Five Tips for Coping with Unexpected Change: An Exclusive Guest Post from Alessandra Olanow, Author of I Used to Have a Plan

Spot-on in tone with a message we can all relate to right now, I Used to Have a Plan is a balm for the soul. Take a journey with Alessandra Olanow as she works through her life’s ups and downs with witty illustrations and sound (as well as humorous) advice. Here, Alessandra offers us 5 helpful tips for dealing with unexpected change and ways we can all be a little kinder to ourselves in the process.  
 
Accept where you are: be honest about what’s happening.
I remember after my marriage fell apart, I was walking around my neighborhood asking myself, “where did things go so wrong?” And when I honestly sat with this question, I realized that in reality, nothing was really wrong — life was just unfolding in a different way than I had planned. Yes, the change was extremely painful, but I chose to shift and see it as an opportunity to accept where life had taken me and find some inner strength to grow.

Lean on your support system (even if it’s small).
Reaching out to friends, family, or a neighbor who you can depend on helps keep up connection, support and stability. This is crucial when I’m spiraling because unexpected change can emphasize loneliness and isolation. And remember, sometimes you have to tell people what’s going on… if we don’t tell people what’s going on, how will they know?

Observe your feelings without judgment. Remember they are often temporary.
This process can be really difficult, and it does not come naturally for me. Our minds love to judge and assess everything, put labels on feelings as good or bad. I find that allowing thoughts to simply “be” and not hold onto them can be healing.

Before you can hold space for others you have to practice holding space for yourself.
In the midst of change, treat yourself with care and compassion. For me prioritizing myself is as simple as taking five minutes to sit still in my room so I can check in with the needs of my mind and body. But perhaps it could look like putting some boundaries on your time, going for a walk, or even just saying “no” to things so you can make some space for yourself.

Be gentle with your heart. Healing is a process that takes time.
Give yourself permission to not have to be a perfect human, but rather to be the best that you are capable of right now. It’s ok to not have it all figured out when things fall apart. There is no need to rush. Give yourself a chance to heal and process, know that you are worthy of that.