A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father

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Overview

Nominated for the 2009 Audiobook of the Year

“As a little boy, I had a dream that my father had taken me to the woods where there was a dead body. He buried it and told me I must never tell. It was the only thing we’d ever done together as father and son, and I promised not to tell. But unlike most dreams, the memory of this one never left me. And sometimes…I wasn’t altogether sure about one thing: was it just a dream?”

When Augusten Burroughs was small, his father was a shadowy presence in his life: a form on the stairs, a cough from the basement, a silent figure smoking a cigarette in the dark. As Augusten grew older, something sinister within his father began to unfurl. Something dark and secretive that could not be named.

Betrayal after shocking betrayal ensued, and Augusten’s childhood was over. The kind of father he wanted didn’t exist for him. This father was distant, aloof, uninterested…

And then the “games” began.

With A Wolf at the Table, Augusten Burroughs makes a quantum leap into untapped emotional terrain: the radical pendulum swing between love and hate, the unspeakably terrifying relationship between father and son. Told with scorching honesty and penetrating insight, it is a story for anyone who has ever longed for unconditional love from a parent. Though harrowing and brutal, A Wolf at the Table will ultimately leave you buoyed with the profound joy of simply being alive. It’s a memoir of stunning psychological cruelty and the redemptive power of hope.

Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble

"As a little boy, I had a dream that my father had taken me to the woods where there was a dead body. He buried it and told me I must never tell. It was the only thing we'd ever done together as father and son, and I promised not to tell. But unlike most dreams, the memory of the one never left me. And sometimes I was altogether sure about one thing: Was it just a dream? In an interview, author Augusten Burroughs described this memoir as "a devastating, terrifying story… I had to write it for me." On his website, he described A Wolf at the Table as the book that reveals why the author of Running with Scissors was running. Scary; jolting; unforgettable.

Monica Holloway

Burroughs retains his capacity to move the reader: There is gorgeous writing on every page…[he] is to be commended for addressing this painful material head-on and with such sobriety…
—The Washington Post

More Reviews (2) Fewer Reviews

Publishers Weekly

A searing, emotional portrait of a son who wants nothing more than the love his father will not grant him, Burroughs's latest memoir (after 2004's Dry) is indeed powerful. Absent is the wry humor of Running with Scissorsand the absurd poignancy of Burroughs's years living with his mother's Svengali-like psychiatrist. Instead, Burroughs focuses on the years he lived both in awe and fear of his philosophy professor father in Amherst, Mass. Despite frequent trips with his mother to escape his father's alcoholic rages, Burroughs was determined to win his father's affection, secretly touching the man's wallet and cigarettes and even going so far as to make a surrogate dad with pillows and discarded clothing. Only after his father's neglect-or cruelty-leads to the death of Burroughs's beloved guinea pig during one of the family's many separations does the son turn against the father. Avoiding self-pity, Burroughs paints his father with unwavering honesty, forcing the reader to confront, as he did, a man who even on his deathbed, refused his son a hint of affection. His father missed so much, Burroughs muses, not knowing his son. Luckily, Burroughs does not deny the reader such an enormous pleasure. (Apr.)

Kirkus Reviews

Memoir about the bestselling autobiographer's father manages flashes of insight but turns into yet another baroque chronicle of Burroughs's damaged childhood (Possible Side Effects, 2006, etc.). In a dramatic early scene, his father explodes: " ‘Goddamn you,' he spit in my face. ‘Just this barrage of incessant talking on and on and on . . . you cannot simply dominate a room and the thoughts and attentions of every person in that room simply because you are in it.' " It's a completely disproportionate response to some routine toddler nagging, and the brutal spanking that accompanies it is a precursor of more abuse to come. Those familiar with Burroughs's particularly gothic familial mythos (previously focused on adolescence and early adulthood) will recognize his mother in her several manic, pill-popping appearances here. Instead of Svengali-like psychiatrists or his own self-destructive obsessions, the villain this time is the author's father, a philosophy professor and brooding drunk whose intellectual prowess only serves to further exacerbate his black moods and desire for solitude. Burroughs begins with some impressionistic early childhood memories, only getting around to any substantive consideration of his father some 80 pages into the text, when the boy becomes convinced that the man has killed his guinea pig. While Burroughs deftly builds a creepy portrait of a skulking, violence-prone predator, too often his subject is obscured by florid, overheated prose. After many pages of invective, not all of which seems warranted, the author finally demonstrates some perspective, writing, "All he was guilty of was not wanting me."A deeply felt personal essay padded to book length. Firstprinting of 500,000

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780312428273
Publisher: Picador
Publication date: 3/31/2009
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 105,197
Product dimensions: 5.40 (w) x 8.20 (h) x 0.90 (d)

Meet the Author

Augusten Burroughs

Augusten Burroughs is the New York Times bestselling author of Possible Side Effects, Magical Thinking, Dry, Running with Scissors, and Sellevision. His work has been published in more than twenty-five countries. He lives in New York City and Amherst, Massachusetts.

Biography

Although Augusten Burroughs achieved moderate success with his debut novel, Sellevision, it was his 2002 memoir, Running with Scissors, that catapulted him into the literary stratosphere. Indeed, few writers have spun a bizarre childhood and eccentric personal life into literary gold with as much wit and panache as Burroughs, whose harrowing accounts of dysfunction and addiction are offset by an acerbic humor readers and critics find irresistible.

Born Christopher Robison (he changed his name when he turned 18), Burroughs is the son of an alcoholic father who abandoned his family and a manic-depressive mother who fancied herself a poet in the style of Anne Sexton. At age 12, he was farmed out to his mother's psychiatrist, a deeply disturbed -- and disturbing -- man whose medical license was ultimately revoked for gross misconduct. In Running with Scissors, Burroughs recounts his life with the pseudonymous Finch family as an experience tantamount to being raised by wolves. The characters he describes are unforgettable: children of assorted ages running wild through a filthy, dilapidated Victorian house, totally unfettered by rules or inhibitions; a variety of deranged patients who take up residence with the Finches seemingly at will; and a 33-year-old pedophile who lives in the backyard shed and initiates an intense, openly homosexual relationship with the 13-year-old Burroughs right under the doctor's nose.

That he is able to wring humor and insight out of this shocking scenario is testimony to Burroughs's writing skill. Upon its publication in 2002, Scissors was hailed as "mordantly funny" (Los Angeles Times), "hilarious" (San Francisco Chronicle), and "sociologically suggestive and psychologically astute" (The New York Times). The book became a #1 bestseller and was turned into a 2006 movie starring Annette Bening, Alec Baldwin, and Joseph Fienes.

[Although the doctor who "raised" Burroughs was never named in the memoir, six members of the real-life family sued the author and his publisher for defamation, claiming that whole portions of the book were fabricated. Burroughs insisted that the book was entirely accurate but agreed in the 2007 settlement to change the wording of the author's note and acknowledgement in future editions of the book. He was never required to change a single word of the memoir itself.]

Since Running with Scissors, Burroughs has mined snippets of his life for more bestsellers, including further installments of his memoir (Dry, A Wolf at the Table) and several well-received collections of razor-sharp essays. His writing continues to appear in newspapers and magazines around the world, and he is a regular contributor to National Public Radio's Morning Edition.

Good To Know

Some fun and fascinating outtakes from our interview with Burroughs:

"When I was very young, maybe six or seven, I used to make little books out of construction paper and wallpaper. Then I'd sew the spine of the book with a needle and thread. Only after I had the actual book did I sit down with a pencil and write the text. I actually still have one of these little books and it's titled, obliquely, Little Book."

"Well, all of a sudden I am obsessed with PMC. For those of you who think I am speaking about plastic plumbing fixtures, I am not. PMC stands for Precious Metal Clay. And it works just like clay clay. You can shape it into anything you want. But after you fire it, you have something made of solid 22k gold or silver. So you want to be very careful. Anyway, I plan to make dog tags. So there's something."

"I'm a huge fan of English shortbread cookies, of anything English really. I very nearly worship David Strathairn. And I'm afraid that if I ever return to Sydney, Australia, I may not return."

"I will never refuse potato chips or buttered popcorn cooked in one of those thingamajigs you crank on top of the stove."

"And my politics could be considered extreme, as I truly believe that people who molest or otherwise abuse children should be buried in pits. And I do believe our country has been served by white male presidents quite enough for the next few hundred years. I really could go on and on here, so I'd best stop."

1. Also Known As:
  
  Augusten X. Burroughs
2. Hometown:
  
  New York, New York and western Massachusetts
1. Date of Birth:
  
  October 23, 1965
2. Place of Birth:
  
  Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
1. Education:
  
  No formal education beyond elementary school
2. Website:
  
  http://www.augusten.com

Read an Excerpt

A Wolf at the Table A Memoir of My Father
By Burroughs, Augusten
St. Martin's Press Copyright © 2008 Burroughs, Augusten
All right reserved.
ISBN: 9780312342029

Chapter 1

Sitting in my high chair, I held a saltine cracker up to my eye and peered through one of the tiny holes, astonished that I could see so much through such a small opening. Everything on the other side of the kitchen seemed nearer when viewed through this little window.

The cracker was huge, larger than my hand. And through this pinprick hole I could see the world.

I brought the cracker to my lips, nibbled off the corners, and mashed the rest into a dry, salty dust. I clapped, enchanted.

The hem of my mother’s skirt. A wicker lantern that hangs from the ceiling, painting the walls with sliding, breathing shadows. A wooden spoon and the hollow knock as it strikes the interior of a simmering pot. My high chair’s cool metal tray and the backs of my legs stuck to the seat. My mother twisting the telephone cord around her fingers, my mouth on the cord, the deeply satisfying sensation of biting the tight, springy loops.

I was one and a half years old.

These fragments are all that remain of my early childhood. There are no words, just sounds: my mother’s breathy humming in my ear, her voice the most familiar thing to me, more known than my own hand. My hand still surprises me at all times; the lines and creases, the way the webbing between my fingers glows red if I hold up my hand to block the sun. My mother’svoice is my home and when I am surrounded by her sounds, I sleep.

The thickly slippery feel of my bottle’s rubber nipple inside my mouth. The shocking, sudden emptiness that fills me when it’s pulled away.

My first whole memory is this: I am on the floor. I am in a room. High above me is my crib, my homebox, my goodcage, but it’s up, up, up. High in the air, resting upon stilts. There is a door with a knob like a faceted glass jewel. I have never touched it but I reach for it every time I am lifted.

Above my head is a fist of brightness that stings my eyes. The brightness hangs from a black line.

I am wet-faced and shrieking. I am alone in the awake-pit with the terrible bright above my head. I need: my mother, my silky yellow blanket, to be lifted, to be placed back in my box. I am crying but my mother doesn’t come to pick me up and this makes me mad and afraid and mad again, so I cry harder.

On the other side of the door, he is laughing. He is my brother. He’s like me but he’s not me. We’re linked somehow and he’s home but he’s not home, like my mother and her voice.

Opposite this door against the wall, there is a dresser with drawers that my mother can open but I cannot, no matter how hard I pull. The scent of baby powder and Desitin stains the air near the dresser. These smells make me want to pee. I don’t want to be wet so I stand far away from the dresser.

This is my first whole memory—locked alone in my room with my brother on the other side of the door, laughing.

There is another memory, later. I am in the basement sitting on a mountain of clothing. The washer and dryer are living pets; friendly with rumbling bellies. My mother feeds them clothing. She is lifting away pieces of my mountain, placing them into the mouth of the washer. Gradually, my mountain becomes smaller until I can feel the cool of the cellar floor beneath me.

A form on the wooden stairs. The steps themselves smell sweet and I like to lick them but they are coarse and salty; they don’t taste as they smell and this always puzzles me and I lick again, to make sure. The thing on the stairs has no face, no voice. It descends, passes before me. I am silent, curious. I don’t know what it is but it lives here, too. It is like a shadow, but thick, somehow important. Sometimes it makes a loud noise and I cover my ears. And sometimes it goes away.

“Did my father live with us at the farmhouse in Hadley?”

I was in my twenties when I called my mother and asked this question. The farmhouse—white clapboard with black shutters and a slate roof—sat in a brief grassy pasture at the foot of a low mountain range. I could remember looking at it from the car, reaching my fingers out the window to pluck it from the field because it appeared so tiny. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t grab it, because it was just right there.

“Well, of course your father lived with us at the farmhouse. He was teaching at the university. Why would you ask that?”

“Because I can remember you, and I can remember my brother. And I can remember crawling around under the bushes at the red house next door.”

“You remember Mrs. Barstow’s bushes?” my mother asked in surprise. “But you weren’t even two years old.”

“I can remember. And the way the bushes felt, how they were very sharp. And there was a little path behind them, against the house. I could crawl under the branches and the dirt was so firm, it was like a floor.”

“I’m amazed that you can remember that far back,” she said. “Though, I myself can also remember certain things from when I was very little. Sometimes, I just stare at the wall and I’ll see Daddy strolling through his pecan orchard before he had to sell it. The way he would crack a nut in his bare hands, then toss those shells over his shoulder and wink like he was Cary Grant.”

“So he was there?” I pressed her.

“Was who where?” she said, distracted now. And I could picture her sitting at her small kitchen table, eyes trained on the river and the bridge above it that were just outside her window, the phone all but forgotten in her hand, the mouthpiece drifting away from her lips. “Yes, he was there.” And then her voice was clear and bright, as though she’d blinked and realized she was speaking on the phone. “So, you don’t remember your father there at all?”

“Just . . . no, not really. Just a little bit of something on the stairs leading to the basement with the washer and dryer and then this vague sense of him that kind of permeated everything.”

“Well, he was there,” she assured me.

I tried to recall something of him from that time; his face, his hands, his memorable flesh. But there was nothing. Trying to remember was like plowing snow, packing it into a bank. Dense whiteness.

I could remember the pasture in front of the house and standing among rows of corn as tall as trees. I could remember the smell of the sun on my arms and squatting down to select pebbles from the driveway.

I could remember how it felt to rise and rise and rise, higher than I’d ever gone before as my trembling legs continued to unfold and suddenly, I was standing and this astounded me and I burst out laughing from the pure joy of it. Just as I threatened to fall on my face, my leg swung forward and landed, and so fast it seemed to happen automatically, my other leg swung forward and I did it again—my first step!—before tumbling forward onto my outstretched hands.

But I could remember nothing of my father.

Until years later, and then I could not forget him no matter how hard I tried.

Copyright © 2008 by Island Road, LLC. All rights reserved.

Continues...

Excerpted from A Wolf at the Table by Burroughs, Augusten Copyright © 2008 by Burroughs, Augusten. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Anonymous

Posted August 29, 2008

Emotional Abuse

A Wolf At The Table is the follow-up Memoir to Running with Scissors. A Wolf At The Table tells the story of another type of child abuse. It tells the story of emotional abuse and the effects of it on the adult child and is a great example why a parent should not stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of the children. A Wolf At The Table is a must read!

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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jmepitt

Posted January 18, 2010

more from this reviewer

I Also Recommend:

A Long Path To Nowhere

I did not care for this book very much. I thought Running With Scissors was much better in terms of writing and overall entertainment.
This story sort of rambled on through the rather terrible childhood of the author. At the end of it all, I felt pretty depressed and confused about the overall message of the work... if there was one.
It took me quite some time to get through this book, as it did not read comfortably. Looking back, the story was rather repetitive and anticlimactic.
It's hard to write a negative review considering the author is relating the very personal tale of his unfortunate childhood... but I just didn't care for it.

4 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Mannadonn

Posted November 19, 2008

more from this reviewer

Haunting and completely engaging

I decided to read this book because I was pulled in by Running with Scissors by this author. I cannot say that I loved the other book but I could not put it down. I considered it to be like a train wreck. You know you should stop looking but you just can¿t help yourself. So, here I am again¿becoming completely engaged with Augusten and his life.

Whereas Running with Scissors was like a train wreck, this book pulls at your heartstrings. This book is written with the innocence of childhood. Full of complete love and adoration for a man who refuses even the slightest glance for his poor son who only wanted to be held. Augusten would fight ¿the arms¿ and try to get past them to get to his father. He would ask questions and do everything he could for his father. His father however, refused to reciprocate this love. The most Augusten ever received from his father was an automatic ¿very much I love you too¿ at bedtime.

Though childhood innocence can protect a boy from many hurts in life, this innocence does not last forever. Unfortunately, Augusten learned too soon that something was wrong or ¿missing¿ from his father. Innocence was replaced by fear, fear replaced by terror, and terror replaced by desperation. All he ever wanted was love, compassion, approval.

Though Augusten¿s father had his own share of childhood pain and torture, the cycle must be broken at some point. This man was not strong enough to do so. The ¿games¿ repeat themselves and become more sadistic.

Finishing this book I could not help but stare at the picture of Augusten Burroughs on the back cover. His eyes seemed to pierce through me and I marveled at how this man, who survived so much, could have made something so wonderful of himself. There is something in this man that helped him survive. Could it have truly been a half loaf of bread, five slices of bologna, and a can of fruit punch that pushed him to make something of himself? Was it the love he lifted from a complete stranger that was the catalyst? Either way, Augusten Burroughs has a way with words. He pulls you in and forces you to run, terrified, through the woods with him. His sadness for the ¿outside¿ dog transcends the pages and becomes your sadness. His fears of becoming his father become your fears. This is a man who grabs hold of your spirit, emotions, your soul and he refuses to let you go. You are with him and he is with you¿always.

4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted August 19, 2008

Excellent - but don't expect the usual Burroughs

Having read all of Augusten Burroughs' books, I was hesitant to read 'Wolf at the Table' after I saw some of the negative reviews. But I stand corrected. I think readers who didn't like this book were expecting more 'Scissors' and funny-disturbing stuff, and 'Wolf at the Table' is simply disturbing - and heart-felt at once. I loved this book. He is stunningly honest, and his detailing of events through the lens of his child self is poignant and gripping. It really makes you realize the importance of being a good parent and how much influence, good and bad, you can have on your child.

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted March 31, 2010

absolutley amazing!

This book is absolutley flawless. It's the first Burroughs book I've ever read and I cannot wait to read more. The ending (don't worry, I won't say exactly what happened) had me crying until 20 minutes after I had finished reading it.
The imagery in the book is amazing; it's as if I was actually there with him, experiencing everything.
Overall, this book was fantastic and I suggest everyone should read it.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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EB23

Posted December 27, 2009

Good Read

Whether these events truly happened or not (and I don't have any reason to doubt it), Burroughs writes in his raw, smack-slap, way. More believable than Running with Scissors. Burroughs does not strike me as a likeable fellow but I can relate with his pathos.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Adaptoid

Posted October 27, 2011

Unnerving

A friend recommended this book before I was familiar with Burroughs' other work. While I truly enjoy his stories, vaguely similar to David Sedaris, I would rarely consider placing one in my 'favorites' category. This memoir, however, is brilliant and disturbing on a level I find difficult to describe. I can think of very few books I've read that truly alter my emotions in such a horrible way. Don't get me wrong, this is the goal of any great horror story, but this one is set in actual events. I highly recommend, along with 'Running with Scissors.'

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Larry99

Posted March 1, 2010

I Also Recommend:

Where are the jokes?

Well, they sure aren't here.

In his latest memoir, Burroughs shows us what it was like to have a father in his life who was not a father.

Sad, thought provoking, touching.

And not many jokes.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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crowCC

Posted August 16, 2009

So very sad

I almost stopped reading your book, I wish that I could have raised you. I am 48 years old,and your story touched my heart. I only wish I could take away your pain. Your parents were so messed up. As a mother I would have held you as much as you needed. As for your father... crazy bastard, Good luck to you, much love, Connie.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted May 23, 2009

Possibly the best yet!

I really enjoy Burroughs writing, but this has been one of my favorite by far. He's younger in this book than the others that I've read and as usual, it's touching, frightening and still he finds a way to make you laugh.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Dripping_Quill

Posted March 9, 2009

I Also Recommend:

A Wolf At the Table is heartbreaking.

A Wolf At the Table is an autobiography written by Augusten Burroughs. Burroughs writes about his experiences with his father that chill the reader to the bone. I felt like I was running away from an unseen stranger throughout the entire novel. I give it five stars, because most books cannot achieve to be real, terrifying, and heartbreaking at the same time.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted May 2, 2008

Disappointing

This book wasn't at all good as what I was lead to believe. Was not written all that well and therefore hard to read at times. Felt like more of a chore to read than a choice.

1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted June 11, 2008

Another gem from Augusten!

I am a huge fan and loved the book - read it in just a few hours. After reading the book it's clear why the author struggled with drugs & alchohol in his personal life. I'm sure this was a very difficult book for him to write and I know it took a lot of courage. Now I hope he's FREE. And I thought MY family was dysfunctional!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted December 22, 2011

A Wolf at the Table

Very good book - very suspenseful - kept me on the edge of my seat.
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Ana_L_S

Posted July 10, 2011

Memorable

Not too great, but memorable, easy read.
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8874451

Posted April 19, 2011

Good read

entertaining!
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SkepticalOptimist

Posted March 16, 2011

more from this reviewer

Page Turner!!

In true Augusten Burroughs fashion, the story was captivating despite the difficult content and subject matter.
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Anonymous

Posted January 8, 2011

Another Side of Burroughs

A Wolf at the Table is one of Burroughs's most recent works and it was a nice change of pace after having previously read Dry, another book of his. While Dry is completely different from Burroughs's debut, Running with Scissors, A Wolf at the Table is rather similar in that it is about Burroughs's childhood, which really is the time of his life that is most interesting to read about. This time, however, Burroughs doesn't chronicle his childhood in the comical way that he had done in .Scissors. Instead, he gets in touch with his serious side and tells of his father's unpleasantness. It was kind of refreshing to read this memoir because not only did Burroughs show another side of himself, but also, a lot of the vulgarity found in his previous two memoirs that I read is lacking. In this book, Burroughs shows his wide range as a writer. Four stars.
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AngelaF

Posted November 25, 2010

Don't pass this book up!

For fans of Burroughs this is a must read! 'A Wolf at the Table' gave me a complete different perspective on his best seller 'Running with Scissors' His chilling tale left me with goosebumps. Though darker then his prior writing, he still leaves you satisfied.
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Kimberly_Book_Addict

Posted November 21, 2010

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Brutaly Honest and Heartbreaking

A Wolf at the Table, written by Augusten Burroughs is his fifth memoir. His previous memoirs include Running with Scissors, Dry, Magical Thinking, and Possible Side Effects. Each book tells of different periods of his life with A Wolf at the Table focusing on his early childhood living with his depressed mother and homicidal father.

A Wolf at the Table is a memoir solely dedicated to informing the reader of what Augusten's father was like through the eyes of a 7-8 year old Augusten. Augusten's father was a university professor by day and brutal drunk by night. His mother's therapist often said that he was homicidal and the stories in the book shed light on the possibility that he really was.

Augusten is seriously the most fascinating author I've ever read about. If you've never read any of his memoirs I highly suggest you do. A Wolf at the Table tells a deeply sad and hurtful part of his childhood and unlike his other books there is no humor in it. The book is told with brutal honesty and is one of the reasons I liked it so much. He's unafraid to speak about the events most families would keep hidden in the closet.

I do not recommend this book for the faint of heart. The book tells of emotional abuse, attempted murder, and animal cruelty. Those who can look beyond that (which believe me it's hard to do) can read an amazing memoir that tells of strength, perseverance, and above all hope.

If you would rather not read this due to the heavy subject matter, then I highly recommend you read his other memoirs. He uses a satirical tone in discussing his adolescence, as he knows that he grew up under extremely strange circumstances. Running with Scissors focuses on his teen years, Dry focuses on his 20's when he became an alcoholic, and Magical Thinking and Possible Side Effects are short story compilations that discuss various periods of his life.

Kimberly (Reflections of a Book Addict)
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A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father

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