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What To Read (and Watch) in Preparation for National Coming Out Day
Two years ago, I first accepted that I had to come out. That might sound odd to many people—obviously being gay is tethered to telling people you’re gay. There isn’t much of a question there. But at the time, the two couldn’t have felt further apart. I spent so much of my life trying to figure out what was causing that feeling of isolation, that resounding I am different, and when I finally found a name for it, the prospect of coming out felt completely foreign. It was like studying for months and acing your SAT before being told the test you’d taken was actually just practice, and over here is the real thing.
What dragged me from the “no way can I tell anyone about my sexuality” mindset to one of “okay, I think I can do this” was a combination of YA novels, YouTube videos, and the occasional confidence-boosting song. Few things, I think, can prepare you to bare your soul more. Even now, as a high school senior well into the whole process, I often find myself returning to the very books and YouTube videos that initially gave me the push to start coming out.
In honor of National Coming Out Day, on October 11, I’m recommending books, songs, and personal videos I think will prove invaluable to those who are starting the process—or who, like me, are right in the thick of it. It’s important to note, however, that what’s below doesn’t begin to represent the vast number of sexualities and genders out there. If you don’t find yourself here, I would recommend visiting the GayYA.org, as well as some of our other posts on B&N Teen—under-the-radar LGBTQ reads, books about bisexuality, and 2015 LGBTQI YA releases, to name a few.
So, as you prepare for National Coming Out Day, here are some of my tips:
Watch these coming-out videos
Nothing makes coming out feel more possible than listening to the stories of other queer people. Videos by gay YouTube stars Troye Sivan and Ingrid Nilsen are particularly moving, as is this one about bisexuality featuring TheNotAdam, this explanation of demisexuality by YouTuber Evan Edinger, and this compilation of trans-specific coming out stories by Buzzfeed. (Chandler Wilson, who is agender, also filmed their coming out to Wilson’s mom.)
Read these books
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Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, by Becky Albertalli
There’s a reason Albertalli’s debut novel will top almost any list of incredible books centered around coming out. Following Simon, a theater kid who struggles to tell the world he’s gay, it takes a funny and heartfelt—but certainly not naive—look at coming out in high school. It also has a seriously adorable love interest in Blue, whose anonymous emails with Simon are so hilarious they’re worthy of awards. Simon is a book that will remind you things are going to be okay—and that, though life may be hard now, there’s a whole world of supportive people waiting on the other side.
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Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, by Benjamin Alire Sáenz
Sáenz’s book tracks Ari and Dante—two Hispanic boys who have seemingly little in common outside of their shared isolation—as their friendship oscillates between adorable and tragic. A beautifully written novel, it details each boy’s unsteady relationship with his sexuality, and I highly recommend it for anyone seeking a longform look at the coming out process.
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Ash, by Malinda Lo
Ash thinks she has found a suitor of fairytale proportions in Sidhean, the boy she’s engaged to. But when she meets Kaisa, a huntress for whom she develops much deeper and more romantic feelings than she ever had for Sidhean, that’s all thrown into jeopardy. Ash is a Cinderella retelling that should be read by anyone who wants shameless queer love wrapped up in a fantasy novel.
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Far From You, by Tess Sharpe
After her best friend is murdered, Sophie, fresh out of rehab and nine months clean of her addiction to painkillers, goes looking for the killer. Far From You explores many things—grief, addiction, chronic pain—but one of its most highly praised aspects is its honest portrayal of bisexuality. Though not a coming out story, it’s a must read for anyone looking to escape the often stigmatized and inaccurate representations of bisexuality in popular culture.
Listen to these songs
“Brave,” by Sara Bareilles, a song that’s not only completely motivating but, according to the author herself, specifically about coming out.
“Girls Like Girls,”by Hayley Kiyoko, is infectious and—yes—extremely gay, complete with a moving music video.
“Don’t Wait,” by Joey Graceffa, has a backstory as awesome as the song itself: apparently, the artist came out to the public through its release. The music video for “Don’t Wait” also, no shame, has made me tear up on several occasions.
“Good Life,” by OneRepublic, is the song I always listen to right before—and right after—I do something that terrifies me, coming out included. It’s a song that just breathes hope, and with all of the stress and emotional exhaustion that surrounds coming out, more of that is vital. Often, you need that reality check—that reminder things are going to be okay.