YA Recs for the Gang at Sweet Valley High

Jessica Wakefield: Underneath Everything, by Marcy Beller Paul
Let’s be real, Jess. When it comes to you and Lila and your “best friendship,” does it really add up? You’re terrible to each other. You’re terrible to other people. You’re in constant competition, but you always come back to each other in the end. What kind of dark secrets actually lie between you two? What kind of…tension? I know that on the surface, Sweet Valley High is total Heterolandia, but here’s what I think, Jess. I think you like the pain. And I think you have some Feelings about the girl who bestows it upon you. Not convinced? Cancel your Dairi Burger plans with that shady guy who thinks you’re in college and spend the weekend immersed in this intoxicating blurred-lines novel instead. I bet Volume Four of your diary will be singing a very different tune.

Elizabeth Wakefield: The Devil You Know, by Trish Doller
Oh, Elizabeth. The “good” twin. The perfect student and the role model and blah blah blah. Those of us who’ve read the entire series know you’re no stranger to deviousness, whether that means cheating on Todd Wilkins or…cheating on Todd Wilkins even more. (You cheat a lot, Elizabeth. You should probably look into that.) And yes, of course, as with Cadie, this isn’t behavior simply borne out of irresponsibility; you’re just tired of letting Jessica sap all your energy, of all the ways you’ve basically been forced to act like her mom, even though Alice Wakefield is an angel or whatever. Under that pristine exterior lurks a wild heart desperate for an escape, to indulge in some reckless behavior, to make even worse decisions about guys than that time you got to second base with Bruce Patman. Let Cadie inspire you, Lizzie, inspire you and then put the fear into you.

Lila Fowler: Firecracker, by David Iserson
If anyone has tried with a vengeance to rock the Poor Little Rich Girl trope, it’s Lady Li. And while I do admire the boldness and uniqueness of a girl who drives around in a lime-green Triumph, Astrid Krieger just may put her to shame. In a battle between the two girls, Astrid wins on humor and revenge-plotting, though when it comes to family drama, it’s anybody’s game. But I for one would love to see how this resident of Country Club Drive would fare against a girl who lives in a rocket ship in her parents’ backyard and uses altruism as a means to revenge.

Enid Rollins: The Young Elites, by Marie Lu
You’re different, Enid. Special. Just kidding—you’re not special, you’re kind of the worst. But sometimes, when the world spits on you, that spit can be reformed into the most powerful fuel. When Elizabeth is being a terrible best friend, or you’re being overlooked again, I know how much you’ll appreciate Adelina and her struggle to rise to the top, to turn the world on its ear. And maybe you’ll never have her power, but I bet you already have her darkness, latent within you. And someday, with that darkness, you will do great things. (Just kidding—you’re Enid. You’ll change your name in college and become hot but then ten years later no one will remember this and you’ll be Enid again. Sorry.)

Bruce Patman: The Duff, by Kody Keplinger
You think the “designated ugly fat friend” couldn’t possibly be your type, Bruce. No, not you, with your hive-inducingly egotistical license plate and actually-not-that-rare knowledge of what it’s like to hook up with both Wakefield twins. But remember that one time you let your heart go, Bruce? That time you opened up to a girl you thought wasn’t your style? Who didn’t fit in with your flashy world? That time you fell head-over-heels in love, only to snub her for Amy Sutton (Amy Sutton! Why?!) and lose her in what became the most effective anti-drug campaign of the twentieth century? Relive the magic of dating outside your comfort zone, just this once, with Wesley and Bianca. You know Regina would approve.

Winston Egbert: Because You’ll Never Meet Me, by Leah Thomas
You’re a nice guy, Win, but you’re not exactly brimming with besties at Sweet Valley High. If anyone could benefit from a nudge toward reaching out overseas to find someone to bond with, it’s you. And I know you’re thinking, “Who’d want to become friends with me, Winston Egbert?” And you’re right to think that way! But the fabulous epistolary friendship between warm, funny Ollie, housebound due to an allergy to electricity, and stony, intellectual Moritz, similarly isolated owing to a weak heart requiring a pacemaker and having been born without eyes, is proof there’s hope and, yes, friendship, to be found outside your homestead.

Todd Wilkins: Conviction, by Kelly Loy Gilbert
Oh my God, Todd, you are so boring. Why are you so boring. How are you so boring. You know what you need to read? A book about a fellow athlete that isn’t boring at all, but is in fact one of my favorite reads of the year. Like you, Braden is a jock with actual values, good grades, and hopefully a future in sports, but he also has a personality, and the major moral dilemma of how to testify in a case charging his father with a murder to which he is the only witness. I see how maybe the latter isn’t necessarily desirable to everyone, but let’s face it, Todd—anything’s an improvement for you at this point.

Aaron Dallas: More Happy Than Not, by Adam Silvera
Oh, Aaron, this is the book I wish I could’ve given you as a teen, when you were so freaking angry but also so gay and neither of us knew about the second one. (I mean, you probably did, to be fair, but you hadn’t yet learned the wonder of Steven Wakefield.) You could’ve met another Aaron who was struggling, and heartbroken, and convincing himself to date girls, and you might’ve embraced yourself sooner, and maybe even embraced Steven sooner, too. This book might’ve changed your life, and I’m sorry you didn’t have it, but hopefully, as an adult, it’ll bring you the peace you never found with Dana Larson. Which, frankly, should’ve been all our first clue, because she was hot.

Maria Slater: For the Record, by Charlotte Huang
I don’t know how you did it, Maria—balanced having such a cool past as a child star with being such a dork in high school. But I know Chelsea would feel you. It’s not easy to be talented, famous, and prestigious enough to land the role of lead singer of an awesome band and still have everyone pretty much hate you. (Or maybe it is? I can neither sing nor act. Nothing about me has ever been cool.) And the fact that Chelsea isn’t transformed into this perfect, savvy, instalovable star is actually my favorite part of Huang’s debut, so hmm, perhaps I should view you with a new eye now, one of respect and understanding. At least you kicked some butt senior year, right? Here’s a thought: read the book, lose your Ken Matthews consolation prize, and make better choices in college.

AJ Morgan: Firsts, by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn
Hey, Adam Joseph, remember that time you transferred to Sweet Valley High and Jessica pretended to be Elizabeth-like, and you totally fell for it, but then you actually wanted Jessica because girls with an actual personality are so hot? (You can skip #49 now, dear readers; that was the entire plot. Sorry.) You are soooo that guy who would’ve fallen hook, line, and sinker for Mercedes’ devirginization brand of altruism, and fallen for her in the process. In fairness, I have a total soft spot for Mercedes, too, but we all know you’d think you were saving her or whatever. As if, ginger. As if.