I Ruined a Borrowed Book; Do I Have to Replace It?

Ask Ginni, our resident Literary Lady, anything you want to know about reading and relationships! She’ll comb the books and wrack her brains to help you out with your page-turning problems, your wordy woes, and your novel nuisances. Fire away, Bookworms!

Dear Literary Lady,
I accidentally ruined a book a friend let me borrow. Should I tell him, or sneakily replace it? That’d be a waste, right, since he already read it?
Nick, Toledo OH

Dear Nick,

Ever heard the saying “Two wrongs don’t make a right”? Let that be your guiding principle in this situation. You already messed up by ruining a book your friend lent you. That’s a misstep that’s pretty understandable and usually forgivable. We all lose things, drop things, accidentally set things on fire when attempting to cook. Don’t, however, compound the error by choosing to be less than completely honest or lying by omission.

My advice? You should definitely tell your friend about ruining the book, apologize, and replace the book, even if it’s one that he’s already read. 

Here’s why:

Books have sentimental value. A book, as a tangible, singular object, can fall into three categories. It can be (1) a book of no sentimental value, (2) a book of sentimental value because of its contents, or, lastly, (3) a book of sentimental value because of its contents and its significance as an object.

In the first instance, it could be a book that your friend doesn’t particularly like, one that was lent to you in an offhand manner, or a book your friend doesn’t really care if gets back. If this is the case, then it likely won’t upset your friend too much if you come clean and say you ruined it. They may not even care if you replace it, in which case you can buy them a new book instead!

Now, books that are of sentimental value because of their contents—these are books your friend lent you because they thought the novel, the story, the work itself, was worth sharing. Your friend may have lent you the book in question, glowing with anticipation, because he wanted you to read one of the best novels he’s ever read. In this case, you should tell him you lost his particular copy and you should absolutely replace it. You’re not going to fool him by sneakily replacing it, either—a copy of someone’s favorite book is likely well-thumbed and dog-eared, showing all the signs of being literarily loved and lived in.

Now the last kind of book is the trickiest, but it’s the one where honesty and your apology matters the most. These are books that are of sentimental value not only because they’re great reads, but because that particular volume means something to your friend. Maybe it’s a copy inherited from his grandfather, or given to him by an old friend, or a copy that accompanied him on a meaningful journey. The book may have an inscription inside the cover, or notes on the pages. Most importantly, this particular volume of the book has provided comfort, guidance, joy, and, above all, a unique nostalgic connection with another person or experience.

If you lose this kind of book, you undoubtedly feel both terrible and terrified to admit it to your friend. But there’s no question that you must tell your friend. It’s going to be a really difficult conversation, but one you are obligated to have precisely because the book you ruined is so personally significant. Just to be a little melodramatic here—you can’t just buy him another book and let him roam the earth thinking the copy you returned to him is the copy his grandfather bestowed upon him before he died. The book is irreplaceable to him, and getting him a brand spanking new copy is a reparative gesture only if it comes with a heartfelt apology.

Here’s the last and most important reason why you should always be open in this situation. He’s your friend. That and he’s a fellow bookworm, a rare generous soul who lends you his favorite books. Be a good friend in return. In the long run, it will be more rewarding and meaningful than covering your own clumsy, book-ruining behind that one time.

Love and paperbacks,
Literary Lady