Happy Utopia Day, Joe McCarthy

Chris Thompson thought his youthful dreams of being a secret agent had long ago been put to rest. He has a wife and child, a stable job with the US Customs Department, and—aside from a minor incident involving outsourcing American apple pie production to Bangladesh—no real worries.

This all changes when Chris receives a phone call from the president of the United States, Oscar I. Wright, regarding a secret invasion of America from Canada and Mexico—an invasion somehow tied to the “Big Mac Pa...