10 Signs You’ve Read Too Much Epic Fantasy
Too much of a good thing certainly can be a good thing: extraordinary wealth or unlimited supplies of puppies, for example. But more often than not, there’s a tradeoff. You can overdose on almost anything, and, unfortunately, that includes genre reading.
Many of us are here because we love immersing ourselves in fully fleshed-out fantasy worlds—the higher that fantasy, the better. But there comes a point when, perhaps, you should take a breather, pause on that seven-book series and pick up something a little lighter, with fewer sorcerers per capita. Not forever, of course—just until “the Citadel,” “the Western lands,” and “Orc threat” aren’t terms you use in everyday parlance.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at 10 signs you might have gone too deep into epic fantasy.
- You have forsaken reading all books that do not begin with maps, and you trust none fewer than 600 pages.
- When asked about your opinion on the election, your reply is usually, “Something is about to happen that has not happened for centuries.” You whisper it, for fear your enemies are listening. They are always listening.
- Upon introducing yourself to a new person, you begin with your father’s profession or general address.
- Your work emails now have otherwise ordinary words Capitalized to convey their Singularity and Importance. You’ve also added apostrophes to your name in your email signature.
- Meanwhile, the interns are getting tired of being referred to as squires and being scolded if their overall dress is too bold.
- You fail to recognize the satire in The Tough Guide to Fantasyland. It just sounds like a nice place.
- The captions on your food Instagrams now routinely clock in at greater word counts than anything you have written since your master’s thesis.
- Your hobbies have been distilled to preparing lemon cakes, braiding your hair, and playing strategy games (OK, Settlers of Catan) with your enemies (board game meetup group).
- You refer to the City Council as the High Council and find their discussions of funding sources for roads, dams, aquifers, and other major infrastructure projects perplexing.
- You tell people one or both of your parents were taken by the Scourge. In reality, they live in Cleveland.
You know what? Never mind. You’re fine. Why not pick up a new fantasy series? There’s this trilogy we’ve been meaning to tell you about…