The Game of Thrones Awards, Season 6, Episode 1: Uncharted Territory

Watching the Queen Mother’s face change from giddiness to abject horror as her daughter approached in a wooden box is as excruciating as it is well-acted. Perhaps more so than anyone else in the cast, Lena Headey’s ability to keep her character from becoming a caricature is remarkable. Seeing her and Jaime back on the same page was strangely comforting. Well, as comforting as it can be to see an incestuous brother and sister embrace. What a world!
As for the people who poisoned Myrcella at the end of season five? Well, the Sand Snakes wasted no time giving us our first horrifying murders of the young season! Prince Doran and his son Trystane will not be joining us next week. Or ever again. The Dorne storyline was oddly paced last season, but perhaps this is a sign that things are going to be a bit more eventful down south this time around. Nothing like a bloody coup to get the party started.
Speaking of the end of last season, remember that Jon Snow fella? Barring some magic (note: there’s a magic witch nearby) it appears that he really is dead. Sir Davos discovers his body in the season’s opening scene. One of the occasionally frustrating parts of this show is that sometimes there is so much going on, we don’t get to spend enough time on the storylines we are the most interested in. I could have spent the whole hour at Castle Black watching Jon’s buddies plot Alliser Thorne’s demise. The former first ranger openly admits he has committed treason, but that he did it to save the Night’s Watch. This makes two consecutive Lord Commanders that have been betrayed by their own men. If I saw that job opening online, I think I’d pass.
In happier news, Sansa has officially escaped the clutches of her latest pyscho husband, and Brienne finally has fulfilled her goal of attempting to die for another Stark woman. Everyone wins!
Across the Narrow Sea, everything is fine. Just kidding! The queen is missing and the Sons of the Harpy just burned everyone’s ships. The latter was likely a plot device requested by George R.R. Martin to make sure Daenerys can never leave the continent, lest her story actually advance. I kid, I kid. The good news is, the Dothraki horde that found her has promised not to harm her due to her previous marriage to Khal Drogo. The bad news is, all Khals’ widows are supposed to hang out in a temple in Vaes Dothrak and be sad or something. Ugh.

It’s hard not to end the recap on the same note as the episode. Watching the Red Woman Melisandre transform into an old crone before slipping into bed was compelling, as it marks the first time that the series has presented her as vulnerable in the least. Before the death of Stannis, she was always smirking and sure of herself. Now, she must question the accuracy of her visions, and the very nature of her powers. At this point, the her only ability that is not in doubt is the one that can trigger endless internet debates about whether or not she’s going to revive Jon Snow.
Quotable Quotes
“She thinks you want to eat her baby” – Lord Varys, on Tyrion’s difficulties speaking Valyrian.
“From her first breath, she was so sweet. I don’t know where she came from” – Cersei Lannister, expressing shock that a child of hers could be a decent person.
Hodor Count: 0
Judging by the preview for next week, the counter will get some use very soon!
Awards!

• The “Creepiest Eulogy Ever” award goes to Ramsay Bolton, whose attempt to remember his former lover starts rough, and ends with him ordering her body be fed to the dogs.
• This week’s “Aww, We Miss You and Wish You Weren’t Horribly Murdered” award goes to Myrcella Baratheon. Her acceptance of Jaime at the end of last season was a beautiful moment in a show sorely lacking them.
• The “Potential Comedy Spin-Off” award goes to the Dothraki hoard, who just couldn’t stop cracking jokes. Granted, a lot of them were about beheading Dany, but comedy is comedy!
• The “Best Fight Scene Featuring a Blind Person” award goes to Arya and her mini-skirmish with No One. There’s potential here for a new twist on the old Who’s On First scenario, isn’t there?

And Now, a Haiku by Alliser Thorne
Please just let me in
You won’t get stabbed like Jon Snow
I brought you some snacks
I will be back next week. In the meantime, try not to get fed to the dogs.