5 Questions for Nick Offerman at his #BNAuthorEvent
On Tuesday, Nick Offerman dropped by the Union Square B&N to read from his latest book, Gumption: Relighting the Torch of Freedom with America’s Gutsiest Troublemakers. He began: “Let’s shut off your noisemakers, please. All the way off. Let’s put them in our pockets. Now everyone shut your eyes and just gently feel around, touch your neighbors. This is going to be fun.” After reading a few chapters, he answered questions from the audience. (And one quick question from me, while he signed my book.)
Audience member: Which president do you most closely relate to?
I don’t know that much about most of them because I’m ignorant. There are things about Washington and Theodore Roosevelt that I would emulate. They’re pretty badass. And I’m a guy in our modern era which means I’m basically like a 3-year-old wimpy kid when held up next to them. But I like Roosevelt’s bombastic nature and stamina and it’s something I would shoot for hoping to get a quarter way of his score.
Audience member: Of the people still living, what were their reactions to the book?
I’ll repeat the questions. The first question was, which president’s genitalia do you think I’d measure up to. The second question was, of the people still living, what were their reactions to the book?
[laughter ensues]
I could not get a hold of Willie Nelson. I tried too hard. He eluded me. When I had the idea for the book, I thought, “I can ride this to meet some people I want to meet.” I tried to get a hold of Oprah and Hilary, because they are pretty amazing heroes, but they for some reason did not return my calls. Or my pigeons. But other than that they were all so lovely and generous. Most of them didn’t know who the hell I was. They were like, “Who’s this weird kid who wants to put me in his dumb book?” And they really gave me their time, and, it’s funny—the things that made me want to put them in the book also made them generous and wise characters each in their own way.
Audience member: So it made you happy you chose them.
It really did. Except for Conan. It started off well, but he ended up getting really handsy with me. Which I like a little bit of.
Audience member: I’m sure Megan got jealous.
She was involved. She was holding one end of the ball gag. It was very rewarding. I’m glad that I was able to be brought to completion. By which I mean publication.
Audience member: Is there anyone that, if you had all access, you’d love to write a biography on?
Gosh, um. Sure. Maybe somebody like David Bowie or Yoko, who’s in my book. But Yoko is so vast and deep I think she would require an encyclopedic volume. I’m just scratching the surface, here. Somebody like Yoko has been places that would blow our minds, but are just a brunch to her. I’m really excited about her exhibit at MOMA. Her work that’s she’s continued her whole life. I’m really thrilled by her. It’s an honor to have her in my book, and there’s a great treat in the end of the book from Yoko.
Audience member: What’s your favorite kind of wood?
It’s hard to pick. There’s lots of really good kinds of wood. But if I can only pick one, I’d pick American White Oak. It’s so strong that they make ships out of it and they called the ships Old Ironsides. It’s an incredible substance. Is that what you were thinking? Are you more of a maple?
Me: Which word is your favorite?
Gumption. Gumption’s a pretty good word.
