The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships (The Rules Series)

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Overview

Love .

Some people know how to find it...Share it...Make it last.

Were they born that way? No. ...

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Overview

Love .

Some people know how to find it...Share it...Make it last.

Were they born that way? No. They’ve learned the rules.

Rules you can learn, too.

The Rules of Love.

Here they are:

100 simple rules to live and love by...

Rules for finding a partner you can love for a lifetime...

and keeping your partner just as happy...

for keeping your relationship fresh, intimate, and wonderfully surprising...

for getting past game playing, jealousy, arguments, and history...

for actually, really communicating...

for knowing what matters, and what doesn’t...

for building better relationships with your entire family

(including your kids...maybe even your in-laws)

The most important rules you will ever follow

Follow them to joy,

to contentment,

to lifelong love

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780137149964
  • Publisher: FT Press
  • Publication date: 12/12/2008
  • Series: The Rules Ser.
  • Pages: 223
  • Product dimensions: 5.30 (w) x 8.30 (h) x 0.60 (d)

Meet the Author

Richard Templar is the author of international bestsellers The Rules of Money, The Rules of Work, The Rules of Management, The Rules of Life, and The Rules of Parenting.

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Read an Excerpt

TheRulesOf_Series Introduction

Love. It’s simple isn’t it? You love your family and your friends; they love you back. You find a partner who you love, and who loves you, too. And you don’t even have to try—it just happens. All true, but if you’re reading this book, you already know full well that it’s much, much more complex.

Love between people almost always has its complications—because people are complicated. Love can be tried and tested and stretched to its limits. Sometimes we love the wrong person. We can love too much, or not enough. We can feel it but not know how to show it. We can think love is enough, when actually it isn’t. We can struggle to find it—or be unsure if we’ve found it or not. And sometimes we think it’s still there, but we can feel it ebbing away and not know how to restore it to its full glory.

Love is often involved in our highest highs and our deepest lows. And it’s almost always linked to contentment, which frankly is what most of us ultimately want in life. And so we should. It’s a lofty aim. Imagine yourself in old age for a moment. You’re sitting in the sunshine next to your partner (who is also your best friend, confidante and lover) and you’re surrounded by family and friends. Children are playing on the grass around you, and everywhere is the sound of laughter and happy voices. Yes, I know it sounds like the ending of the most unwatchable, sugary film ever. But deep down, wouldn’t you like to feel you were heading for moments like that?

It all comes down to forming strong and loving relationships that will stay strong all yourlife—well, starting from now at least—and accumulating people around you who make you happy and who enjoy your company.

It all comes down to love. The four-letter word that has more poems, stories, and sermons written about it than any other. The supposedly basic and straightforward emotion that so many of us find a bit trickier than we feel it should be. We’re told to love our neighbor, love our fellow man, that love makes the world go round, love conquers all, all you need is love.

Yes, yes, but how do you actually do it? How do you get it right and make it last and keep it fresh? It may be a basic human instinct, but it’s not that easy. We keep messing it up. Relationships fail, friends let us down, family isn’t there when we need them, or children blame us for everything that goes wrong in their lives.

It’s all very well saying that all you need is love, but it’s not actually true. All you need is love plus an instruction manual for what to do with it once you’ve got it. Well, I’ve never tracked down an instruction manual, so I’ve had to do my best to assemble my own.

To begin with, I was as lost as anyone. But as you’ll know if you’ve read any of my other Rules books, what I really do well in life is watch other people. I can’t always seem to get everything right myself, but I can see what the people who do get it right are doing. So that’s what I’ve done. I’ve studied all kinds of people in relationships with family and friends. It soon became clear that a few people are really good at love, but that most of us struggle. So what is it that the successful people do? Is there something they know and do that the rest of us could learn from? You bet there is. That’s what’s contained in this book. And here it is: If you do what the happiest people do, you’ll become as happy as them.

I’ve pulled together the top 100 Rules as I’ve observed them in other people, plus a few I’ve learned for myself along the way. The people who follow these Rules most closely are the ones who find a partner who makes them happy and manage to keep that relationship fresh and rewarding for life. They are the ones who have close supportive families and whose children want to spend time with them. They are the ones with the closest and most rewarding friendships, and with people who are always there for them. They are the world’s natural Rules Players.

An instruction manual for love seems like an odd thing. It’s not a sex manual—do go and buy one of those, too, if you think that’d be useful because you won’t find that kind of instruction here. This is a collection of behaviors to follow all your life to be better at loving people, and to be loved better in return. There are practical Rules and emotional Rules and tough Rules and easy Rules—I’ve just assembled everything I think will help you come to grips with love and how to use it.

You know most of this stuff anyway, though you might not realize it. Much of it is common sense. As with all my books, these are reminders, not revelations. And that’s as it should be. Love isn’t so difficult that there are secrets you never knew; it’s just that sometimes we lose the plot and need to remind ourselves of what’s really important and what we should aim for to make all our relationships deep and lasting.

I’ve divided the book into sections to make it easier to use. I’ve included sections on finding love, relationships, parting (not too many of those, because you don’t want to dwell on it), family, and friendship. Some of the Rules seemed to overlap a bit, so I’ve put them in whichever section seemed most appropriate—you’ll have to forgive me if you disagree with my choice. And there were just a few Rules left over at the end that seemed to belong equally in every section, so I’ve collected them up in the final section, “Rules for Everyone.”

I’ve spent many years collecting these Rules, but I bet there is more to learn. There always is, thank goodness. You may have come across guiding principles that I haven’t included. If so, I’d love to hear from you so I can add them to my collection. You can email me at Richard.Templar@RichardTemplar.co.uk.

With love,
Richard Templar

© Copyright Pearson Education. All rights reserved.

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

Introduction xii

Part I Rules for Finding Love 1

Rule 1 Be Yourself 4

Rule 2 Get Over It Before You Get on with It 5

Rule 3 You Won’t Be Happy with a Partner Until You Can Be Happy on Your Own 8

Rule 4 You’ll Know Them When You Meet Them 10

Rule 5 Choose Someone Who Makes You Laugh 12

Rule 6 Being Less than a Hundred Percent Attractive Is a Great Filter 14

Rule 7 Don’t Keep Making the Same Mistakes 16

Rule 8 Certain People Are Off Limits (You Know Who They Are) 18

Rule 9 You Can’t Change People 20

Rule 10 Relationships Aren’t About Sex 22

Rule 11 You Should Know Someone Through All the Seasons Before You Make Any Major Decisions 24

Rule 12 Don’t Stay with Someone Who Doesn’t Care 26

Rule 13 If You Can’t Trust Them, You Haven’t Got a Relationship 28

Rule 14 Be Honest (While You Still Have the Chance) 30

Rule 15 Don’t Play Games 32

Rule 16 Don’t Paint New Partners with Old Brushes 34

Rule 17 Make Sure You Both Have the Same Shared Goals 36

Rule 18 You Can’t Make Someone Love You 38

Rule 19 Be Cruel to Be Kind 40

Part II Rules of Relationships 43

Rule 20 Be Nice 46

Rule 21 Be Together Because You Want to, Not Because You Need To 48

Rule 22 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves 50

Rule 23 Look to Your Own Faults 52

Rule 24 Be Honorable 54

Rule 25 Put Each Other First 56

Rule 26 Recognize the Signs 58

Rule 27 Be a Hero--or a Heroine 60

Rule 28 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common 62

Rule 29 Houston, We Have a Problem 64

Rule 30 You Want to Do What? 66

Rule 31 Let Not the Sun Go Down Upon Your Wrath 68

Rule 32 Be the First to Say Sorry 70

Rule 33 Don’t Belittle Your Partner 72

Rule 34 Don’t Put Them on a Pedestal and Expect Them to Stay There 74

Rule 35 Don’t Dump Responsibility on Your Partner 76

Rule 36 Never Stop Trying to Be Attractive 78

Rule 37 If You Can Say Anything Nice, Do 80

Rule 38 Don’t Try to Be Their Parent 82

Rule 39 Don’t Be a Nag 84

Rule 40 If Little Things Annoy You, Say So--with Humor 86

Rule 41 Go that Extra Step in Trying to Please Them 88

Rule 42 Make Sure Your Partner Is Always Pleased to See You 90

Rule 43 Know When to Listen and When to Act 92

Rule 44 Let Them Know If You Don’t Like Their Friends 94

Rule 45 Jealousy Is Your Stuff, Not Theirs 96

Rule 46 Your Partner Is More Important than Your Kids 98

Rule 47 Make Time for Romance 100

Rule 48 Have a Passion for Your Life Together 102

Rule 49 Share the Workload 104

Rule 50 Trust the Other One to Do the Job 106

Rule 51 Be Part of Their Life 108

Rule 52 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love 110

Rule 53 Don’t Control Them 112

Rule 54 Listen to What They’re Not Saying 114

Rule 55 Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else 116

Rule 56 Respect Privacy 118

Rule 57 Treat Your Partner Better than Your Best Friend 120

Rule 58 Don’t Be Offended If They Want Some Space 122

Rule 59 Men Like Flowers, Too 124

Rule 60 Keep Your Finances Separate 126

Rule 61 Contentment Is a High Aim 128

Rule 62 Be Generous to Each Other Financially 130

Rule 63 You Make a Choice Every Day 132

Rule 64 Don’t’ Be a Martyr 134

Rule 65 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules 136

Rule 66 Put Yourself in Their Shoes 138

Rule 67 In-Laws Are Part of the Package 140

Rule 68 Keep Talking 142

Part III Rules of Parting 145

Rule 69 Listen to Your Own Internal Voice 148

Rule 70 Recognize That It Takes Two 150

Rule 71 Keep the Moral High Ground 152

Rule 72 Don’t Keep Reliving It Over and Over 154

Rule 73 Leave the Kids Out of It 156

Part IV Rules for Family 159

Rule 74 Don’t Blame Your Parents 162

Rule 75 Don’t Let Your Parents Control Your Feelings 164

Rule 76 Your Children Come Before You 166

Rule 77 Nothing Is Worth Falling Out Over 168

Rule 78 Treat Them the Way You Believe Is Right, No Matter How They Treat You 170

Rule 79 Don’t Pressure Your Family Just Because You Can 172

Rule 80 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones 174

Rule 81 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home 176

Rule 82 They Don’t Have to Be the Same as You 178

Rule 83 There’s Always Stuff with Siblings 180

Rule 84 Let Go of Your Role 182

Part V Rules of Friendship 185

Rule 85 There Are No Rules 188

Rule 86 Your Best Friend Was Once a Stranger 190

Rule 87 Only Have People in Your Life Who Make It Better, Not Worse 192

Rule 88 If You’re Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend 194

Rule 89 Never Give Advice 196

Rule 90 Find Friends Who Love the Truth 198

Rule 91 Never Lend Money Unless You’re Prepared to Write It Off 200

Rule 92 If You Don’t Like Their Partner, Tough 202

Rule 93 When One Finger Points Forward, Three Point Back 204

Rule 94 Friendships Change 206

Rule 95 Know When to Let Go 208

Rule 96 Bitterness Helps No One 210

Part VI Rules for Everyone 213

Rule 97 Guilt Is a Selfish Emotion 216

Rule 98 Love Equals Time 218

Rule 99 The More You Give, the More You Get Back 220

Rule 100 Other People Are Where It’s At 222

Read More Show Less

Preface

Introduction

Love. It’s simple isn’t it? You love your family and your friends; they love you back. You find a partner who you love, and who loves you, too. And you don’t even have to try—it just happens. All true, but if you’re reading this book, you already know full well that it’s much, much more complex.

Love between people almost always has its complications—because people are complicated. Love can be tried and tested and stretched to its limits. Sometimes we love the wrong person. We can love too much, or not enough. We can feel it but not know how to show it. We can think love is enough, when actually it isn’t. We can struggle to find it—or be unsure if we’ve found it or not. And sometimes we think it’s still there, but we can feel it ebbing away and not know how to restore it to its full glory.

Love is often involved in our highest highs and our deepest lows. And it’s almost always linked to contentment, which frankly is what most of us ultimately want in life. And so we should. It’s a lofty aim. Imagine yourself in old age for a moment. You’re sitting in the sunshine next to your partner (who is also your best friend, confidante and lover) and you’re surrounded by family and friends. Children are playing on the grass around you, and everywhere is the sound of laughter and happy voices. Yes, I know it sounds like the ending of the most unwatchable, sugary film ever. But deep down, wouldn’t you like to feel you were heading for moments like that?

It all comes down to forming strong and loving relationships that will stay strong all your life—well, starting from now at least—and accumulating people around you who make you happy and who enjoy your company.

It all comes down to love. The four-letter word that has more poems, stories, and sermons written about it than any other. The supposedly basic and straightforward emotion that so many of us find a bit trickier than we feel it should be. We’re told to love our neighbor, love our fellow man, that love makes the world go round, love conquers all, all you need is love.

Yes, yes, but how do you actually do it? How do you get it right and make it last and keep it fresh? It may be a basic human instinct, but it’s not that easy. We keep messing it up. Relationships fail, friends let us down, family isn’t there when we need them, or children blame us for everything that goes wrong in their lives.

It’s all very well saying that all you need is love, but it’s not actually true. All you need is love plus an instruction manual for what to do with it once you’ve got it. Well, I’ve never tracked down an instruction manual, so I’ve had to do my best to assemble my own.

To begin with, I was as lost as anyone. But as you’ll know if you’ve read any of my other Rules books, what I really do well in life is watch other people. I can’t always seem to get everything right myself, but I can see what the people who do get it right are doing. So that’s what I’ve done. I’ve studied all kinds of people in relationships with family and friends. It soon became clear that a few people are really good at love, but that most of us struggle. So what is it that the successful people do? Is there something they know and do that the rest of us could learn from? You bet there is. That’s what’s contained in this book. And here it is: If you do what the happiest people do, you’ll become as happy as them.

I’ve pulled together the top 100 Rules as I’ve observed them in other people, plus a few I’ve learned for myself along the way. The people who follow these Rules most closely are the ones who find a partner who makes them happy and manage to keep that relationship fresh and rewarding for life. They are the ones who have close supportive families and whose children want to spend time with them. They are the ones with the closest and most rewarding friendships, and with people who are always there for them. They are the world’s natural Rules Players.

An instruction manual for love seems like an odd thing. It’s not a sex manual—do go and buy one of those, too, if you think that’d be useful because you won’t find that kind of instruction here. This is a collection of behaviors to follow all your life to be better at loving people, and to be loved better in return. There are practical Rules and emotional Rules and tough Rules and easy Rules—I’ve just assembled everything I think will help you come to grips with love and how to use it.

You know most of this stuff anyway, though you might not realize it. Much of it is common sense. As with all my books, these are reminders, not revelations. And that’s as it should be. Love isn’t so difficult that there are secrets you never knew; it’s just that sometimes we lose the plot and need to remind ourselves of what’s really important and what we should aim for to make all our relationships deep and lasting.

I’ve divided the book into sections to make it easier to use. I’ve included sections on finding love, relationships, parting (not too many of those, because you don’t want to dwell on it), family, and friendship. Some of the Rules seemed to overlap a bit, so I’ve put them in whichever section seemed most appropriate—you’ll have to forgive me if you disagree with my choice. And there were just a few Rules left over at the end that seemed to belong equally in every section, so I’ve collected them up in the final section, “Rules for Everyone.”

I’ve spent many years collecting these Rules, but I bet there is more to learn. There always is, thank goodness. You may have come across guiding principles that I haven’t included. If so, I’d love to hear from you so I can add them to my collection. You can email me at Richard.Templar@RichardTemplar.co.uk.

With love,
Richard Templar

© Copyright Pearson Education. All rights reserved.

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3
( 13 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 13 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 31, 2012

    Great for Valentines Day!

    Simple one page "rules" that reinforce the power of love. A perfect gift for the one you love or for yourself.

    8 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 27, 2012

    The fix and a review

    To fix choose a page to go to. Since you are stuck on page 1 tap the bottom, choose go to page, done and flip through your pages. A very good book to read and it was free! :-)

    5 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 19, 2012

    Something is wrong with it...

    Says it has 223 pages but won't scroll past the cover page. Please fix!

    5 out of 18 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 23, 2013

    Not very good: Makes single people feel worse not better!

    The majority of the rules were written for people who are currently actively dating or married. The author claims if you follow his advice you will have the relationship you truly want. However, I have done or avoided most of them and am no closer to finding a soulmate, much less prospects. I tried to be hopeful, positive even, but in the end I wound up feeling worse about myself not better, by reading this book. If there is someone out there for me I'd like to know where he is??? The author seems to think Mister Right is just going to turn up. HA! Not likely. In my case this book has made me feel even more hopeless because it seems like every person in my town who I have regular contact with are people the author says are not good partner material. How the heck am I supposed to follow the majority of these rules, when seemingly, the lake of prospects is proverbially fished out?!? He really needs to rewrite this, not for the partnered people, they already have their happiness, but for the rest of us who have tried his tips and still get nowhere or get crushed by rejection constantly. He seems to think EVERYONE can have it easy and find love, but obviously all his examples come, mostly, from friends or family.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 29, 2012

    Great book!

    What a great book to keep in my life! It is well written and is something that i will read time and time again to remind me of great rules to maintain any kind of relationship. Thank you so much for this free book! Highly recommend! -genie

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 5, 2012

    Good book

    It is really helpful in some areas. I liked it very much.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 3, 2012

    bad freebie

    This will not go past the cover page when I try to open it..... :(

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 6, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 23, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 5, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted August 25, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 19, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 11, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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