Taylor Swift to Pen a Series of Fantasy Novels

Not content with utter domination of popular music, mega-star “Shake It Off” singer/songwriter Taylor Swift announced today her authorship of new series of fantasy books called The Forever Youth Chronicles. Variety is reporting that Random House has paid an advance “above $10 million” for the first installment of a planned eight-book saga.
“We’re all writers,” Taylor Swift told Publisher’s Weekly. “A songwriter is just a writer of books that people listen to. I listen to and write books all the time, they’re just three minutes long, and I call them songs. I don’t think of The Forever Youth Chronicles as a series of books. I think of it like a series of very long songs that you have to read, instead of hear.”
Random House has revealed the first installment of The Forever Youth Chronicles first installment is called Breaking a Banjo Over the Head of My Ex-Man. It features a teenage girl who, upon having her heart broken by a teenage boy, smacks him in the face with a banjo. This smack opens up a portal to an alternate dimension of magic where the main character—Jordan Quick—discovers time itself can be manipulated by breaking other musical instruments.
“I love Harry Potter,” Swift saidd, “The idea of Voldermort putting his soul into Horcruxes was so cool, I thought: what if it was musical instruments that contained magic? And what if you had to break those instruments to unleash it? That’s what Jordan’s journey is all about: breaking musical instruments and finding, like, Voldermort souls. Only good!”
Echoing Swift’s tendency to bring other famous performers up on stage with her at concerts, each installment will see Jordan Quick team up with an already beloved character from an existing book series. Random House has already teased that Daenerys Targaryen (A Song of Ice and Fire) and Quentin Coldwater (The Magicians) could appear in the closing chapters of book one.
When asked who might show up in later books, Swift was noncommittal. “Anyone,” she said. “I mean, I love Narnia, so I don’t see why I couldn’t have Aslan jamming with Jordan Quick. Or Batman! I love playing with characters other people have created, giving readers something new and something they love at the same time, like a really good sample that somehow makes the original song seem better.”
Just a few years ago, the legal ramifications of Taylor Swift plucking established characters from other fantasy novels and having them “jam,” with her characters would have been unthinkable. But, in in the age of the modern mash-up, such literary tricks are considered “run-of-business” in the publishing world.
George R.R. Martin expressed support for the project to Publisher’s Weekly. “I would love to see anyone from Westros in a novel by Taylor Swift,” he said. “I’ve already long suspected ‘I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In’ was inspired by Tyrion Lannister.”
Neil Gaiman was also keen for Swift to borrow one of his creations for The Forever Youth Chronicles. “I would love for Taylor to take on one of my characters,” he said. “I love being friends with successful singer/songwriters. It’s why I became a writer.”
The Forever Youth Chronicles, Book 1: Breaking a Banjo Over the Head of My Ex-Man will be released worldwide on April 1, 2017. It is not available for pre-order, because this is a made-up story for April Fool’s Day. Ryan Britt is very pleased with himself, so if you are mad about it, go yell at him.