Asking for a Friend: Three Centuries of Advice on Life, Love, Money, and Other Burning Questions from a Nation Obsessed

by Jessica Weisberg

Overview

A delightful history of Americans' obsession with advice — from Poor Richard to Dr. Spock to Miss Manners

Americans, for all our talk of pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps, obsessively seek advice on matters large and small. Perhaps precisely because we believe in bettering ourselves and our circumstances in life, we ask for guidance constantly. And this has been true since our nation's earliest days: from the colonial era on, there have always been people eager to step up and offer advice, some of it lousy, some of it thoughtful, but all of it read and debated by generations of Americans.

Jessica Weisberg takes readers on a tour of the advice-givers who have made their names, and sometimes their fortunes, by telling Americans what to do. You probably don't want to follow all the advice they proffered. Eating graham crackers will not make you a better person, and wearing blue to work won't guarantee a promotion. But for all that has changed in American life, it's a comfort to know that our hang-ups, fears, and hopes have not. We've always loved seeking advice — so long as it's anonymous, and as long as it's clear that we're not asking for ourselves; we're just asking for a friend.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781568585345
Publisher:	PublicAffairs
Publication date:	04/03/2018
Pages:	320
Product dimensions:	6.20(w) x 9.30(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Jessica Weisberg is an award-winning writer and producer. Her writing has appeared in the New Yorker, New York Times, Harper's, and Atavist, among other publications, and been nominated for a National Magazine Award. She was a producer on the podcast Serial and runs the features unit at Vice News Tonight on HBO, for which she's been nominated for an Emmy. She lives in Brooklyn.

Table of Contents

Preface 1

Part 1 Old, Wise Men 11

1 In Praise of the Maggot John Dunton 15

2 Politeness vs. Honesty, Part 1 Lord Chesterfield 27

3 Funny Business Benjamin Franklin 43

4 American Guru William Alcott 55

Part 2 As a Friend 67

5 Sob Sister Dorothy Dix 71

6 Happy Thoughts Dale Carnegie 85

7 Everything Changes Dear Abby Ann Landers 97

8 Indulgence Is a Virtue Mildred Newman 111

Part 3 Experts Among Us 123

9 Honorary Pants Sylvia Porter 127

10 Doctor's Orders Benjamin Spock 139

11 Death's Best Friend Elisabeth Kübler-Ross 155

12 Guide to the Stars Joan Quigley 171

Part 4 Advice for All, by All 189

13 Stand by Me Harville Hendrix Helen Hunt 193

14 Politeness vs. Honesty, Part 2 Judith Martin 207

15 How to Coach a Life Coach Martha Beck 219

16 The King of Quora Michael King 233

Conclusion 247

Acknowledgments 251

Notes 253

Index 289

Editorial Reviews

…[a] sprightly history of the advice column…

The New York Times Book Review - Molly Young

01/22/2018
Self-help books may seem especially ubiquitous today, but as journalist Weisberg writes in her winning debut, the “American self-help empire has been sprawling aggressively for decades.” She recounts the evolution of professional advice giving via 16 different practitioners spanning over three centuries, from late-17th-century London publisher John Dunton through 21st-century “life coach” Martha Beck. While cautioning that some of the advice discussed is “extreme, outdated, or downright insane” (such as 19th-century diet guru William Alcott’s strict no-tomatoes rule), Weisberg stresses that her subjects were essentially well-intentioned, and not charlatans or hypocrites. Intriguingly, the book highlights trends over time, including the emergence of secular advice givers from the late 17th to mid-19th century, the domination of the 20th by either self-styled “confidants” or credentialed experts, and the current trend of striking a balance between approachability and professionalism. Weisberg describes the distinctive traits of her book’s subjects, such as Ben Franklin’s use of pseudonyms, columnist Dorothy Dix’s combination of sympathy with tough love, and astrologer Joan Quigley’s direct line to the Reagan White House. Both those devoted to and bemused by self-help literature will profit from this insightful look into an ever-relevant and changing facet of American society. (Apr.)

Publishers Weekly

"Take my advice and read this fascinating book immediately. It's the only piece of advice I can offer that even begins to compare to the advice of the writers it chronicles. Whether it's Benjamin Franklin, Dr. Spock, or 'The King of Quora,' Jessica Weisberg captures her subjects' work and personalities with engaging insight. As she does so, she also offers an illuminating look into what society craves advice on in any given age (from retaining your job in the 1930s to retaining your marriage in the 1990s). It's a must read for anyone who loves learning about history and human angst, as well as those who love their local paper's advice column."—Jennifer Wright, author of It Ended Badly: 13 of the Worst Breakups in History


"Rich with insight and surprising facts, Jessica Weisberg's ingenious appraisal of America's guidance-givers doubles as a wholly unexpected history of our national psyche. At long last, the lowly advice column gets its due!"—Kate Bolick, author of Spinster: Making a Life of One's Own


"An oddly soothing antidote to the millenarian terrors of today, Jessica Weisberg's history of ordinary American anxiety is as warm, funny, entertaining, and chattily insightful as the advice-dispensers she portrays. In the centuries before the internet, these were the ones we turned to with questions so obscure,
embarrassing, weird, or mortifyingly personal that only a stranger would do."—Larissa MacFarquhar, authorof Strangers Drowning: ImpossibleIdealism, Drastic Choices, and the Urge to Help


"Jessica Weisberg's hilarious, enlightening odyssey through the history of advice columns chronicles the evolution of our anxieties over how to act. However weird or offensive some of our questions have been, it's heartening to know that at least we've always been trying. A surprising and delightful read."—Mac McClelland, author of Irritable Hearts: A PTSD Love Story


"Welcome to a hilarious dinner party of outrageous characters! Each one of Weisberg's profiles is like a witty, surprisingly profound toast. I can't stop talking about this book to everyone I know; it snuck up on me as one of the most insightful books about human nature that I've ever read."—Courtney E.Martin, author of The New Better Off:Reinventing the American Dream

From the Publisher

2018-02-20
A social history of and commentary on the extremely lucrative enterprise of dispensing advice.Realizing she cannot possibly deal with all, or even many, of three centuries' worth of professional advice-givers, Weisberg, formerly a producer of Serial as well as Vice News Tonight, narrows it down to a comfortable number and arranges her discussion chronologically. She begins and ends with commentary on Americans' fondness for obtaining advice from newspapers, books, conferences, and the internet and then takes us back to the late 17th century and John Dunton, whose Athenian Gazette debuted in London in March 1691. As the author writes, this periodical, which "delivered harsh and clear determinations of what was acceptable and what was not," was the beginning of it all. She then proceeds forward in fairly formulaic fashion: an introduction to each adviser, a bit of biography of the person, explorations of current practitioners who follow a similar approach, and comments about the strengths and failures of the techniques. Quite a few of the names will be familiar to general readers, including Benjamin Franklin, Dr. Benjamin Spock, Dale Carnegie, and Dear Abby. But Weisberg also focuses on less-well-known figures, including William Alcott and Joan Quigley, "Nancy Reagan's astrologer." The author is not afraid to deliver some zingers. She sees hypocrisy in Dr. Spock; marriage counselors Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt are "old-fashioned"; Miss Manners (Judith Martin) is "a blend of a Jane Austen heroine and Anna Wintour." The most engaging chapters are those in which Weisberg participates in some fashion. She attends a Dale Carnegie workshop, interviews advisers, and brings personal perspective. She also provides plenty of historical nuggets, reminding us that Dear Abby and Ann Landers were estranged identical twins and that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross helped found the hospice movement. The tone is generally informative, though sometimes critical and even cynical.A swift account of an industry that bubbles with bluster and marinates in money.

Kirkus Reviews

★ 04/01/2018
In this absorbing book, Weisberg, an award-winning writer and producer for Gimlet Media, proves that advice takes many forms and that readers respond to it in myriad ways. For example, they might faithfully listen to a favorite advice columnist or regularly consult a horoscope. Whether we seek guidance, believe that we could fashion a better response to a question posed, or are grateful we are not experiencing the dilemma described, Weisberg suggests that, for most of us, such a forum is irresistible as it reflects America's "cultural tendency towards optimism" and the belief that all anyone needs is occasional help. This book focuses on actual advice givers, including household names such as Ann Landers, Dear Abby, and Benjamin Franklin, and others in the field, including Swiss American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and Joan Quigley, Nancy Reagan's astrologer. Weisberg begins by tracing the roots of advice to the dubious Athenian Society in 1690s London, and then considers how subsequent advice givers have reflected and often shaped the history of America's culture wars. VERDICT Strong writing, thorough research, and a sharp focus on various aspects of culture and history makes this ideal for all types of collections.—Penelope J.M. Klein, Fayetteville, NY

Library Journal

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