Table of Contents
Foreword 8
Introduction 12
Section 1 The Initial Investigation
Chapter 1 Some preliminaries 18
"How could you have had so-called muscle dysmorphia and orthorexia for 40 years before you realized it?" 19
Some important terminology 20
What's good therapy, and how did it help me? 20
Chapter 2 A brief autobiography 22
Chapter 3 Recognition signs from earlier 28
Self-shame 29
Myth busting 30
Striving for the unattainable 30
Chapter 4 "Muscle dysmorphia" 32
My epiphany 33
What is so-called muscle dysmorphia? 33
Bigorexia: Bodybuilding and Muscle Dysmorphia 34
The Muscular Ideal: Psychological, Social, and Medical Perspectives 35
When does bodybuilding dedication become "muscle dysmorphia"? 37
Proposed triggers of "muscle dysmorphia" 38
"Muscle dysmorphia" and the bodybuilding industry 38
Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs) in bodybuilding 39
An illustration of how physical shame is exacerbated 39
An illustration of the destructive effects of bodybuilding drugs 41
Chapter 5 "Orthorexia" 42
What is so-called orthorexia? 43
My own "orthorexia" 45
Chapter 6 Other characteristics that affect me 50
Obsessiveness in general 51
Self-control 51
So-called perfectionism 52
So-called workaholism 54
Taking on challenges 54
Clarification 55
The voice in my head 56
Chapter 7 A "personality disorder" 58
The combined effects of my "symptoms" of three "mental disorders" 61
Endless dissatisfaction 62
My "medication" 62
Suicidal thoughts 63
Chapter 8 My marriage 64
Chapter 9 An introduction to therapy 68
Therapy for "muscle dysmorphia" 69
Therapy for "orthorexia" 70
Therapy for "obsessive-compulsive personality disorder" 72
How I selected my therapist 73
Section 2 Therapy and Healing
Chapter 10 The diary of my personal therapy, Part One 74
Preface 75
How self-shame can be produced by identifying with the burdens of other people 76
Session 1 77
Session 2 78
Session 3 83
Session 4 85
Session 5 86
Session 6 91
My biggest success-that I survived 94
Session 7 95
The biggest paradox of my life 97
Session 8 98
Session 9 99
More on "perfectionism" 101
Solace through solitude 102
Session 10 103
Session 11 104
Session 12 105
Session 13 106
Perspective 107
Session 14 109
Session 15 111
"Imperfectionism" 114
Chapter 11 Shame 116
Chapter 12 The diary of my personal therapy. Part Two 124
Session 16 125
Session 17 126
Session 18 129
Session 19 131
Session 20 134
My therapeutic letter to Khalesi 137
Session 21 141
Session 22 143
My therapeutic letter to Mum and Dad 146
Session 23 148
Chapter 13 September-2015-through-June-2017 summary, Part One 150
My therapy and healing
Chapter 14 September-2015-through-June-2017 summary, Part Two 160
My body and my training, my eating, my work, my marriage, personality-based life management, and a new interest
Chapter 15 July-2017-through-September-2018 update, Part One 166
Books that helped me, the nutritional component, and the effects of severe mental and physical strain
Chapter 16 July-2017-through-September-2018 update, Part Two 172
An alternative approach to effective therapy
Chapter 17 The October-201S-through-December-2018 revelation 178
How I further calmed the voice in my head
Chapter 18 The 2019 leg 190
More sessions with Ms. C, and the results of further self-inquiry
Chapter 19 The wrap-up 204
Chapter 20 The extras 210
More on the teachings of William Glasser and Eckhart Tolle
References 219
Other books by Stuart 220
