Hearing the movie rights to this book had been bought by Focus
Hearing the movie rights to this book had been bought by Focus Features, and considering the amazing films they have made, I was intrigued- I was HORRIBLY misled. The details drawn from the Twilight series (since this apparently started as fan fiction) are very blatant and unneccessary. This book suffers from a complete lack of editing. Despite not being a professional author or editor myself, I can still tell you that these pages should be bleeding red. The characters didn't have consistent voices, they weren't distinctive and quickly change styles, and not purposefully. If actors were to read these lines aloud, even Kate Winslet or Jeoffrey Rush would sound like the worst porn actors ever captured on film. 21 year-old students outside of Ivy League colleges do not say "How lovely to see you" to a good friends, nor do they repeat their friends full names constantly. We don't get to know or care about, or even like the awfully named narrarator, "Anastasia Steele" before she is sent down a rabbit hole of bad decisions that is more likely to put us off our appetite than to turn us on. I feel too embarassed for her and quite literally mortified by her treatment because I don't know her, but I have to sit through this BDSM nightmare of her being spanked and NOT EVEN LIKING IT. Skipping over the other sexual and fantstical elements that are hardly beliveable, since it is a frothy romance, I will say that my grievances mostly spawn from the utter butchering of the english language, going out to press wtih out so much as a spell check or regard for punctation of any kind. Entire phrases are repeated, verbatim, ad nauseum. So much so, that I am interested to go back and make a pie chart of what percentages of the book are taken up by the words, "cupped my chin so that our eyes met", "Breath hitches", or "Deep in my belly"...among others. And lets not forget to note that Christian Grey is unable to climax without "pouring himself" into her as "he stills". Though, I should have seen the early warning signs, like when the word "beseiged" was used twice- in the same sentence! And certainly not for emphasis or characterization, simply because another word couldn't be thought of. This is happens only pages into the book. And she obviously has a thesaurus. That's the only way I can justify her characters using peppered-in SAT words like "envisages" or other multi-syllabics. There's unneeded and disruptive shifts in time and place that leave the reader confused about what's going on, and leave us with absolutely no sense setting or feeling that we are in the story somehow. It is not even escapist because it is impossible to feel engrossed in this word, but only to be titilated by the frankly disturbing sex scenes that can surely not support the relationship James is trying to develop. It is not a love story, it should be a warning to young girls of how to why they should avoid fetishists. But even so, this story could be palatable and silly-in-a-decent-way, if anyone took the interest in caressing it into something that could reasonably be considered writing. Nothing kills a lady boner faster than insultingly poor writing. So please, so I don't feel like you hate us and think we're unintelligent, impotent, sexually frustrated morons- please send me an early copy of your next novel, and I will more than gladly red-pen it for you, E. L. James, if no one else will. Somone should, because then, who knows... You could end up with something good.
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