Ask a Literary Lady: Tips for Reading a Book That I’m Embarrassed About?

Dear Literary Lady,
What are some clever ways of hiding a book you’re embarrassed to be seen with? Sometimes I just don’t want my friends, coworkers, or even random strangers to see what book I’m reading.
–S.G., Chicago IL
Dear S.G.,
I hear you. People are always judging books by their covers, and then judging the people reading those books. The old adage, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover,” exists because that’s precisely what people like to do—evaluate everyone else’s reading material. I know because I’m guilty of it all the time. You probably are, too.
Sometimes we just want to read books we know others will appraise with a dubious eye. Sometimes it’s a novel that’s a guilty pleasure. Sometimes it’s something scandalous and pulpy. Once in a while, it’s a perfectly normal novel we’re afraid to be seen reading because we should have it read it eons ago.
All this is to say: it’s harsh out there, and sometimes you just want to read a book without worrying about spectators being silently critical. So here are some tips for hiding what you’re reading, and enjoying it with abandon:
1. Get an ereader
It’s the perfect way to hide whatever you’re reading from prying eyes, and it looks perfectly natural. Nobody will have an inkling about what you’re reading, and the only thing you need to worry about is not laughing, or blushing, in public.
2. Make yourself some book covers
Book covers or book jackets are ostensibly a way of protecting your novel from wear and tear, but they also do a handy job of obscuring the cover of your book. People will see you reading and assume you’re just being fastidious about maintaining your book’s brand-new condition. Little do they know . . .
3. Put your book in your lap
Are you Nook-less and jacket-less? Put your book in your lap. Face down to read. Not only do you hide what you’re reading from the world, you’re also hiding your face, so it’s a double whammy for anyone shying away from inquisitive coworkers and fellow commuters.
4. Read behind your bag
On a crowded bus or train, or even a park bench, balance your bag on your lap and hold your book up behind it. Nobody will know what literary wonders you’re experiencing on the sly. They’ll just think you’re a very considerate person who doesn’t take up a lot of space!
5. Use your laptop
This one’s perfect for sneaking some pages in while you’re dying of boredom at your desk. Open your laptop and prop your book up against the screen. Now you can read while you’re at work and still look like you’re staring intently at TPS reports.
6. Use a friend as a foil
Find a really good friend who’s less sensitive to public scrutiny than you. Make them hold the book while you read over their shoulder. Nudge them whenever you want them to turn the page.
7. Look professional
This one’s my favorite. Hold a pen and some sticky notes while you read. Pretend that whatever you’re reading is actually an assignment for your thesis, or an article, or some other highly intellectual, seemingly important activity. People will not only cease to pass judgment on your reading material, they’ll think you’re a scholar, a tastemaker, or a member of the literati.
8. Let it go
Stop caring what people think. Read what you want. As Haruki Murakami said, “If you only read books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” So go ahead and read differently.
Love and paperbacks,
Literary Lady