31 Completely Acceptable Reasons To Break Up With a Book

ssmar19In a perfect world, every book you open transforms you and you can’t stop reading it and when you get to the end you find yourself in a minor bout of depression, dreaming at night of where the characters have gone. But every so often you get that book that you CANNOT finish. You! The one who reads three books a week! The one who reads EVERYTHING! The one who finds good everywhere she goes! It happens to all of us, and it’s okay. Here are 31 perfectly good reasons to put that book down and never look back. Can we get a Hallelujah? (Or at the very least, add your own reasons in the comments!)

1 .The heroic protagonist has the same unconventional name as your ex.

2. You have run your eyes over the beginning of chapter four several times, but can’t remember if the book is dystopian or biography.

3. Every time you start reading it, you have the urge to turn on the television set.

4. The accurate description of the painfully awkward main character hits way too close to home.

5. Reading, you realize that the book was probably written about you. And the author is your ex-boyfriend. (It didn’t end well.)

6. The book makes you fall asleep, even if you just downed two shots of espresso and participated in a flash mob to the tune of Pharrell’s “Happy.”

7. The book is set in the town you grew up in, and you know that people in your hometown say “pop,” not “soda.”

8. There’s a typo on the first page.

9. The plot makes no sense. That character died already! And this isn’t Life After Life!

10. The kids in the book are smarter than you are, and that’s just annoying.

11. The font is Papyrus.

12. Turns out, just because it was a best-seller doesn’t mean it’s fun to get through.

13. You can feel your IQ drop with each passing sentence.

14. It’s giving you nightmares.

15. The book has spontaneously combusted. (Two copies of it.)

16. Everything you read starts happening to you in real life, like that one episode of “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”

17. You’re 30 pages in, and the author has only used 60 different words.

18. The plot twist is so complicated that reading about it is damaging your brain.

19. Your psychic told you that if you finished reading, it you would have bad luck for 7 years. (Unless it’s a really good book.)

20. Midway through, you realize, “Wait a minute! I don’t speak French!”

21. Your cat has taken a liking to sitting on top of pages 98 and 99, and you don’t see him getting up any time soon.

22. You just aren’t enjoying yourself. Nobody has to be a hero, here. If you don’t like something, quit.

23. Every time you pick it up, you mysteriously get “The Chicken Dance” song stuck in your head.

24. Every single review of the book calls it a “tour de force.” And that’s all they say about it.

25. When people ask you what you’re reading, your stomach sinks and you are overcome with a feeling of despair.

26. Since you got stuck in the middle of it, you’ve stopped reading other books, which means you aren’t reading anything anymore.

27. That particular copy was cursed by a shaman/buried and exhumed from an evil pirate’s shallow grave.

28. All of the character’s names are Cary (even the guys), and things are getting super confusing.

29. You realize that the author has completely ripped off the plot of The Hunger Games, only in this book, the contestants are engaged in a quiet game of Corn Hole at their Nana’s house. And there’s no Peeta.

30. It’s so sad your tears have permanently damaged your vision.

31. There’s so much awkward/petty fighting, you feel like you’re watching an episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

What reasons have you had for breaking up with a book?

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