Rating the Best (and Worst) Pets in Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Choosing a pet is one of life’s most critical decisions. Dog? Cat? Bird? Horse? Teacup pig? Books have been written on the subject. In fact, a highly anticipated one drops this week: Dr. Seuss’s long-lost, just-found What Pet Should I Get?. 
Being guided through this life-changing decision by the master of whimsy seems like a wise move. In honor of this delightfully weird occasion, we’ve been poking around the Barnes & Noble Science Fiction and Fantasy Rescue facilities and come up with a list of adoptable, fantastical options—some a better decision than others.
Tribbles (Star Trek)
Description: Amorous, amorphous fur balls that blanket the world with their own virulent fertility.
Pros: Tribbles have a tranquilizing effect on the human nervous system, not only via their physical being, but also by their reliability as a Klingon detector/attacker.
Cons: They’re like potato chips: you can’t just have one, because they multiply almost instantaneously. Unless you’re in the market to be smothered by a cooing pile of hairballs, I’d look elsewhere.

Gaspode (The Discworld series)
Description: A physically diseased, spiritually conflicted terrier with the intelligence of a human and the ability to speak, if not exactly to be heard.
Pros: “Talking Dog” is always a good shtick, as evidenced by his experience working in the film industry in Moving Pictures. Part Dickensian urchin, Gaspode has street smarts and a heart of gold under a crusty exterior.
Cons: Sure, he has the keen intelligence of a hardened street dog, but also the odors and ailments of one. Licky End is supposed to be contracted solely by pregnant sheep, but Gaspode managed to get a hold of it.

Gizmo (Gremlins)
Description: The live-action Furby you always wanted, but rightly feared.
Pros: Nearly the only one of his species who isn’t evil, Gizmo has both good-naturedness and absolute adorability in his corner. He’s also an extremely adept tinkerer, able to work technology and fashion weapons out of common office supplies—if that’s something you’re looking for.
Cons: Where would you like to start? Should Gizmo get hit with a splash of water, he’ll multiply, and most likely the replicates don’t share his amiability. Second, should his willpower fail and he eats after midnight, he turns into a ravenous gremlin dead-set on your destruction.

Direwolf (A Song of Ice and Fire series)
Description: The hulked-up wolves that stalk the northern climes of Westeros.
Pros: All the loyalty of your family dog, now with 300 times the killing power. A direwolf at your side adds a certain cachet to your endeavors, mostly because everyone is worried it will rip their throats out (it will). Once they’ve torn your enemy’s arm from his socket, direwolves also make excellent snugglers.
Cons: Again, all the loyalty of your family dog, now with 300 times the killing power. This probably will not go over well with the homeowner’s association.

Bubastis (Watchmen)
Description: A genetically engineered red-and-black lynx.
Pros: By sheer appearance, Bubastis would likely sell for millions on the Pokemon market. She’s also exceedingly loyal, and doesn’t mind curling up next to you on alone-in-your-pajamas TV nights.
Cons: Perhaps blinded by loyalty, Bubastis lacks a keen sense of imminent danger from those she loves. So don’t you take advantage of her just for the sake of your enemy’s demise, you monster.

Lord Nibbler (Futurama)
Description: An ancient alien who has existed since before the dawn of time. In practical terms, a three-eyed penguin in a cape and a diaper.
Pros: Deceptively cute, Nibbler also possesses the wisdom of his age, a concern for the greater good, and the ability to speak authoritative English.
Cons: He is capable of eating absolutely anything or anyone, so good luck.

Sir Didymus (Labyrinth)
Description: A fox, or a terrier (but not a fox terrier), with the demeanor of one of Arthur’s knights of the loony bin.
Pros: Can you say snappy dresser? Didymus is also bold, brave, and ready to defend your honor against anyone, David Bowie or otherwise.
Cons: Didymus is psychotically chivalrous and cannot be trusted to assess the true danger of any situation. He also couldn’t smell his way out of a Bog of Eternal Stench.

K-9 (Doctor Who)
Description: A robotic dog periodically given as a parting gift to companions of a mad man with a box.
Pros: K-9 offers the practical convenience of a laser in his nose, an encyclopedia for brains, and absolutely no organic waste. He is also easily rebuilt when he sacrifices himself or takes a permanent vacation to Gallifrey.
Cons: Cuddling is not a strong suit.

M.A.D. Cat (Inspector Gadget)
Description: The feline lackey for Dr. Claw.
Pros: Excellent at being petted villainously, M.A.D. Cat makes for a great reinforcement, willing to laugh, scowl, or display any emotion you need him to because you lack the human capability to express your own.
Cons: There’s no promising that a fat scheming creature who delights in malevolence is going to be a great fit for your home.

Hedwig (The Harry Potter series)
Description: A supremely intelligent Snowy Owl who fell in with a dangerous crowd.
Pros: Unlike, let’s say, Errol the molting feather duster, Hedwig is efficient at her main task: delivering Harry Potter’s correspondence. She understands Harry’s wishes (and needs) and proves to be a loyal companion.
Cons: Honestly, Hedwig has few downsides as a pet, besides occasional moodiness if she’s cooped up too long. But, really, that’s more than made up for when she flies to France to pick up your birthday presents.

Einstein (Back to the Future)
Description: Doc Brown’s sheepdog and the world’s first time traveler.
Pros: Could there be a more patient animal than the dog who serves as a continual test subject for his nutty professor?
Cons: Einie probably has a pretty intense superiority complex after paling around with crazy scientists and traveling through time in a DeLorean.

Zero (The Nightmare Before Christmas)
Description: The affectionate ghost dog of Halloween Town’s Pumpkin King.
Pros: Zero is cheerful and affectionate, making him the perfect skeleton’s best friend. He can also guide you through intense fog with his nose and leaves no organic waste.
Cons: He’s, well, you know, dead. If that’s going to be a problem for you.

Which SF/F pet would you get?