7 Sci-Fi & Fantasy Road Trips You Definitely Don’t Want to Join

The Brotherhood of the Wheel, by R.S. Belcher
Belcher’s apocalyptic horror show borrows from urban myth and ancient folklore to create a portrait of America’s roadways every bit as dark and mysterious as a two-lane blacktop at 3 A.M. The book describes several road trips gone wrong, including one in which four young adults suffer a breakdown outside a town ruled by a terrifying abomination and his backwoods henchmen, another in which a middle-class family wanders into a diner full of serial murderers (who are all cartoonishly obvious about it if we’re being honest, right down to the dishes named after famous killers), and one featuring phantom hitch-hikers with apocalyptic messages. But in spite of all of that, there’s the Brotherhood, a group of the Knights Templar-turned-big rig drivers, dedicated to keeping people safe—and the supernatural contained. Just hope the they get there before the worst happens—America offers a lot of road to cover, after all.

The Suicide Motor Club, by Christopher Buehlman
A group of vampires in sleek classic cars prowl the roadways for fun in Buehlman’s tale of revenge and trauma. The Suicide Motor Club hunts for prey to join in their twisted game of highway bumper cars. But when they have a chance encounter with Judith’s family that leaves her seriously injured, her husband dead, and her son kidnapped, the Club and Judith are set on a collision course, one neither party may survive. Buehlman’s depiction of the roadways in the mid-to-late ’60s presents a landscape that was treacherous enough before the roving band of hedonistic bloodsuckers showed up. If you’re just setting out, your best hope is to either be ready for the Club, or to trust they’ve already had all their fun for the evening.

Zanesville, by Kris Saknussemm
In the future, the United States has been devastated by an earthquake nicknamed Bigfoot and turned into a gigantic haggis-hawking theme park by the machinations of a religion, governing body, and corporation-in-one known as Vitessa. Into this brightly colored funhouse dystopia steps Elijah Clearfather, a man with a hypnotic gift, strange scars, and the interests of both Vitessa and a mysterious deity that communicates through Burma Shave-style billboards. Clearfather is sent on a mission that sees him crossing the country by bus, car, and, at one point, airship in his attempt to find out who he is and what everyone wants with him. While Clearfather’s trip is interesting, it’s beyond dangerous, as Vitessa’s America features barbershop-singing, acid-spitting secret police, murderous amputee cycle gangs, orbital cannons that lock on to DNA, and hamster balls of doom. In spite of all of that, if you survive a cross-country trip here, it’ll probably be more fun than that ‘shroom experience in the Mojave your friend won’t shut up about.

NOS4A2, by Joe Hill
Possibly one of the most brutal, disturbing deconstructions of coming-of-age horror ever written is also one of the creepiest road trips in all of fiction. NOS4A2 takes its readers on a journey, by classic car and motorcycle, along the secret psychic roadways of America to a Neverland full of happy, singing children who never have to grow up—and never get to leave. Christmasland is resided over by an undead serial murderer armed with a bone hammer and a car that erodes all empathy, replacing it with body horror.  Opposing him is a motorcycle-riding children’s book illustrator with the power to open a doorway to anywhere, provided she rides over a specific bridge on a bike. I will admit, the idea of psychic highways makes this one at least a little cool, until you realize they all lead to places like a (possibly) perpetually burning treehouse and that circus the clown from It keeps talking about. On the plus side, both of those would be excellent photo ops.

Going Bovine, by Libba Bray
A broken-down car driven by a manic angel, a hypochondriac dwarf, and a narrator with mad cow disease is only the beginning of the trip in Libba Bray’s satire of YA tropes and Don Quixote. There’s also a Norse god lawn gnome forced to travel around the world and take pictures, a wizard with an aesthetic similar to Darth Vader, cows raining from the sky, quantum rock bands, and the possibility of reality itself breaking down. Or, it’s all in the narrator’s head, but that’s never as much fun as imagining it all actually happening. As an added bonus, Going Bovine features the only depiction of the “It’s A Small World” ride envisioned as a glimpse of another plane of existence—as opposed to the vision of Hell it normally is. While this article is ostensibly about the most dangerous road trips in fantasy and sci-fi, your companion on this journey will at least make it a little more bearable, even if the trip—and the destination—are incredibly whacked-out.

Devil and the Bluebird, by Jennifer Mason-Black
Most of the trips on this list are more figurative Hell than literal Hell. Let’s change that right now: at 17, Blue’s sister made a deal with the devil at the crossroads in Maine. Years later, Blue heads to the crossroads herself to make a similar deal to get her sister back. In exchange for her voice, Blue gets six days to find her sister, or the devil gets her soul as well. Armed with her mother’s guitar, a bag full of memories, and her magical hiking boots, Blue sets out in the vague direction “west” in the hopes of locating her sister at last. Along the way, she has to contend with the devil in a variety of guises, constant rule changes to her deal, and the unusual characters she meets along the way, including a band wrestling with their own Satanic deal, criminals, hitchhikers, and numerous others. Hitchhiking can be sort of dangerous, but even more so when the devil is taking an active interest in your journey.

The Kill Society, by Richard Kadrey
Perhaps better described as a “crusade of the damned” than a road trip, The Kill  Society follows Stark, Kadrey’s tough-talking supernatural problem solver, as he joins up with a group of homicidal maniacs from the outer wastes of perdition. The ride takes them through towns full of two-bit casinos filled with people dressed in the castoffs of the living world, and through abandoned service stations and petrified convenience stores as they search for a weapon that could bring both Heaven and Hell to heel. The eerie abandoned atmosphere contrasted with the towns full of strange locals will be familiar to anyone who’s ever made one too many pit-stops in the Southwest, while the desolate atmosphere and constant philosophical asides make the novel seem like a road-trip in and of itself.
Any SFF road trips that aren’t a total nightmare?