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A breakthrough approach for a good night's sleep—with no tears
There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the night: the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the baby "cry it out," or the grin-and-bear-it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you don't believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in Elizabeth Pantley's sanity-saving book The No-Cry Sleep Solution.
Pantley's successful solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the United States, Canada, and Europe. Based on her research, Pantley's guide provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime and nighttime problems. The No-Cry Sleep Solution offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that steer your little ones toward a good night's sleep—all with no crying.
Tips from The No-Cry Sleep Solution:
Because you haven't had quality sleep since before pregnancy or since your new baby entered your life, you may feel that nothing is more important right now than getting a full night's sleep. But there is indeed something much more important than sleep: your baby's safety. So it's critical that we start there.
In their quest for a few more minutes of shut-eye, well-intentioned, but sleep-deprived parents make mistakes. I have heard and read about many situations in which parents put their babies in unsafe situations, all in the name of a few hours of sleep. Here are a few of those stories. I've listed only those with happy endings—but sadly, many other stories end differently.
Parents of a newborn knew they shouldn't have their fluffy quilt in bed with the baby, but they were cold without it. One night, the mother woke to find that her baby had burrowed under the heavy quilt.
One baby's mother was so elated when her baby fell asleep on the sofa that she left him there to nap while she went to work at her computer. A loud thump had her running to the family room where she found her baby crying on the floor.
A mother with a baby who refused to nap admitted that when her baby fell asleep in the car seat, she left her to sleep in the garage while she went in to make dinner. She didn't want to risk waking her up by moving her to her crib.
Parents of a baby boy received a beautiful antique crib with an ornate headboard from relatives. They'd intended to investigate the safety features of the crib but hadn't gotten around to it. One night, their screaming baby woke them. They ran quickly to his room and found him wedged between the headboard and the mattress.
Many of the safety mistakes that parents make are because of poor decisions, while others are because of a lack of knowledge. You need to know a lot when it comes to your baby's safety. In this important chapter, you'll learn the need- to-know things about your baby's sleep-related safety.
Safety First
Yes, you're tired, too tired perhaps to read through the vast body of information, research, and guidelines out there on the subject of safety. Maybe you'll get to it soon, but your good intentions are not enough to keep your baby safe, and you need this information right now.
No matter how tired you are, no matter how tempting the situation seems, please be sure that you put your baby's safety above all else.
I've gathered safety information from a wide variety of reputable sources and authorities, including the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Alliance, the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, and the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths. And from all this, I have created sleeping-safety checklists for your review. Please read this brief section, and give it serious consideration.
Keep in mind that these lists cover safety issues relating to sleep at home. You should, of course, be aware of many other safety issues—at home and away. Also, because safety precautions are updated constantly—and because all babies (and their families) are different—no checklist is fully complete and appropriate for every child. I ask that you please talk with your pediatrician about your particular baby. Do your homework, and please, put safety first.
The Foremost Safety Worry: SIDS
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is one of the main safety concerns of all parents of babies. SIDS is the sudden and unexplained death of an infant younger than one year old. SIDS, sometimes known as crib death, is a major cause of death in babies from one month to one year of age. Most SIDS deaths occur when a baby is between one and four months old. The death is sudden and unpredictable; in most cases, the baby seems healthy. Death occurs quickly, usually during sleep. After thirty years of research, scientists still cannot find a definite cause or set of causes for SIDS or a way to predict or prevent it. But research has uncovered some factors that appear to reduce the risk, which I have incorporated into the safety information and lists that follow. (This information about SIDS is from the U.S. Public Health Service, American Academy of Pediatrics, SIDS Alliance, and Association of SIDS and Infant Mortality Programs, SIDS "Back to Sleep" Campaign.)
Back to Sleep
Many babies may sleep better and longer on their tummies. However, a number of studies have scientifically proved that babies who sleep on their tummies are more susceptible to SIDS. This is a statistical percentage meaning that not every baby who sleeps on her tummy will die of SIDS, and avoiding tummy sleeping is not a 100 percent guarantee against it. Nevertheless, it is the most important recommendation for you to know about. While a few babies actually benefit from tummy sleeping, back sleeping is safest for most. You'll need to talk with your pediatrician about your particular baby.
Several theories support the back-to-sleep recommendation. One is that some babies who die of SIDS fall into a deep sleep and do not raise their heads to get oxygen. The other theory is that pressure on a tiny baby's chest compresses his diaphragm, preventing him from taking sufficiently full breaths. Regardless of the reason, the fact remains that, with all of the unknowns surrounding SIDS, putting your baby to sleep on her back is the single action that is proven to decrease risk.
In all of my research, I have been unable to pin down an exact age when belly sleeping is safe. However, most researchers tend to imply that once your baby is holding her head up steadily and rolling from belly to back and back to belly quite easily on her own, you can put her to sleep on her back and then let her find her own comfortable position. In the meantime, once your doctor confirms that back sleeping is best for your baby, please put her to sleep on her back. If you have a little one who resists this sleep position, you can use the following suggestions to encourage back sleeping.
Let your baby nap in a car seat, stroller, or infant seat. Sleeping in any of these will keep your baby slightly curled, rather than flat on a mattress; many tummy sleepers enjoy that position much better. Just be sure to follow all safety precautions, which includes keeping baby nearby. (Manufacturers of all car seats, strollers, and infant seats warn parents to never to leave a baby alone in any of these seats.) Watch to be sure your baby doesn't curl too far forward.
If your baby is a newborn, try swaddling her for sleep. (See page 83.) Being wrapped in a blanket prevents her natural startle reflexes from waking her up.
Wait until your baby is in deep sleep before gently turning him over. You will recognize this stage by his limp limbs and even, steady breathing.
Talk to your doctor about the possibility of a compromise: side sleeping. Ask if a sleeping wedge or tightly rolled baby blanket can be used to hold your baby in this position.
Although various products are available to keep a baby in the back-sleeping position, their safety has not been tested, and at this time they are not recommended. At this writing, several sleep wraps have been designed to hold a baby swaddled in a back-sleeping position and they are just becoming available. Ask your doctor or hospital about any new inventions.
Finally, if you still choose to have your baby sleep on her tummy, or if your doctor has approved this position, make certain that the mattress is even, firm, and flat, and that every time you put her to bed, the sheets are smooth and tightly secured. Also, don't put any pillows, blankets, or toys in bed with her. If you still have concerns, ask your doctor or hospital about renting a sophisticated baby monitor so that you can keep track of sound, movement, and breathing.
Once your baby is sleeping on her back:
Don't let her sleep in the exact same position every night and nap. Move her head from one side to the other, and vary her position in the crib, or the placement of the crib itself, to encourage her to look in all directions. This will prevent the back of your baby's head from becoming flat (a condition called positional plagiocephaly).
Avoid leaving your baby lying on her back in a stroller, car seat, or swing for long periods during the day.
Place your baby on her tummy often when she is awake to encourage head and body movement and physical development of all muscle groups.
Back Sleeping at Day Care
According to some studies, 20 percent of SIDS deaths occur in child-care settings. Not all child-care centers have policies on infant sleep positions, and even when they do, not all child-care providers abide by the AAP's recommended guidelines. It's important for you to know that babies who are not used to sleeping on their stomachs are at a particularly high risk for SIDS if they are placed in this position for sleep. Check on the policies in your child-care center, and be sure that they are placing your baby in the proper sleep position as recommended by your doctor.
General Sleeping Safety Precautions for All Families
Do not allow anyone to smoke around your baby. This holds true whether your baby is asleep or awake. Babies who are exposed to smoke face an increased risk of SIDS, as well as other health complications, such as asthma.
If your child spends time with a child-care provider, baby-sitter, grandparent, or anyone else, insist that safety guidelines are followed in that environment also.
Keep your baby warm, but not too warm. Keep the bedroom at a comfortable sleeping temperature, usually between 65°F and 72°F (18°C to 22°C). Be careful not to overheat your baby. If your newborn comes home from the hospital wearing a hat, ask your doctor if he should wear it to sleep and for how long. A hat could contribute to overheating.
Do not use blankets or comforters under or over the baby. They can entangle your baby or become a suffocation hazard. Instead, when the temperature warrants, dress your baby in warm sleeper pajamas layered with an undershirt.
Dress your baby in flame-resistant and snug-fitting sleep-wear, not oversized, loose-fitting cotton or cotton-blend clothing. Billowy or cotton fabrics pose a burn hazard in case of fire or even with a close encounter with your stove or fireplace.
Do not allow your baby to sleep on a soft sleeping surface such as a pillow, sofa, water bed, beanbag chair, pillow-top mattress, foam pad, sheepskin, feather bed, or any other soft and flexible surface. Baby should sleep only on a firm, flat mattress, with a smooth, wrinkle-free sheet that stays securely fastened around the mattress.
Do not leave stuffed toys or pillows in bed with your baby. You may leave a small, safe "lovey" as described on pages 117–119 with a baby more than four months old who can roll over and lift and move his head easily.
Keep night-lights, lamps, and all electrical items away from where Baby sleeps.
Make sure you have a working smoke detector in Baby's sleeping room, and check it as often as the manufacturer suggests.
Do not put a baby to sleep near a window, window blinds, cords, or draperies.
If your baby is sick or feverish, call your doctor or hospital promptly.
Keep your baby's regular appointments for well-baby checkups.
Never shake or hit your baby. (The National Commission on Sleep Disorders Research concluded that infant abuse often occurs when a parent is sleep-deprived and at the end of his or her rope. If you feel like you may lose your temper with your baby, put her in a safe place or with another care-giver, and go take a breather.)
Never tie a pacifier to your baby with a string, ribbon, or cord, as any of these can become wound around your baby's finger, hand, or neck.
Follow all safety precautions when your baby is sleeping away from home, whether in a car seat, stroller, or unfamiliar place. Take extra time and care to create a safe sleeping place for your baby, no matter where you are.
Never leave a baby unattended while in a stroller, baby seat, swing, or car seat.
Never leave a pet with access to a sleeping baby.
Learn how to perform infant cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Be sure that all other caregivers for your baby are also trained in infant CPR.
Keep your baby's environment clean. Wash bedding often. Wash your hands after diapering your baby and before feeding. Wash Baby's hands and face frequently.
Breastfeed your baby whenever possible. Breast milk decreases the risk of certain illnesses and infections, which, in turn, can decrease the risk of SIDS and other health problems.
Pay attention to your own health and well-being. If you have feelings of anxiety, panic, confusion, sadness, regret, irritability, or hopelessness, you may be suffering from post-partum depression. Please see your doctor and explain your symptoms. This condition is common, and treatment is available.
General Safety Precautions for Cradles and Cribs
Make certain your baby's crib meets all federal safety regulations, voluntary industry standards, and guidelines of the CPSC's most recent recommendations (cpsc.gov). Look for a safety certification seal. Avoid using an old or used crib or cradle.
Make sure the mattress fits tightly to the crib or cradle, without gaps on any side. (If you can fit more than two fingers between the mattress and side of the crib or cradle, the mattress does not fit properly.)
Make certain that your crib sheets fit securely and cannot be pulled loose by your baby, which may create a dangerous tangle of fabric. Do not use plastic mattress covers or any plastic bags near the crib.
Remove any decorative ribbons, bows, or strings. If you use bumper pads, make certain they surround the entire crib and that they are secured in many places—at a minimum, at each corner and in the middle of each side. Tie securely, and cut off dangling string ties.
Remove bumper pads before your baby is old enough to get up on his hands and knees. If your baby can pull himself to stand, make sure the mattress is on the lowest possible setting. Also, inspect the area around the crib to make sure no dangers await him if he does climb out of the crib.
Be certain that all screws, bolts, springs, and other hardware and attachments are tightly secured, and check them from time to time. Replace any broken or missing pieces immediately. (Contact the manufacturer for replacement parts.) Make sure your crib or cradle has a sturdy bottom and wide, stable base so that it does not wobble or tilt when your baby moves around. Check to see that all slats are in place, firm, and stable—and that they are spaced no more than 2? inches (60 millimeters) apart.
Corner posts should not extend more than 1/16 inch (1½ millimeters) above the top of the end panel. Don't use a crib that has decorative knobs on the corner posts or headboard and footboard designs that present a hazard, such as sharp edges, points, or pieces that can be loosened or removed. Always raise the side rail and lock it into position. Make sure your baby cannot operate the drop-side latches.
Don't hang objects over a sleeping or unattended baby—that includes mobiles and other crib toys. There is a risk of the toy falling on your baby or of your baby reaching up and pulling the toy down into the crib.
If you are using a portable crib, make sure the locking devices are properly and securely locked.
Make sure your baby is within hearing distance of your bed or that you have a reliable baby monitor turned on.
Check the manufacturer's instructions on suggested size and weight limits for any cradle, bassinet, or crib. If there is no tag on the crib, call or write the manufacturer for this information.
Any crib or cradle your baby sleeps in when away from home should meet all of the above safety requirements.
General Safety Precautions for Co-Sleeping
The safety of bringing a baby into an adult bed has been the subject of much debate. All four of our babies have been welcomed into our family bed. My husband, Robert, and I have naturally allowed our children to share our bed, and our children have enjoyed sleeping in a sibling bed as well. The fact that we have religiously followed known safety recommendations for sharing sleep with our babies is of the utmost importance.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from the no-cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley Copyright © 2002 by Better Beginnings, Inc.. Excerpted by permission of McGraw-Hill. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Foreword by William Sears, M.D.
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Part 1: Ten Steps to Helping Your Baby Sleep All Night
Chapter 1: Do a Safety Check
Safety First
The Foremost Safety Worry: SIDS
General Sleeping Safety Precautions for All Families
General Sleeping Safety Precautions for Cradles and Cribs
General Sleeping Safety Precautions for Co-Sleeping
Chapter 2: Learning Basic Sleep Facts
How Do We Sleep?
How Do Babies Sleep?
What is a Sleep Problem?
How Much Sleep Do Babies Need?
What About Nighttime Feedings?
What Are Realistic Expectations?
What is the Right Way to Teach a Baby to Sleep?
Chapter 3: Crate Your Sleep Logs
Let's Get Started!
Chapter 4: Review and Choose Sleep Solutions
Part One: Solutions for Newborn Babies—Birth to Four Months
Part Two: Solutions for Older Babies—Four Months to Two Years
Chpater 5: Create Your Personal Sleep Plan
Chapter 6: Follow Your Plan for Ten Days
What If You Can't Do it All?
The Road to Success is Really More Like a Dance
Chapter 7: Do a Ten-Day Log
Chapter 8: Analyze Your Success
Evaluate Your Sleep Plan
If Your Baby Is Now Sleeping Through the Night (Five or More Consecutive Hours)
Chapter 9: Follow Your Plan for Ten More Days
Every Baby is Different; Every Family is Different
How Long is This Going to Take?
"I've Tried Everything! Nothing Works! Help!"
Chapter 10: Complete a Log, Analyze Your Success, and Revise Your Plan if Necessary Every Ten Days
Keep This Book Handy
Part II: Let's Talk About You
Chapter 11: Baby's Sleeping (Finally!) but Mommy's Not
What's Happening?
How to Get a Good Night's Sleep?
Chapter 12: Final Thoughts—Mom-to-Mom
We Are Alike
If You've Just Begun
Living for the Moment?
Basball Babies
Patience, Patience, and Just a Little More Patience
For More Information
Index
Mama_Jen
Posted February 25, 2010
If you're reading this, you're probably extremely tired, so I'll try to cut to the chase!
1. The title is a misnomer - it should be "No Cry sleep solutionS". You pick from about 50 different ideas, each tailored for different situations and put a plan together that suits your baby and your parenting style. There are ideas for co-cleepers and for cot-sleepers. Ideas for bottle feeders and ideas for breast feeders. Ideas for dummy users, car-seat sleepers, older babies and new borns. It's really individualised.
2. Pantley herself co-slept and breast-fed BUT, unlike almost any other parenting book out there, she not only respects other parenting choices, she provides solutions that will suit the bottle-fed, cot-sleeping baby etc. She is never judgemental, never tells you you have only yourself to blame for your child's sleeplessness and never tells you what to do. I'd read these books even if they didn't work because she's so encouraging! So refreshing not to feel you've been beaten over the head with a stick!
3. She had 4 kids and worked with loads of test families. I only have 1 but she has had 3 periods of poor sleep, 2 after developmental leaps and 1 after 9 days illness. Each time, we've tailored a slightly different plan using this book and the nap book. We've seen about 30-50% improvement immediately which has given us energy to hang on 6-10 more days for a real turnaround. It's not as quick as controlled -crying but it's far less painful. No tears for Mum and Dad and you can look your child in the eye in the morning.
4. This really is a third way - I actually can't contemplate controlled crying but some Attachment Parenting books seem to suggest you leap joyfully out of bed 8 times a night in sheer delight at meeting your child's needs night or day. I'm not going to force my baby to work out how to sleep on her own and if she needs me, she gets me, but if I can gently lead her towards a full night's sleep without tears, it means I can function much better and be the kind of creative, fun, loving Mum I want to be during daylight hours rather than the grouchy wreck I was who was, snappy with everyone, especially those I loved most, and a menace behind the wheel of my car!!!!
I really wish you joy with your baby and I wholeheartedly believe this book will help you experience much more of that.
Just a final note, I thought the nap book would be a rewrite of this one but we have both and it really does have enough new information in it to be worth getting if naps are also an issue.
14 out of 15 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.JMKS
Posted April 26, 2010
Take my word for it, this book is an absolute must-have for any parent who is fighting the sleep battle with their baby and doesn't believe in letting them cry it out. I have been fighting a bedtime battle with my five month old son for months now. He absolutely REFUSED to go to bed before midnight, and by that time he was literally passing out from exhaustion, as was I, after being an inconsolable terror for four or five hours. I tried everything. Nothing made him happy, nothing stopped the fussing, not playing, not eating, not a diaper change, nothing. I'm a first time mother, and when I would share my problems with some of the more experienced mothers I knew, they would simply tell me to put him in bed and let him cry. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't listen as he screamed and gasped for breath until he was coughing and gagging. And I didn't see how this could possibly foster a trusting relationship between us. So I started looking online for possible solutions and came across mention of Elizabeth Pantley's book. I jumped in my car and drove straight to the bookstore to buy a copy, came home, and read it cover to cover. This book is filled with so much helpful information that you can use in any situation. Whether you have a newborn or a baby who is a little older, whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed, whether you co-sleep or your baby sleeps in a crib. It even address other issues such as making the transition between co-sleeping and sleeping in a crib. I immediately began using the techniques that Elizabeth Pantley wrote about in this book, and for the last three nights my son has been in bed asleep by 7:30 at the latest. And during the day he is a whole new baby. Well-rested, happy and playful. And I.well I am a much happier well-rested woman and because of that I am able to be the kind of mom I want to be. If sleeping is an issue with you and your baby, whether it's what time they go to sleep or whether they sleep through the night, you MUST read this book. I assure you, you won't regret making the investment.
6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.snk616
Posted February 21, 2012
This book has made a huge difference in our home and the way we sleep. My son is 7 months old and was waking 7 to 8 times a night still. The only way I could get him back to sleep was through breastfeeding - EVERY time he woke up. He began sleeping in my bed because I couldn't stay awake and feed him that many times a night and still get up and function for work in the morning.
One weekend, I read The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I was pleased to find in the book there were solutions for all kinds of families; families that breastfed or bottlefed, co-slept or didn't, and anything in between. This book offered SO MUCH advice and support. It provided lots of things you could do to help your baby sleep better without making one drastic change that is tough on you and baby.
Ms. Pantley's book offers a way to help your little one sleep without using cry it out methods. We started on a Monday with, what I considered, small changes and by Thursday we were seeing results. My son went from waking 7 to 8 times a night to only waking 2 times!! It was amazing. If your little one is having trouble going to sleep, staying a sleep, or getting back to sleep - read this book. It will help you.
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Posted December 7, 2011
I purchased this book mostly based on reader reviews and I was not disappointed! It was near impossible to get my five month old son to fall asleep (for bedtime OR a nap) with out a very long process of rocking/walking/bouncing/swaying/crying/you name it. And he would almost always wake up (usually crying) the moment I placed him in his crib and I had to start all over again. It was exhausting and stressful and I came to dread nap times and bed time. That is until I discovered this book. In just four short days my son was falling asleep more quickly and more peacefully than ever before. Our nap routine has been cut from 20 plus minutes to about five minutes! Bedtime is actually enjoyable. Tonight, day 7, I put him in his crib after just a few minutes of cuddles after reading and he woke up. I was actually able to lull him back to sleep with a song in about one minute. I'm still in shock. I'm able to sit down and write this review because my son is sleeping peacefully right now, thanks to this book. If you are looking for help with a sleep issue please try this book. I don't know why anyone would even attempt to let their child cry it out if there is an alternative like this. In the past seven days my son hasn't shed one single tear due to a sleep related issue. It works! Plain and simple.
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Posted November 21, 2011
I came across this book after trying the cry it out (CIO) technique with my son when he was only 7 months old and it was like a pray. That may sound exaggertated but if you are feeling as desperate as I was to make your baby sleep and just couldnt bear them crying out for you while you ignored them, this is for you!!
That was the most painful experience I have ever had during parenting. If you feel the same, this book is for you.
When I first bought this book, I was very very tired, I was very upset (feeling like a failed mum), I was stressed and NOT in need of another book full of ideas for "textbook babies". Sound familar?
My son is an individual and not passive, he is stubborn and strong willed and many books make babies sound like easily trainable things but that just isnt true. They have personalities (even as newborns) and have like and dislikes that are all individual to them.
Reading this book was like sitting down with a good friend who suggested lots of different ideas which YOU choose. The ideas are really well thought about. They are not the obvious "how can I fill another page in my book" type of ideas. They were really useful, clever ideas used by parents which could be easily adapted or cut out completely depending on the personality of your baby. You decide and you get to try them all out in a structured easy to follow way.
The book is written very clearly and its easy to just navigate to the page you need. You dont need to sit and read every single page to work out what the author wants to tell you however, I found that despite being sooooooo tired, I wanted to read it all (especially the first few chapters) because it truely felt like a friend was sitting in front of me and telling me about her experiences and really really relating to my desperation.
I felt like I sat there reading the book and its ideas and saying "wow, that could really work...or, noo,I dont think that would for us because of xyz but yeah actually if I try that instead it may"
I definitely give this book 5/5. Excellent! Full of really good ideas! Easy to read! Puts things into perpective!
Most of all, slowly but surely, bedtimes become a very very enjoyable experience again, full of love.
I used to walk away from my sons cot feeling upset at seeing him upset, feel tired and worn down. I now walk away from my sons cot each evening, brimming over with how much I love him and reflecting on how lovely our time together that day has been. This is all thanks to Elizabeth Pantley!
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 10, 2012
Elizabeth Pantley gave me hope in our very dark (and very awake) days when our twins were 6 months old. They woke up 7 to 8 times a night (each) at different times, and we were desperate for improvement. I shudder when I remember the tears and silent pleas when you get up again after only half an hour, not to mention the strain it put on my husband and my relationship. Following a twin sleeping plan took determination, but in my opinion, you'll never appreciate something fully if you didn't have to work hard for it. And wow, did it pay off! Our twins are 18 months old now (falling asleep & sleeping by themselves for months), and we just moved them into their own toddler beds. It took just 2 nights for us to realise what they needed to learn to fall asleep in their new beds. Rubbing their backs, sitting with them or lying down next to them quickly calmed them, and just 5 days later I was able to put them down by myself, and merely "sh" for a while. They fell right asleep. I am sooooo impressed with them! They didn't even get off their beds. Elizabeth, thank you so much again for all your wonderful advice...we'll be starting pre-potty training soon, which I feel excited about - thanks to you!
1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Posted December 5, 2011
I asked around other mums and professionals and searched the internet high and low for strategies to help get my baby to sleep and I kept getting the answer as 'let him cry himself to sleep', 'shut the door to the nursery and turn up the tv' and other such notions to this effect. I was adament that this was NOT the way I was going to treat the baby I had craved for such a long time and along came a link to the book 'THE NO CRY SLEEP SOLUTION'. I immediately bought the kindle version and read it all almost in one go! Pantley's views and strategies for gently teaching your child to sleep on their own spoke to my heart. The book is easy to read and gives ideas in an easy to follow manner covering all possible scenarios. The personal anecdotes from herself and her 'test-mums' make you realise there are other mums pacing the halls late into the night all dreaming of sleep and determined to not leave their baby's to fall asleep crying also. This was a revelation to me as all I had been told was to leave them to cry themsleves to sleep so that they would 'learn the lesson'.
When other mums now ask me how I get my baby to sleep I mention this book and they also have the same response as I have done... 'No tears? Then that's for me!'
Elizabeth Pantley is my new herione!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted November 29, 2011
I got this book about 3 weeks ago. What interested me was the no-cry part, because my 4 month-old daughter was sleeping quite well but cried a lot before falling sleep. I had been told that it was normal, that some babies need to cry themselves to sleep. Well I couldn't stand it anymore! I loved the book and applied lots of the tips in it. Now not only does my daughter fall asleep without crying, but she takes longer naps and wonderful 12 hours nights!! I wasn't expecting that, but I am sooo happy :) I think everyone can benefit from it, since it is very flexible. Thank you Elizabeth!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 24, 2011
I am a first time mother to a wonderful four month old baby girl.
I found the No Cry series through the Dr Sears website and I have to say that it has changed our lives! We were in a cycle of rocking our baby to sleep every night up until 12 weeks of age. We co-slept up to that point and I was exhausted! I got to that point of not being able to do it for one more night and I read the No Cry Sleep Solution in a couple of hours. I put it into motion that same night. I used the Phases that the book suggests and realized after two nights that we were already making HUGE progress! After a week, I was able to put baby in her crib 90% awake and have her fall asleep on her own.
She is still a pacifier fan but I will use the Gentle Removal Plan when the time comes to go there - for now, she uses it when she first falls asleep at night and then rarely after that. She only wakes once a night and generally refuses the paci at that time - she is starting to sleep right through on occasion as well! Last night, I put her in the crib fully awake and crossed my fingers - she did it!! A little whimpering but she was out in less than 10 minutes! The best part of all of this - NO CRYING! I really struggled with the whole idea of letting her CIO at any age - despite numerous people telling me that it was the only way to teach her to sleep on her own... so sad that so many babies are subjected to such a cruel thing.
These books understand that all families and all babies are different. If you are looking for a one size fits all magic arrow, this will not be the book for you, and I would venture a guess that there is no such thing.
If you are looking for a series of adaptable tools that you can use to guide your baby gently and lovingly with no crying, this is the book to buy! There are many different ways to deal with a plethora of challenges that babies throw at us when it comes to sleeping (or not!) and Elizabeth hasn't missed anything. Most importantly, this book gives you the courage to stick with whatever course of action you choose - never claiming that it will be easy, but always reminding you that a babies development is a process and like all processes, it takes time. If you are considering this book, chances are that you have spent a great deal of time not sleeping, so spending a little bit more time with a goal in sight isn't a huge change!
My success happened very quickly! We went from rocking our baby to sleep to her falling asleep on her own when fully awake within a week. That was over a month ago :) Honestly, NO CRYING!!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.amy010
Posted April 16, 2013
There is an almost universal malady among parents of young children and babies and it’s called Sleep Deprived. You know if you suffer from this condition if your baggy eyes remind you to that you need to call Grandma June, your pillow hair resists all attempts at taming, you put the cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard, and slinged to your body is a bundle from heaven for whom all of this is worthwhile.
But you think, “Can’t I have this wonderful baby AND get some sleep?”
What if I said, “Yes”?
If you’re like me you’d say, “But I can’t—won’t make her cry.”
What if I still said, “Yes”?
It is possible. I know because I was there and we did it thanks to a wonderful book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Instead of a one-size-fits all approach this book respects the unique combination of you and your baby’s temperaments. Not once, has there ever been a mom exactly like you, nor a baby exactly like yours. This wonderful variety among people almost ensures that whatever trick worked for someone else probably won’t for you, and you’re left feeling like you’re doing something wrong. This book supports different parenting styles by offering help for nursing moms, bottle fed babies, pacifier users, co-sleeper and crib sleepers alike and provides dozens ideas from which you plot your own route out of the fog of sleep deprivation.
At four months old, my first daughter Danielle was only waking once a night and we thought the worst was behind us. However, her sleep got progressively worse as she started teething and reaching developmental milestones. I knew my tenderhearted husband and I would not be able to muster the wherewithal to let her cry-it-out, as her doctor and many of my friends felt was the only way.
According to my sleep logs, at about 9 months of age I was up 11 times a night tending to every little whimper and perceived sign of discomfort. She was sleeping a total of 8 ½ hours a night with only one or two short 45 minute naps a day. I was exhausted, desperate, and feeling like a failure because I couldn’t help my spirited little baby get the rest she needed. Other babies I knew that were her age were taking two, two-hour naps a day and sleeping 12 hours a night! What was I doing wrong? It turned out that my spirited baby wasn't wired to sleep as much as other babies, and that’s OK. Using this book, I learned how to set her circadian rhythms, (and my own) and how to prime her for sleep. With something as simple as setting an early bedtime, she improved her sleep by almost 2 hours a night! Further, I was able to learn to which night-wakings I needed to respond and which was normal sleep movements and noises. I was waking the poor thing up! The map I created led us to a place we could live in. It still fell short of other people’s standards, but that was OK; because as Elizabeth teaches it’s only a problem, if we feel it's a problem. And we no longer did.
By the time Gabrielle came along, all those changes we made to our daily life that felt unnatural four years ago were now intuitive. I followed Elizabeth’s advice without even being conscious of it and had a much easier time helping her sleep well from the beginning. Although, we too found ourselves in rough waters, but Elizabeth’s book was right there, whispering words of kindly advice like breezes into my sails, righting our course and sending us to the pleasant waters of restful nights.
How this Book Works
One of the first things Elizabeth says is to “use this book however it is helpful to you”. You don’t like the idea of doing logs all night or the formality of creating a sleep plan? Don't. It’s OK. The strength of this book is the ideas, support and hope it provides. It is a map showing many routes out of the fog of sleep deprivation. You build your own boat, choose the beacons and the speed at which you travel. The magic is that with her ideas and your perseverance, they all lead to a sunnier place.
Do a Safety Check
Whether you plan to co-sleep, use a co-sleeper or crib there are important safety considerations to follow. I found the co-sleeping safety advice particularly helpful, most other resources simply discourage the practice and since I chose to do it anyway, I was grateful that Elizabeth showed me how to do it safely.
Learn Basic Sleep Facts
Just the most important facts about sleep and circadian rhythms to help you understand how the following solutions will help.
Sleep Logs
Logging what’s actually happening at night to help you asses your current situation. This is probably the most discouraging step, but hang in there—help is coming!
Review and Choose Solutions
I was relieved when I got to this point. The solutions are divided into sections based on age: newborn to four-months-old and four-months to two-years old.
Create your Personal Sleep Plan
This is the fun part. You pick and choose from all the wonderful ideas to create a plan that fits you and your baby.
The second half of the book deals with logging your nights using your new plan so you can track your progress and troubleshoot the rough spots. It may take several iterations to achieve the goals you set, but you’re well on your way. At this point I began to think of Elizabeth as my wise friend and the other moms as my sleep support group. Their testimonies, woven throughout the book, are very comforting and supportive. The book wraps up with more information about revising your plan and logging your results as well as information about how to get you sleeping again, once baby is doing better.
It is a concise 246 pages, chock full of advice, support and only the most pertinent clinical information. After all, tired mamas shouldn't have to wade through a thousand page tome of medical jargon to glean a little help and hope.
Once you've navigated out of the fog of sleep deprivation, you can bask in the love and beauty of your baby. You’ll see with clarity routes through the many challenges of parenthood and life. Each night you can go to bed relaxed knowing that you have the skills to navigate through future patches of rough water, thanks to your perseverance and this lovely book.
Angela_D
Posted April 11, 2013
I Also Recommend:
Of all the parenting books I've read, the "No Cry" series has been the most helpful by far! My son has always been a sensitive sleeper, and No Cry Sleep Solution gave me the resolve to resist everyone who said we should let him cry it out when he was 9 months old and still waking several times each night. One evening when he was a little less than a year old, he didn't drift to sleep while nursing like he had been doing - I put him in his crib wide awake, and he talked and chattered to himself until he fell asleep on his own and then slept all night! It isn't magic - he just needed to be ready. He's almost 2 now, and I honestly think we'd still have problems getting him to go to bed if we'd let him cry it out at that age.
I just bought No Cry Discipline Solution, and am again impressed by Ms Pantley's compassionate approach. Her books approach parenting from the perspective of understanding how children think and why they do what they do, rather than trying to 'break' them of certain behaviors. Highly recommended!
Anonymous
Posted March 19, 2013
If you are a parent who is committed to gentle parenting, then this is the sleep book for you. As hard as it is to hear and read it, I love how Mrs. Pantley points out that it is normal for babies to wake up 2-3 times/night up to six months of age and 1-2 times/night up to a year, and even nurse at night until a year old. Yes, the sleep dance of two steps forward, one step back is challenging, but she provides a lot of "no-cry" ideas to help things move in the right direction. Having read many sleep books, most of them are a one size fits all solution with the goal being the parent getting a night of uninterrupted sleep and an exact schedule of breaks during naptime in a very, very short period of time. It does sound nice, but what does it do to the child? I love how this book helps the parent develop a plan that meets the needs of the baby and him/her. I practice a lot of attachment parenting techniques (baby wearing, extended breastfeeding, responding as quickly as possible to the babies needs, etc.), but I have never been crazy about co-sleeping beyond the first few months. Reading this book, I felt like Mrs. Pantley understood some parents who don't want to do that, but love their children and don't want to let them cry themselves to sleep. As a second time parent, I have learned to tell myself the first six months are going to be really challenging with sleep, but the return (a happy baby) is well worth it! When my baby and me are having a "bad" sleep day, I remind myself how frustrated I am when I can't fall asleep and how frustrated my baby must be.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Erin722
Posted March 16, 2013
I feel blessed with an absolutely wonderful baby who is perfect in many ways, but let's just say that sleeping is NOT one of them. Our little guy started sleeping longer stretches when he was around 12 weeks or so (up to 3-5 hours from every 2 hours and then he even started going 7 hour stretches), so I thought we were moving in the right direction. Then we had to stop swaddling (he started rolling over) and night time became my worst nightmare. He began waking up every hour, on the hour, and most of the time it was just because he wanted us to pop his pacifier in his mouth. I had gone back to work with a relatively well sleeping baby, and all of a sudden I had to function on 45 minute increments of sleep. I was desperate and losing my mind. Many people told me to look at "cry it out" methods, (ALL of whom said it was "awful" but that it was like a bandaid...just do it. Just rip it off...). I wasn't completely opposed to it. After all, it's what the majority of folks had done for decades...but I definitely wasn't for it either. I wanted to see if there were other options to try first. That's how I found this book! It changed our lives in a matter of weeks. It's only been a couple of months, but so far we've seen his night wakings go from 12-14 down to 0 - 3. Even then he just wakes up to eat and then goes right back down without even a fuss. I have recommended this book to my other mommy friends, and two of them have shared with me that it's helped them too. I would recommend trying it to anyone!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.HWilliams1983
Posted March 14, 2013
I thought everything was lost. The only advice I was getting from friends and family was to let my baby cry it out. I stumbled across this book and it was amazing! My son started sleeping larger periods, as he was only sleeping 1 hour at a time before this book. This book saved my life and helped me get back on my feet to do more with my kiddos during the day (I had a 2 year old also at the time). We later discovered my son had ear issues and was crying due to the pressure, so I am glad I found a more gentle way to help him learn to sleep instead of just leaving him to deal with it. This book will help you get into a routine and help your little one sleep, and help mommy & daddy get some rest too!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Dm360
Posted February 6, 2013
I didn't come upon this book until my second child, and boy do I wish I knew all of the information with my first as well! I tried the cry-it-out method with my first child, she cried until she was so upset she threw up. I just couldn't justify trying that ever again.
This book is amazing. As a co-sleeping, breastfeeding mom, I was skeptical of a no-cry solution for getting my son to sleep. Of course, naturally, he thought being up meant the buffet was open 24/7! My baby thought that I had to be right beside him in order for him to stay asleep, so I accepted that I had to go to bed by 9pm every night, with him beside me.
I read this book every spare second I got, while nursing, during the time I had to spend rocking my baby at night and I started making notes of what my plan was, as soon as I had read the whole book I put the plan into action. It's a little scary to write down how often you are waking with a baby all night, I hadn't realized my 12 month old was getting up so often!
On the first day I recorded 9 times that my son was up between 8pm and 8am. I stuck to my plan and set a reminder on my phone to log again on the 10th day. I didn't look at the clock or count night wakings again until 10 days later. On the 10th night he had only woken up ONE time for a quick feeding and slept again until the alarm went off in the morning!! He can now sleep beside me and he can sleep without me.
The thing I liked most about this book was how easily it is laid out to take action and make a plan THAT SUITS YOUR SPECIFIC NEEDS. There are different plans for everyone whether you are breastfeeding, bottle feeding, co-sleeping, crib sleeping or all share a family bed... and of course depending on your child's age.
Elizabeth Pantley writes this book so that when you have finished reading, you don't have any questions. It just makes sense. She recognizes the need to respond to your parenting instincts, and if something is not working to re-evaluate, and start again. There is so much information in this book about your baby and why your baby is waking the way he/she is. After you read it, EVERYTHING makes sense! Even if you are skeptical, it doesn't hurt to give this a try before you give up!
I highly recommend this book to any parent who doesn't want to watch their child suffer in order for a good nights sleep.
Anonymous
Posted January 21, 2013
My 6 month old son went from waking every 45 minutes to sleeping for 5 hour stretches after just 7 days of following the plan we created after reading this book. He has kept it up for two weeks now! Last night was our best one yet. He went to sleep at 6:30 PM, woke up to nurse at 3:30 AM for just 15 minutes, and then went back to sleep until 7:30 AM. And we did it without any tears (ours or his!). Everyone in our family is healthier and happier now because of the progress we’ve made.
There are so many reasons why this book works:
1. It is easy to read (very important for sleep-deprived parents).
2. It is easy to implement. Yes, it requires record-keeping and charting. No, it is not an overnight fix. But the work it takes it so minimal when you remember that the end goal is a healthy night's sleep for everyone. I was already awake with my son every 45 minutes all night long, and it wasn't any harder for me to jot down a couple notes each time I got up with him.
3. I learned A LOT about my baby. I thought the record-keeping was fantastic because it showed me trends in my baby's behavior that I never noticed. For example, I realized that his sleep was especially terrible on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I went to a 4:30 PM yoga class and had him in the gym's nursery for that hour-long class. The commotion and stimulation was too much for him that late in the day. I changed my schedule, and now I go to class at a different time. That is just one of the eye-openers I had after doing the record-keeping. I know what he needs now in ways that I didn't before.
4. I never felt like I was "training" my son with gimmicks or manipulation. I felt like I was teaching him how to sleep in ways that correspond with his individual needs. The methods Pantley suggests in this book are very natural, loving, and common-sense. Best of all, she gives clear and detailed examples of how to actually implement them successfully--and how to tailor different strategies to work with your particular baby. For example, my son loves to nurse to sleep, and I love nursing him. I didn't want to give that up in order to help him sleep through the night. I didn't have to. We still nurse to sleep at the beginning of the night and if he's hungry, but he doesn't NEED it to fall asleep any longer.
I am so grateful for this book. It's an important addition to any family's library. Books like this--books that provide resources to help children grow up to have strong emotional attachments, empathy, and trust; and to also feel loved—are so important. I now plan to give it as a baby shower gift to every new mom I know!
Anonymous
Posted December 28, 2012
How is this a nook book if I can't read the damn thing on my nook?
0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.CharmedImSure
Posted December 15, 2012
When I had my son everything I thought I knew about being a parent changed. At the beginning he slept with me or on my lap, which I think I needed as much as he did because I was nervous something would happen to him. When he got a bit older and I tried to put him in his crib for sleep it was not happening. Everyone told me to just let him cry but it wasn't something I was prepared to do. After reading up on what Dr. Sears has to say about sleep "training" I knew that leaving my child to cry alone in his crib wasn't for me. I found Elizabeth Pantley's book one particularly sleepless night after my son had woken and needed to be nursed to sleep for the 4th time.
I started using her techniques and the first night was long. It took me 80 minutes, but I was able to put my son down drowsy in his crib without any tears (on either of our parts!) The second night it took about 40 minutes. The third night 30 minutes. By 10 days in my son was unlatching himself when he was nursed and sleepy within a few minutes, and WILLINGLY and PEACEFULLY going to sleep on his own in his crib. So, yes, that first night of 80 minutes of latching and unlatching were both painful and tiring for me, the benefit for my son outweighed any inconvenience. And, sure, when he is not feeling well or teething I let him nurse to sleep, the same as any child needs extra comfort at those times, but I have noticed that when he is well he accepts being put down drowsy with minimal reminder of maybe needing to be unlatched once or twice without a single tear. And he is a baby who has slept through the night--on his own when he was developmentally ready--since 7.5 months. Ultimately, not needing to resort to letting my son "cry it out" was both comforting and empowering. There IS a better way, and Elizabeth Pantley has found it. I recommend this book to every new parent who will listen.
Anonymous
Posted December 7, 2012
Before our son was born, my husband and I agreed that gentle and instinctual parenting was the way to go for us. We had no interest in “cry it out” methods and knew we could help our child to sleep by establishing routines.
When our son was born and we dove into the reality of parenthood, we still held the same beliefs, but had no real tools to help us. Friends and family members suggested other baby books that I would read a few pages of and never pick up again. From there, I fought the battle between being strong and following my instincts, doing only what felt right, and listening to others who suggested that my son “should” have been behaving differently.
I wish I had found Elizabeth Pantley’s “No Cry Sleep Solution” earlier. I found it in a bookstore when my son was almost a year old. I knew straight away that this book was for us. Finding a solution that did not involve hearing my son cry or experiencing the heartache that mother’s speak off when they try “cry it out” was the first thing that appealed to me, and I loved that Elizabeth had tips that catered for a range of situations (co-sleeping or not, breastfeeding or not, and both infants and toddlers).
Reading this book took a weight off my shoulders. On the tough days, it reminded me that the gentle techniques we were already using could work, and it gave me fresh, practical ideas that were appropriate for our family situation.
The overriding message I received from this book was to decide if my son’s sleep “problems” were even problems at all, or if I was being pressured by society’s ideas of how a baby should sleep and what a baby needs. With this message reinforced throughout the book, we were able to gently work on the things that were bothering us, and it gave us the patience to wait for the other things to iron themselves out. Elizabeth Pantley’s book gave me the confidence to once again trust my instincts and to do what I felt was right for my son. And I can happily say that now, at 18 months old, the techniques have worked and our patience has paid off.
Thank you Elizabeth for reminding us that sometimes, it is our expectations that need adjusting, and when there truly is a problem, finding a solution does not have to be upsetting or traumatic for anyone in the family – child or adult.
melj180
Posted December 1, 2012
A friend of mine recommended this book to me early on with my first kiddo. I was perpetually sleep deprived and miserable. I was so thrilled to finally find a resource that assured me that things could be different and could be dealt with in a purely gentle and loving manner.
I would recommend this book to any and every parent! It's full of super useful information that will help you understand the needs of your sweet baby... and then outlines a plan to help assess your specific sleep challenges, and *gasp* SOLUTIONS!!! Seriously, I had just thrown in the towel that I was going to be tired until my kiddo grew out of it, but she offers help and insight to achieve sleep harmony for the entire family, all in a gentle and loving way!!! Thank you, Elizabeth Pantley!! :)
Overview
A breakthrough approach for a good night's sleep—with no tears
There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the night: the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the baby "cry it out," or the grin-and-bear-it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you don't believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in Elizabeth ...