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Ask a Literary Lady: My Friend is Trying to Read Above Her Level
Dear Literary Lady,
My friend isn’t a big reader, but she always tries to read whatever book I’m reading. I know this sounds terrible but I always want to tell her that she won’t like it because it’s too difficult for her, or that she won’t “get” the book. I don’t want to sound like a jerk though. What should I do?
– A.D., Columbus, OH
Dear A.D.,
I think it’s important to ask yourself why you feel the need to intervene. I understand that you may have the best of intentions, but telling your friend anything along the lines of “this book may be too difficult or inaccessible to you” will always come across as patronizing. You’re right to refrain from doing so, and you should continue to refrain from doing so, but what is it that makes you want to say anything at all?
Here’s why I ask. Depending on your answer, there will be different ways of addressing your concerns without making your friend feel intellectually inferior. Are you concerned that, (a) by biting off more than she can chew, your friend is going to feel bad about herself? (b) that if she has difficulty with the book, it’s going to make her dislike reading more? Or, (c) that she’s “new” at reading and shouldn’t just jump to your level?
If you’re worried that your friend is going to feel bad about herself because she might struggle with book she’s chosen, let her know it was a difficult book for you too. Say something like, “Wow, I had trouble getting through that book” or “I found it really dense and a bit tedious—I had to keep looking things up to keep track of the events.” Share your own experience with the book, rather than your doubts about your friend’s abilities. She’s reading the same book as you because she admires your reading taste and literary knowledge, so it would be meaningful for her to know what you thought.
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If you’re worried that your friend is going to be turned off of reading entirely because she’ll find the experience unenjoyable, make other recommendations. Say something like, “This book was good but I really enjoyed _______ more. It’s about a similar topic, but I liked that one better.” Be candid about whether you thought the book was fun, “This is a great book, but I actually thought _____ was more fun to read. Maybe you should check that one out first.”
Again, speak to your experiences and not your assumption about hers. You think another book is more fun; you would read that one first. You can even be frank about your end goals when giving your friend other recommendations, “I want you to enjoy reading as much as I do, so I’m steering you towards the books I absolutely loved that I think you will too.”
Lastly, if you consider your friend “new” at reading and you don’t think she should be trying to read at your level, my advice is to stop trying to parent your friend’s reading. Think back to when you were a younger, more inexperienced reader. Didn’t we all try to tackle books that were beyond our level? What did friends, parents, and teachers say? Did they encourage or discourage you?
Every reader tries their hand at well-known titles and authors, wanting to see what they’re all about. We all aspire to complete the reading lists of brilliant people we admire, even though we may not be at their “level.” And for every book we’ve read and enjoyed, we’ve all made an equal number of failed attempts at reading Finnegan’s Wake. It’s all part of becoming a reader.
So don’t assign your friend a “reading level” and impose it on her. Don’t discourage her attempts to read what you’ve read. Step aside and let her read what she wants to read. If she struggles with it, if she gives up on the book or on reading entirely, that’s your cue to jump in and help.
Love and paperbacks,
Literary Lady