5 Steamy Valentine’s Books for Your Love (or Yourself)

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach
Have you ever wondered how penile implants work? How Danish pig farmers prepare their sows for artificial insemination? How Napoleon’s daughter really felt about her lady parts? Well, Mary Roach has a wonderful way of reminding you what a complete weirdo-nerd you really are! Indulge your inner sex researcher and (bonus) learn to freely bandy about the term “vas deferens” at cocktail parties with this bookshelf staple.
This book is best for: Your psych major/med student partner; a break from solo nights on the couch watching Law & Order SVU.
May not be suitable for: A first date gift (dear sweet heavens, no).

One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Gabriel García Márquez
Need to impress your lovahhh with your highbrow, culturally informed taste? Or are you single on V-day and wishing fervently that you could spirit yourself away to a verdant jungle of longing, passion, magical realism, and ridiculously good-looking people? Then look no further than Márquez. Sure, you could read Love in the Time of Cholera, but you’re too cool for the obvious choice. Also, you’ll want to own One Hundred Years of Solitude in hardcover, because you are classy, goshdarnit, and because it will look fan-bloody-tastic on your coffee table.
This book is perfect if you are: Dating a romantic dreamer; trying to get ladies to talk to you whilst reading alone at Starbucks.
Not so hot if you are: Already in a sad place (spoiler alert: lots of people die).

The Story of O, by Pauline Réage
If you or your significant other is a Fifty Shades of Grey fan, you simply must check out its vintage forerunner, The Story of O. This midcentury erotica classic narrates a tale of dominance and submission that is not for the faint of heart. It’s so racy that, at the time of its printing in 1954 France, the author was brought up on obscenity charges. Ooh, la la.
You and your love will enjoy this read if you are: Avid James Deen fans and/or kinky, free-thinking libertines who wear lots of vintage.
This book is not a good choice for: The straitlaced, your mom, people who hate the French.

Blood, Bones and Butter, by Gabrielle Hamilton
If you’re attached, do you love a foodie? If you’re single, do you enjoy sublimating your atrophied libido with pork belly and truffled risotto? Would you slap your own mother for a chance to eat your way through Tuscany? If you answered yes to any of these, have I got the book for you. Gabrielle Hamilton paints the story of her journey through life, love, and chef-hood with unflinching honesty, wicked humor, and heartbreaking passion. Her sensual descriptions of her craft are enough to make a food lover weep.
This book is tops if you are: dating a person who is currently Googling, “Where can I get a candied bacon ice cream sundae at this time of night?”
It is not recommended for: Those “eat to live” people (Shiver. They’re out there, you know).

Love Poems, by Pablo Neruda
All right, I’m not going to mince words: this book is the crown jewel of love-and-sexy-times tomes. Much like skydiving or triple fudge ice cream, Love Poems is both ecstasy-inducing and dangerous. I kid you not, it has the power to make the object of your affection fall hopelessly in love with you. Ergo, you might consider sending this book with flowers to your love’s office before kicking back and waiting for the sparks to fly and the texts of undying affection to come rolling in. On second thought, just drive it over there yourself so your crush doesn’t have to accidentally shove a grandmother into traffic trying to get to you faster.
This book is recommended for: the coup de grâce in a years-long seduction of your one true love; a rekindling of sparks between you and your soulmate; the best two hours of your life if you are single and a masochist.
It is strictly off-limits for: Taye Diggs lookalikes who are playin’ ladies like violins; single people who would rather not be driven to drink.
What books do you enjoy slipping into on Valentine’s Day?