The Truth About Guys

Read an Excerpt

THE TRUTH about GUYS

Thomas Nelson

Chapter One

There is a woman at the beginning of all great things. —Alphonse de Lamartine

As my friend Kurt walked down the hall of his high school, he turned the corner and headed for his locker. It was hard to miss what had been done. Streamers, balloons, and a huge, glittery sign screamed Happy Birthday from his locker. His girlfriend, Traci, had obviously remembered.

Sure, he felt a little flushed as he fiddled with the lock and felt the stares of the kids around him, but inside he felt pretty good. As he opened the door, even more surprises were waiting. Tickets to the Cubs game were taped to the back of the locker door, and a large plastic container was filled with homemade chocolate chip cookies waiting to be eaten. Excellent. Any embarrassment that he may have had to deal with from the decorations had just been offset by the cookies. He reached in and took a bite.

It's Simple. Guys Like Girls.

I can't recall a recent story about a guy baking cookies at home just to treat himself. We just don't do that. As much as we love cookies—I mean, seriously, who hates cookies?—it's not something you see guys doing with their downtime.

Without girls, guys would be a mess! You do all kinds of things that are sweet, kind, and wonderful. All those girly traits you have are the missing pieces that complete the puzzle of a guy's world. Girls are pretty great, and most of the time you smell better than we do. Congratulations on that.

So, girls rule. Why? For starters ... you smile prettier than guys do, and like I said, you smell way better. There are probably a few hundred other reasons as well. We'll get to a lot of them eventually.

Also, you were born. Congrats on that. That's all it takes. I'm not sure a lot of girls understand this very simple point. You are a girl. Therefore, you are valuable and guys will like you. Promise. Don't argue. Not only are you valuable and interesting to guys, but you are also valuable to God. I like God because he says we are all pretty important, and he decorated this whole planet with hints of this truth: we are valuable. I like it when people say I'm valuable. I like this about God very much, that he keeps telling us how much we mean to him and to one another.

I spend a lot of time trying to understand young people and the things they go through. Through the interactions I have with teens all over the country, I get glimpses into what young people's lives are like.

As much as guys love sports and music, trying to be clever, getting dirty, lighting things on fire, and lifting weights, there is something that will always appeal to guys much more than all of that—YOU! You will. Females. Girls. You.

Guys like girls, love girls, need girls, and, as mentioned earlier, guys like the way girls smell. Guys eventually learn that everything is at least balanced, if not better, because of girls.

Girls Are Really Cool

There is something I've observed about girls in the classroom, in youth groups, at football games, at restaurants, walking down the street, pretty much everywhere actually. Girls are really cool. I mean that. You really are. Sure, you're a little silly sometimes, but you're fun and sweet and hilarious. Actually, guys are great too—don't get me wrong. It's just that guys, especially between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, try so hard to be macho. They can't help it. We'll tackle that later.

Now that I'm a bit older, here's what I see: guys and girls are distinctly different. God chose to make women unique, and there is nothing else like them in all of his creation. Men have written about women in love poems, novels, poetry, and music throughout time—yet our fascination with women never lessens! Women stir up wonder, amazement, and pure mystery in the very fabric of men. In some small way, we are trying to capture your true nature—a goal that can never fully be realized. Still, we try.

Guys have always been completely and utterly fascinated with the girl creature! If the mountains and oceans are the peaks of God's earthly creation, then women are by far his best creation when it comes to living things.

SHHH!

Here's a little not-so-secret thought: God sees you as his beautiful creation. He's the One who said, "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). So he made women. No guy can make you into anything more beautiful than God already has. A guy's job is to affirm the worth you have already been given.

Discussion Stuff

1. What are three of the most confusing questions you have about guys?

2. In what ways are you letting yourself, your value, your worth, be defined by other people?

3. Have you let other people take away some of your value?

4. What are three great things that you wish guys knew about you? (Yes, you have to think of three whole things.)

5. What mistakes have you seen girls make when dealing with the opposite sex?

Chapter Two

I didn't belong as a kid, and that always bothered me. If I'd only known that one day my differentness would be an asset, then my early life would have been much easier. —Bette Midler

What's wrong, Jamie?" her mom asked as she came home from school in a huff. Jamie's face was flushed and wore a scowl.

"Wrong? Wrong? Let's see ... I can't stand my droopy hair. I've gained seven pounds. I don't have anything new to wear, so I look like a dork. I didn't make the cheerleading squad. And now I've got two huge zits on my face! It's no wonder Jimmy Kennedy doesn't like me!"

"Oh, sweetheart," her mom replied. "You're a beautiful girl. If Jimmy doesn't see that, then he doesn't deserve to go out with you."

Jamie looked at her mom and rolled her eyes. "I knew you wouldn't understand," she said.

Guess What

Girls are pretty great in lots of ways. Just in case you still have any doubts—and you might occasionally—glance through this list to remind yourself how great you are:

* Girls understand beauty and color. You aren't usually fashion blind. You wear stuff that looks great together, including your shoes. Your bedrooms are cute, coordinated, and everything matches. This is utterly baffling to most guys on earth.

* Girls are often more honest. You aren't afraid to feel things and speak from your heart, and you sometimes learn to trust more easily.

* Girls have more clothing choices. Girls can wear shirts, pants, dresses, shorts, skirts, and shoes ... in about 4 million different combinations.

* Girls often motivate guys to do all sorts of things guys normally wouldn't do—like take a shower, look you right in the eyes when talking to you, write you love songs, buy gifts, remember special occasions, and even try to save the world!

* Girls are more likely than guys to dance great, and you're often willing to teach others how to do it.

* Girls giggle, jump around, and get really excited with each other for no reason. Do you enjoy life more, or does it just seem like it? In other words, you express yourself, and it's great.

* Girls usually observe the smaller things and the details that make everyday life feel more special.

SHHH!

Here's a secret: the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable you are with others. I'll probably say this over and over again, but it's because it really is important. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable you are with others. We can talk about lots of reasons why girls are great. But the individual, unique you God created may be tall, short, thin, or heavy; pearl, oval, boxy, or pencil-shaped; brunette, blonde, or redheaded; Asian, African, Caucasian, or a tiny little alien. You might be outgoing, shy, an ace student, or one who has to study twice as much as your friends. You may be a super athlete or a klutz. You get the idea. None of that, or anything else, really matters until you are comfortable with yourself—the you God made you to be. A verse in the Bible, Psalm 139:14, says that God made you in "an amazing and wonderful way." You can trust this or not. But really, and let's be honest, it's pretty encouraging and there's absolutely no downside to it. I hope you know—or at least will learn to know—that you are pretty great. That you are good, funny, smart, kind, goofy, smiley, silly, mysterious, passionate, creative, and a lot of other things that make you ... you. Seeing yourself as God sees you will help others, including guys, see how wonderful you are! Maybe this sounds a little trite, like something you would expect to hear from your mom and dad. You can circle the globe for answers, but the only way that you can become comfortable with yourself is by trusting that what God says about you in his Word is true. Nothing in this book matters as much as that. Guys like girls who know they are valuable. That doesn't mean stuck-up, trendy, or sexy, but valuable.

Girls with a poor self-image usually don't end up living happily ever after. I wish they did, but I wouldn't bet on it. Sure, sometimes things happen and life turns out great. God can show love, redemption, forgiveness, and real value through our friendships and relationships. But God already made each one of you unique and beautiful. It's up to you to embrace who you are and to love yourselves so that your inner being can shine through to others. That's what makes you lovable—knowing that you are, in fact, loved already.

Look in the Mirror

The starting point in all of this is you! The God of the entire universe created you. You are his. He loves you just the way you are. Do you see yourself the way he sees you? The Bible says God doesn't look at your outward appearance; he looks at your heart (1 Samuel 16:7). That means what you think is more important to God than what you look like.

The fact is ... what you think of yourself will determine everything else about how others see and think of you. When you are comfortable on the inside, it changes everything about how you look and relate to others. This includes smelly boys.

Here are a few questions to get you thinking about where your starting point is:

* What do people think of you when they meet you? Do they think you care about them?

* What are the three best things about you? How would you rank your beauty, intelligence, and humor from one (being bad) to ten (being great)?

* Are you awesome, cool, and fun to hang out with? Are you more of a flirt or a friend? Are you confident or just faking it? Are you selfish and self-centered, or are other guys and girls important to you?

* What does a guy have to do to earn your attention? Is it easy or difficult for others to get your attention?

* What are the three most important things in your life? What are some of your greatest achievements? What do you feel most comfortable with about yourself?

* Do you allow yourself to be loved the way God says you are to be loved?

If you don't know the answers to most of these questions, that's okay. But ... you have work to do. And like most other girls, you really do have a lot to learn about yourself.

Guys tend to be more enthralled by and excited about girls who are secure in their own worth. Guys can't create your value; we can only appreciate it. You have to be the starting point. You have to know that God loves you, or you can't love yourself—and nobody else can love you either. And the cool thing is that you don't have to guess about whether or not God loves you. (See Psalm 59:17, John 3:16, John 16:27, Colossians 3:12, and 1 Thessalonians 1:4.)

Everyone has value and beauty. In fact, they have it all over the place. It's up to you whether or not you choose to see it. Your choice.

Discussion Stuff

1. What are three things that you struggle with that distort your view of yourself?

2. What are five things that other people say are great about you? Seriously ... they are there ... think about it.

3. Are there any "weird" things about you (circumstances, habits, looks, quirks, personality traits) that could actually be viewed as strengths?

4. What are five things about girls that are necessary for the world that guys are typically not able to do as well?

5. Which of your traits do you wish were more appreciated by your friends? By guys?

6. What things about yourself make you feel awkward? Do you think that affects the way other people see you?

7. What three traits do you think guys your age value the most in girls? Are these truly the most valuable things? Do you think this will change in the next five years? If so, how?

8. Think of your favorite people. What are the qualities you love about them? How do these qualities affect your view of them?

Chapter Three

She said, 'Hi, Kristi. Good to see ya.' But I don't like the way she said it, 'cause I don't think she actually meant it, ya know? The sound of her voice was the same way that Julie talks in class, and Julie said I was getting fat last month behind my back to Josh, who likes me. And I know she did. Besides, who is she to be saying that in the first place? Plus she never shuts up, and she's always talking about herself and sticking her chest out and flirting with people, including my boyfriend, Mark. And don't even get me started about Mark, because what's his deal anyway? I could smack him for acting like he totally doesn't know she is trying to flirt with him, 'cause you know he does. I saw him laughing when she was talking to him in the hallway, and it made me mad because she was wearing the same skirt I had just bought. And he said something about it to her, and he never even noticed it when I wore it."

Over 99.9 percent of guys respond to that with: "What?"

Waffles and Noodles

Some guys were over at my place one night, and there was lots of yelling: "Hit him! Beat him! Make him bleed!"

(Continues...)

---

Excerpted from THE TRUTH about GUYS by CHAD EASTHAM Copyright © 2012 by Chad Eastham. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

---