The Game of Thrones Awards, Season 5, Episode 6: The Ramsay Problem

One of the more compelling aspects of Game of Thrones over the first four-plus seasons has been the show’s commitment to its complex morality. Characters are not painted with broad strokes of black and white. Even the most adored have moments of weakness or petty rage, while their maligned counterparts generally show enough humanity that even if we don’t sympathize, we at least understand why they are jerks.
This is the problem with Ramsay Bolton.
His actions don’t feel organic. At this point he feels like more of an audience torture device than an actual character. His father’s creepy pragmatism makes him a perfect foil for the great warriors of Westeros, but Ramsay’s over-the-top antics feel out of place in this world. As for Sansa’s wedding night, I’d prefer not to even address it, other than to say…was that really necessary? Ugh.
Across the Narrow Sea, Tyrion is once again proving that the shortest distance between two points is a million frustrating kidnapping plots. My fatigue with Tyrion’s various plights aside, the idea of Jorah in the fighting pits is something that has me looking forward to future episodes. Their dialogue, especially about their fathers, was a strong point of this episode.
In Tyrion’s former home, Littlefinger seems to be walking a treacherous tight rope with Cersei. As was made abundantly clear several times, King’s Landing is not a safe place for a brothel keeper anymore. And then there is the matter of him blatantly lying to her about how Sansa returned to Winterfell. To be honest, I’m not sure what his end game is. Is it as simple as him wanting to gain power and be Warden of the North, or is something more complex going on?
Cersei was doing some scheming of her own. Her manipulation of the Faith Militant, while simultaneously presenting herself to Olenna Tyrell as an ally (even if she didn’t buy it), was a dastardly bit of villainy. There is something ironic about how hard Margaery worked to ascend to this point, only to find out that she might have even less power as queen than she did before. If her and Loras manage to escape their imprisonment, I doubt she will be rolling around with Tommen anytime soon.
People being taken against their will certainly seems like the theme of the episode, doesn’t it? Jaime and Bronn ran into the Sand Snakes in Dorne while making a completely ridiculous attempt to blend into the scenery and grab Princess Marcella. Eventually they were interrupted by the Prince’s men and taken into custody. I imagine those outfits were the last thing on the rack at the Dorne Halloween store.
The least depressing part of this episode was Arya cleaning dead people. Yeah, it was that brutal.
Quoteable Quotes
“We both peddle fantasies, brother Lancel. Mine just happen to be entertaining.” – Littlefinger
“You fight pretty good for a little girl.” – Bronn, ever the feminist
Awards!

• The “Weirdest Job Title in the Seven Kingdoms” award goes to the type of merchant that the slavers reference after kidnapping Tyrion. Look, we’re trying to keep this thing PG.
• This week’s “We Missed You” award goes to Stannis. In an episode that featured many powerful Lords and Ladies inflicting pain on others for a variety of awful reasons, he seems like more of a reasonable choice than ever to sit upon the Iron Throne.
• The “I’m Not Sleeping in There” award goes to the Hall of Faces that Arya encounters. Don’t even double dog dare me. It’s not going to happen.
• King Tommen claims his second “Weak Sauce of the Week” award. Who would have thought that fans of the show would be screaming for one of Cersei’s kids to be more assertive? I will say it again: RIP Joffrey!

And Now, a Haiku
Alternate ending:
Sansa Stark kills everyone
And I have a drink
I will be back at it next week. Until then, try not to end up in the Hall of Faces.