The Missions of Sam and Kader: A Complete and Accurate History

Apparently, I've been chosen to write a summary about these missions. Do you really want me to do that? I've been dragged against my will to the ends of the earth and back. I've been manhandled and bombarded with... Wait. Hold on... I'm supposed to be nice about this? Really? Show them in a positive light? Are you kidding me? Fine... Yeah, I got it, lie through my teeth. Okay... Sorry, let me start over. Sam, your average run-of-the-mill boy on a mission. No, really--real missions! Sam and ...