowd when it comes to forcing them to do something they’re not interested in doing. Especially when it’s something you want them to do. Unlike your peers, your parents have had your entire lifetime to build up immunity to your skills of persuasion and passive-aggression. You’ve shown them your cards and given too much of your strategy away simply by being a teenager in their household for years.
So what I advocate are a host of different tactics entirely. Depending on what your parents are like, any or all of the following may work:

  1. Tell them you’re eloping with the author of the book. That’ll get your parents to pay attention and do their due diligence on who this new fellow is—including reading the book. Then tell them you were just joking.
  2. Whenever you call your parents on the phone, start reading the book out loud to them. Refuse to engage in any other conversation.
  3. Record yourself reading the entire book and demand your parents listen to your book-on-tape debut.
  4. Send them letters that are just pages of the book. If it’s transcribed in your own beautiful penmanship, your parents can’t help but read it and tape it to the fridge.
  5. Tell there’s a mother and a father figure in the book that acts exactly like them. Refuse to elaborate on this comparison and tell them to read the book.
  6. Plan a surprise getaway for your parents and give them two copies of the book to enjoy side by side on the beach or in a cozy winter cabin.
  7. Go on strike! Refuse to do whatever your parents nag you to do until they read the book. “Honey, please, you should smile more, try to dress better sweetie, bring a sweater with you when you go, iron your jeans, meet a nice person and settle down, call me when you get there, when will you give me grandkids…”
  8. Send them photographs hidden in the pages of the book. Parents LOVE photos of their progeny, and they’ll root through the entire book (and read it!) to collect every snapshot of your smiling mug.
  9. Bombard your parents’ friends with the book. Oh, Mom, you didn’t feel like reading the book? That’s too bad, because I sent Barb, Doree, and Jean from your spinning class copies of the book. They read it and they loved it.
  10. Change their wifi, Netflix, iTunes, and online account passwords (since you’re the only tech-savvy one, anyway). Write the new passwords in the book and make them read it.
  11. Refuse to accept their Facebook friend requests until they’ve read the book. If you’re already Facebook friends with your parents, post on their wall incessantly and “poke” them until they read the book.
  12. Tell them you need their help writing a paper on the book. They’ll be so excited to help with a homework assignment, they’ll forget you graduated from school years ago.

You may think some of these measures are extreme and manipulative. They are. But remember, it’s for their own good. They’ll thank you once they’ve read the book, just like you secretly thank them for not letting you get body piercings at the mall and forcing you to learn to drive stick. Literature is all about tough love.
Love and paperbacks,
Literary Lady