101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom: Expert Advice From One Stepmom to Another

101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom: Expert Advice From One Stepmom to Another

by Laura Petherbridge

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Overview

Practical Ideas You Can Use Today

In this down-to-earth book, Laura Petherbridge offers real answers from someone who's walked in your shoes--and not only survived, but thrived as a stepmom. Here you'll find compact solutions arranged by topic, such as parenting, coping with the children's biological mom, finances, and dealing with the holidays.

You will learn
· how to better understand your blended family
· what to do when you feel like an outsider
· ways to navigate the drama
· keys to gaining the respect of your stepkids

These bite-sized tips are perfect for a busy stepmom, offering at-a-glance advice you can use today--and see change begin.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781441264169
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Publication date: 05/13/2014
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 160
Sales rank: 652,670
File size: 2 MB

About the Author

Laura Petherbridge (www.TheSmartStepmom.com) is an international speaker, author of When "I Do" Becomes "I Don't": Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce, and coauthor of The Smart Stepmom. She has been featured on FamilyLife Today, HomeWord, and the Crown Financial Ministries' radio broadcast. Laura is featured on the DivorceCare video series, used by over 12,000 churches worldwide, and has taught on divorce recovery at Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando. Laura and her husband, Steve, reside in Lady Lake, Florida.
Laura Petherbridge (www.TheSmartStepmom.com) is an international speaker, the author of When "I Do" Becomes "I Don't": Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce, and the coauthor of The Smart Stepmom. She has been interviewed on many media outlets including FamilyLife Today, Family Talk with James Dobson, Moody's Midday Connection, HomeWord, and the Crown Financial Ministries' radio broadcast. Laura is featured on the DivorceCare video series, used by over 12,000 churches worldwide. She has taught on divorce recovery at Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando as well as the Billy Graham Training Center. Laura and her husband, Steve, reside in Apollo Beach, Florida. Learn more at www.SisterhoodofStepmoms.com.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments 15

Introduction 17

Chapter 1 Why Is It So Complicated? 21

Tip #1 Accept That Stepfamilies Are Founded on Loss 22

Tip #2 Learn Why and Where the Pain Exists 22

Tip #3 Embrace What's Normal 23

Tip #4 Recognize That Each Child Is Different 23

Tip #5 What to Do When You Feel Outside the Circle 24

Tip #6 Encourage Your Hubby to Spend Time With His Kids 25

Tip #7 Help Your Hubby Heal 26

Tip #8 Understand That the Ex-Wife Is Here to Stay, Even if She's Gone 26

Tip #9 Discover How to Let Go 27

Tip #10 Release the Guilt 28

Tip #11 Keep an Eye on Your Own Child 29

Tip #12 Build a Bridge 30

Tip #13 Avoid the "D" Word 30

Tip #14 Create a Spa for the Soul 31

Chapter 2 When Your Hubby Is Stuck: Stepmom Frustration 33

Tip #15 Look at His Single-Parenting Days 34

Tip #16 Is Your Husband Parenting out of Fear or Guilt? 35

Tip #17 "What If It Were MY Child?" 36

Tip #18 Explore How Your Hubby Was Parented 36

Tip #19 Research How Children Cope With Loss 37

Tip #20 Encourage; Don't Emasculate 38

Tip #21 Set Healthy Boundaries 39

Tip #22 Learn What Hill to Die On 40

Tip #23 Communicate Productively 42

Tip #24 Help Your Hubby Articulate 42

Tip #25 Stop Stepping Into Your Husband's Role-Even if He Won't Step Up 43

Tip #26 Decide Whether You Want to Be Right-Or Married 44

Tip #27 Accept That the Church Might Not Be Equipped 45

Chapter 3 Will We Ever Get Along?-The Ex-Wife-in-Law 49

Tip #28 Reverse the Roles 50

Tip #29 Repeat After Me: "You Can't Control Her" 51

Tip #30 Acknowledge That She Is the Mom 52

Tip #31 Clarify Your Intentions 52

Tip #32 Communicate Clearly With Your Husband 53

Tip #33 Prepare for Difficult Situations or Lies 54

Tip #34 Pay What Was Promised 56

Tip #35 Don't Throw Gasoline on the Fire 57

Tip #36 Overcome Evil With Good 58

Tip #37 You Can't Fix Crazy 59

Tip #38 Learn That Hurt People, Hurt People 60

Tip #39 Provide Stability in the Home 61

Chapter 4 The Full-Time Stepmom-When Mom Is Missing 65

Tip #40 There Will Be Grief 66

Tip #41 Guard Your Heart 68

Tip #42 Don't Guard Your Heart 68

Tip #43 The Kids Want Dad 69

Tip #44 It's Not YOU! 69

Tip #45 Comfort the Broken Heart 70

Tip #46 Carve Out Couple Time 71

Tip #47 Pray 71

Chapter 5 Things I Wish My Stepmom Knew: A Different Perspective 73

Tip #48 "It Feels Like! Lost My Dad" 74

Tip #49 "I Like You" 75

Tip #50 "My Mom Hates You" 75

Tip #51 "I Don't Like Sharing My Dad With Your Kids/Grandkids" 76

Tip #52 "Thanks for Making My Dad Happy Again" 76

Tip #53 "Why Do You Dislike Me?" 77

Tip #54 "Thanks for Reaching Out to Me" 78

Tip #55 "My Dad Is Acting Like a Teenager. It's Ridiculous." 79

Tip #56 "I Can Tell You Things I Can't Tell My Parents" 80

Tip #57 "Are You Getting My Inheritance?" 81

Tip #58 "I Feel Terrible for the Way I've Treated You" 82

Chapter 6 The Childless and Child-Free Stepmom-Unique Challenges 85

Tip #59 When Your Husband Believes You Already Have Kids 86

Tip #60 Coping With Infertility 87

Tip #61 When Adoption Is an Option 88

Tip #62 When Your Husband Changes His Mind 88

Tip #63 Should We Consider the Kids? 89

Tip #64 Ignore Judgmental Attitudes 91

Tip #65 Instant Motherhood: A Culture Shock 91

Tip #66 Overcoming Guilt and Shame 92

Tip #67 Answering "Mommy" Questions 92

Chapter 7 "What Did You Say?" Educating Family and Friends 95

Tip #68 Choosing to Love Your Stepkids-A Different Kind of Affection 97

Tip #69 You Simply Fell in Love With a Man Who Has Kids 97

Tip #70 You Can't Fix Stupid 98

Tip #71 You Didn't Know What You Were Getting Into 99

Tip #72 Listen to Wise Words 99

Tip #73 Stop Attempting to Explain 100

Tip #74 Are You Teachable? 101

Tip #75 Your Situation Is Unique 102

Chapter 8 Holidays, Weddings, and Mother's Day- Oh My! 105

Holidays 106

Tip #76 Expect the Unexpected 106

Tip #77 Murder Norman Rockwell 107

Tip #78 The Best Predictor of the Future-The Past 107

Tip #79 Create New Memories 108

Tip #80 Address Favoritism 108

Weddings 109

Tip #81 Lower Your Expectations 109

Tip #82 Step Aside: A Gift to Your Husband and His Kids 110

Tip #83 Find an Ally 111

Mother's Day 112

Tip #84 Explain Your Expectations 112

Vacations 113

Tip #85 Work Toward New Traditions 113

Tip #86 Create Privacy and Personal Space 114

Tip #87 Learn Why the Kids Don't Care 115

Chapter 9 Let's Hear It From the Men-Hubby's Perspective 119

Tip #88 "I Have No Desire to Reconcile With My Ex-Wife" 120

Tip #89 "I Know This Is Harder Than We Thought It Would Be" 121

Tip #90 "I'm Scared" 121

Tip #91 "I'm Afraid of Losing My Kids" 123

Tip #92 "I Just Want Peace" 123

Tip #93 "I Don't Think or Parent Like You Do" 124

Tip #94 "Sometimes You Alake the Situation Worse" 126

Tip #95 "Please Be Patient With My Kids" 126

Chapter 10 Mirror, Mirror on the Wall-A Peek Inside 131

Tip #96 Explore Whether You Are an Enabler 134

Tip #97 Confess Your Weakness 135

Tip #98 Find the Root Reasons 135

Tip #99 Learn How Codependency Has Affected Your Life 137

Tip #100 Take Steps to Heal 138

Tip #101 Discover the Difference Between Healthy Boundaries and Improper Consequences 138

Chapter 11 Who's Your Daddy? Satisfying Our Deepest Longing 141

Pre-Marriage Stepfamily Quiz 151

Notes 155

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101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom: Expert Advice From One Stepmom to Another 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A must need for every stepmom no matter where you are at in your marriage. It gives so much insight that it is worth the purchase of it. It has subjects such as discipline issues, coming into the Marriage with or without children. This includes topics of: understanding a blended family, feelings of an outsider to gaining the respect of your stepchildren. Each tip is a bitsize piece and is wonderful. Worth reading. ***I received this book from Bethany House Publishers for my honest review***