My (Nonreader) Friend Always Interrupts Me While I’m Reading
Dear Literary Lady,
My friend never brings a book when we travel, and I always do. It drives me nuts when we’re on a train, a plane or lounging by the pool, because I want to read but she wants to make chit chat. What can I do to read my book and hint that she should bring her own in the future?
—M.K., Newton MA
Dear M.K.,
There’s are few things more frustrating than sitting down with a good book, expecting to have a couple hours of uninterrupted reading time, only to realize you’ve got company.
If you’re traveling with a friend, it’s important to spend quality time with them, but you’re not obligated to entertain them around the clock. My rule is that if you’re sitting down and doing nothing for over an hour (e.g., while on a flight, sunbathing, or just having some down time), you’re allowed to stop making conversation and just read your novel. Because more than an hour of wholly uninterrupted conversation makes my ears hurt.
That said, it’s important to remember people interrupt your reading generally because of three reasons: 1) they’re bored, 2) they don’t understand social cues, or 3) they really, really like you, so much that they want to talk to you all the time.
If they’re bored, you can fend off conversation by finding outlets for their boredom. If they don’t understand social cues, just be upfront and honest about your intent to disengage with them and read. If they really, really like you and want your attention nonstop, maybe you shouldn’t go on trips with them. Or you should try to make them like you a little less.
Whatever the reason, here are some things you can do to stave off your travel companion’s chatter:
1. Open your book and say to them, “This book is amazing! I’m going to give it to you as soon as I’m done.” Then promptly dive into the book as if you intend to finish it in the next few minutes.
2. Bring distractions for them. Ever see those parents who go out to restaurants armed with a bag full of distracting toys for their children? That’s going to be you with your friend. Bring a book, a magazine, or sudoku puzzles for your friend. Whip the distraction out of your bag and present it to them for a couple hours’ peace and quiet.
3. Start a book club and make her a member. Suggestyou guys read the book club selection on your trip. She’ll feel obligated to bury her nose in a novel whenever you’re nearby.
4. Put on headphones. It’s a passive-aggressive move, but it will discourage even the chattiest of your friends.
5. Tell your friend you’re really sorry, but you get motion sick unless you focus on a book. That’ll buy you some uninterrupted reading time while you’re traveling.
6. Open your book, turn to your friend, and ask, “What are you reading these days?” She’ll admit she’s reading nothing, which is always embarrassing. Encourage her to bring a book next time.
7. Just be upfront. Say, “I don’t mean to be rude and I do really enjoy your company. I’m just dying to find out what happens in this novel, and I only have a few more chapters!”
8. Or be subtle. Say, “It’s so hard to get any reading done at home! I’m so glad you thought of this trip. It’s a great chance to relax and catch up on my reading.”
9. Always remind your friend to bring a book before you embark on a trip. Ask them what books they’re bringing, what beach reads they’ve packed, what books you can bring for them. That sets the expectation that there will be plenty of reading going down on this trip, and she had best be prepared.
Remember, the best way to solve a problem is to avoid it in the first place, which is why friends don’t let friends travel without a book!
Love and paperbacks,
Literary Lady