The Game of Thrones Awards, Season 5, Episode 2: So That’s What Dorne Looks Like!

One of my favorite things about this show is the way seemingly discarded characters can be unexpectedly thrust right back into the action. When Cersei paid off Bronn last season, it seemed to be a nice and tidy way to end his story arc: no matter how much we grew to like him, he had been warning us all about his lack of loyalty since his first appearance. But if there’s one thing we should know about Westeros, it’s that greedy men don’t stay out of trouble long. There’s always a high born lord or lady that needs them to do something nasty.
Bronn will be in the service of another Lannister—Jamie this time—as they ride to Dorne to take back the princess Marcella. Speaking of Dorne, Ellaria Sand’s grief over Prince Oberyn’s death was very similar to mine. We both screamed in high pitched voices, got drunk, and tried to start a war. I’m better now. Prince Doran, however, does not share her desire for blood, nor does he feel inclined to murder a child for the sins of her relatives. His reaction to the situation was even keeled and logical, which really freaks people out in Westeros.
Another place we have heard much of, yet spent hardly any time in, is Bravos. Come for the good interest rates, stay for the mysterious face-changing badasses! One coin can go a long way, as Arya has learned first hand. It appears she is finally going to be trained by Jaqen H’ghar, if that is his real name. Oh, turns out it isn’t. Anyway, Arya’s quest for revenge remains one of the strangest storylines for me to write about: I want her to obtain justice, but I fear she will lose more of her humanity than she bargained for along the way.
It’s very rare that Dany’s storyline is my favorite part of an episode, but there was something eye-opening about Sir Barristan comparing the Mad King’s over-the-top insanity (still begging for some flashbacks) to Daenerys’ temperament when her authority is challenged. Doesn’t it seem like her first instinct is always…well, killing people, before she is talked out of it by her advisors? With how easy some of her conquests have proceeded, it’s both frustrating to see her still stuck on this side of the sea, and compelling to see her get hissed at by her people. She did a thing that she believed to be right and just, and everyone hates her for it. Welcome to politics! Her dragon flying away was the cherry on top of the bummer sundae. When Tyrion arrives, I doubt he’ll be in the mood to bring any cheer to her life either.
Quoteable Quotes
“The Sand Snakes are with me!” – Ellaria Sand, making sure that everyone who read the books gave at least one satisfied fist pump
“If I was a father to any of my children they’d be stoned in the streets” – Jamie Lannister, on the inherent complications of royal incest
Awards!

• The “Holy Crap, He Even Freaks Out That Old Pervert Pycelle” award goes to the new master of whisperers, Qyburn. He will celebrate this award by playing with some severed heads.
• My weekly “Aww, We Missed You” award goes to Tommen Baratheon (and, by proxy, Ser Pounce). His scenes so far have felt wonderfully understated, and I want to see more of the dynamics between the young lad and the other major players who mean to manipulate him.
• The “Eyeroll of the Week” award goes to Jon Snow being elected commander of the Night’s Watch. Are we really to believe that the oratory skills of Samwell Tarly changed the entire voting landscape in five minutes?
• My first ever “Settle Down with the Oaths Already” award goes to Brienne of Tarth. Her dedication and tenacity are admirable, but it might be time to get a hobby. Neither of the Stark girls want her protection. At this point, isn’t it just stalking?

And Now, a Haiku
Jamie’s Dorne Vacay
There will be fun in the sun
And maybe murder
I will be back at it next week. Until then, try not to tick off any faceless assassins.