The Book Nerd’s Guide to Critical Inventions

Welcome to the Book Nerd’s Guide to Life! Every other week, we convene in this safe place to discuss the unique challenges of life for people whose noses are always wedged in books. For past guides, click here.
My main bookmark (i.e., the one I have yet to misplace) reads, “Go to hell, I’m reading!” That is both a quote from comic book virtuoso Archie Goodwin and the motto on my future family’s coat of arms. You see, the only problem with books—besides the fact that they end—is the sheer number of distractions and outside obstacles you encounter while trying to read them. And that was before Pokemon Go, in the golden days when you could sit on a bench and make some headway on a novel without strangers hovering over you, trying to catch an Ivysaur. (Sorry, you’re just going to have to scope the area beforehand to make sure it’s nothing but Pidgeys. This is life now.)
With this in mind, I’ve come to the realization that no one is coming to save me. If I want to improve my reading experience from here on out, I’m going to need to get some patents and some venture capital for ReadNeeds, the startup that will be the future of common-sense book tech. After examining the use cases and the business need, I’ve determined the first few items to come off the assembly line.
A book light that doubles as a laser pointer for your cat
It’s probably safe to wager there is a strong overlap between cat owners and bookworms. I myself have recently acquired a foster kitten. She is eight weeks old and appropriately bonkers, and her favorite piece of prey is any book left lying on any surface she can reach. She needs distraction, so as not to be mine. Book light/laser pointers already exist, but I’ve yet to find one suited for simultaneous use.
An app that provides the infinite granularity of Netflix when recommending books
Sure, there are plenty of places you cull book recs from—hopefully us included! But sometimes you have narrow and precise specifications when you’re searching through readalikes for some of your favorite books. Give me more Gritty Romances Featuring Strong Female Leads From the 1950s. (No, but really, should you, reader, have any suggestions…)
A streaming service that matches music to your book
There is nothing wrong with playlists like Soul Coffee or Down in the Dumps, but if you’re reading Nabokov, you need a very specific kind of music. That niche depth may be outside of the bounds of the Melancholia station.
A stylish bookmark scout sash
The best part about being a scout of any sort as a child was the sash, decked out with your plethora of badges pertaining to highly specific skill sets you may or may not have mastered. What I propose is less of an invention and more of a trend. Why can’t we bring sashes back? To accommodate for adulting, though, we’d substitute bookmarks for badges—because things have to be whimsical and practical. I’ve never had a bookmark I didn’t lose, and it’d be nice to have at least one on me at all times. Simultaneously, I enjoy the idea of festooning myself with flair like I’m the hostess at a Chotchkie’s, just as I presume the rest of you do.
Something that tells people on the street what you’re reading without them having to ask
Oh, wait, it’s called a book cover, folks.
This, as we know, is only the beginning of our bookworm wish list. I encourage—nay, implore—you to come up with specs for your own much-needed reading inventions. Together, we can make the world a better, more utopian place for our kind.