Bad Kitty

Bad Kitty

by Michele Jaffe

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Overview

Meet Jasmine,1 forensic supersleuth,2 aspiring Model Daughter,3 and friend to animals.4 One second she's trying to enjoy her Vegas Vacation,5 the next she's tangled up in an outrageous adventure and has to outwit a crazed killer before he ends ten lives, one of them her own.6

1 Hi! That's me!
2 I. Wish.
3 Emphasis on aspiring. Current status: failing.
4 If friend means "unsuspecting victim" and animals means "one very bad kitty."
5 And meet the cute guy at the Snack Hut. I have priorities.
6 Meep! But I guess it winds up okay since Kirkus Reviews says: "Inventive, witty, and laugh-out-loud funny, with an enjoyably twisty ending." They wouldn't say that if everyone died, right? Right?

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780060781101
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 05/22/2007
Series: Michele Jaffe's Bad Kitty Series , #1
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 304
Product dimensions: 5.31(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.68(d)
Lexile: 770L (what's this?)
Age Range: 13 - 17 Years

About the Author

Michele Jaffe is the author of Bad Kitty, Kitty Kitty, and the mangas Bad Kitty: Catnipped and Bad Kitty: Catnapped as well as several adult novels, including the thrillers Bad Girl and Loverboy. After getting her Ph.D. in Comparative Literature from Harvard, she retired from academia and decided to become an FBI special agent or glamorous showgirl but somehow ended up writing. A native of Los Angeles, CA, Michele and her sparkly shoes reside in New York City.

Read an Excerpt

Bad Kitty MOBChapter One

I believe everyone has a superpower. My friend Polly can name the designer, season, and price of any garment on any person (knockoffs too) with flawless accuracy. Roxy can eat more food faster than anyone I've ever seen, has a perfect sense of direction, and over one spring break she built a working TV out of an old toaster. And her twin brother Tom can imitate anyone's voice and pick any kind of lock.

Still, I've never been able to figure out what my superpower is. Dr. Payne, my dentist, says my teeth generate plaque faster than anyone he's ever seen. And I have an incredible ability to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, without fail. But I'm not sure either of those count. I guess the only thing I've got going for me is that cats like me.

But if that is a superpower, you can have it, because it's the reason I got into this whole mess.

It had started out as such a nice day too.

I was relaxing on my chaise lounge at the Venetian Hotel pool in Las Vegas after a grueling fifteen minutes of water aerobics with my stepmother, Sherri! (Actually, she just recently stopped writing her name with the exclamation point after it. Now she just puts a heart over the i.)

Sherri! and I had just finished our "exercise," which mostly consisted of me flailing my arms around like I was telling some hovering space aliens, "Over here, come this way," and Sherri! naming the different brands of breast implants on display around us in the pool. Sherri!'s breasts are real, but since almost all her friends from the ABA where she works as a hand-breast-thigh body double, are "enhanced," she's become kind of an expert. (ABA stands forAll-Body Agency, supplying body doubles to Hollywood since 1984, not the American Bar Association, which is what my aunt Liz thinks.)

That's not her superpower, though. Sherri!'s superpower is that it's impossible to hate her. I know, you're thinking that is not a superpower, but in the case of Sherri!, believe me, it is. Because it's not just men who don't hate her. Everyone doesn't hate Sherri! Even I can't hate her, which, if you know anything about stepmothers, is really very wrong. We are supposed to hate each other; it's in the natural order of things. And that does not take into account the special circumstances of me vs. Sherri! Which are:

Sherri!:

Boobs: C-cup, real, perky

Eyes: sky blue

Skin: peach sorbet

Face: could totally launch a thousand ships.

Even rockets.

Figure: she's a body double for Hollywood stars.

Need I say more?

Height: perfect (5'6"; 5'9" in heels)

If her hair were a character in a horror movie, it would be:

the pretty girl who always looks tidy yet sexy even when running for her life from the scary unpredictable murderer

Dream: to invent a line of comfortable, safe, and attractive seat belts for small dogs

Age: 25

Me (Jas):

Boobs: nonexistent (like my superpower)

Eyes: grass green (from my Irish father)

Skin: chocolate milkshake (from my Jamaican mother.

Along with my dimples.)

Face: could launch, maybe, a science experiment

Figure: stick bug

Height: King Kong

If my hair were a character in a horror movie it would be:

the scary unpredictable murderer who sometimes looks perfectly normal and then other times reveals an inner demonic self.

Dream: to have a boyfriend I can look up to. Literally. While wearing my cowboy

boots. Oh, also to fight crime and make the world a safer place.

Age: 17

Yes, that is right, my stepmother was eight when I was born. Don't even ask how old my father was when she was born; it's upsetting. And yet, despite that, I cannot hate her.

Since she and my dad got married a year ago, Sherri! has been nothing but excellent. She doesn't take my dad's side in our arguments, and she uses logic on me to get me to do what she wants. Like, "If you use the car without permission, you'd better remember to fill the gas tank. You have money for gas, right? If you don't, you might not want to go." I mean, that's helpful. Plus, she has never tried to give me menstruation tips, or tell me how lucky I am because my exotic coloring opens up a whole palette of eye shadow colors most women can't go near, or point out that some boys like to date women a foot taller than them, or advise me about guys at all.

Not that her advice would work anyway, since her experiences as a seventeen-year-old and mine have nothing in common except that we are both the same species. And I'm not even sure that's true. I mean, Sherri! could well be some new, improved form of Homo sapiens designed to end hatred and bring voluptuous beauty to the world. The way the really cute guy sitting at the pool's Snack Hut looked in our direction as she perfectly "Right arm, jab! Left arm, jab!"ed her way through water aerobics made this very clear.

My plan for the afternoon was to lie around far, far from Sherri! and Dad and their cooing, trying to come up with something to write in my summer Meaningful Reflection Journal for school. It seemed like a good time to start, since school was beginning in two weeks and so far my journal was empty. So I decided I would just write down whatever I wanted. Like this haiku:

Cute guy at Snack Hut
Why won't you remove your shirt?
It's so hot (you too)

The point of the Meaningful Reflection Journal, according to Dr. Lansdowne, the college counselor at the Westborough School for Girls, which I attend, is to encourage us to compile thoughts and reflections and take stock of all the little life lessons we learn each day. (Translated, that meant that it would force us to practice SAT vocabulary words while helping us come up with something that sounded deep in our college essays.) Young people, Dr. Lansdowne said, experience so much and process so little; the journals would change that. He can get away with saying things like that without choking on his tongue because he looks like Hugh Grant did when he was young, complete with British accent.

Bad Kitty MOB. Copyright © by Michele Jaffe. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Customer Reviews

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Bad Kitty 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 91 reviews.
TeensReadToo More than 1 year ago
BAD KITTY is the story of Jasmine Callihan, amateur super sleuth and trouble magnet extraordinaire. While on vacation with her family in Las Vegas, all she wants to do is lounge around by the pool, check out the cute guy she saw at the snack hut, and, most of all, be a Model Daughter and prove to her dad that she can stay out of trouble. This lasts for all of about five minutes, until a little boy and his three-legged cat entangle her, "literally," in a murder mystery.

Add in a famous fashion model (who happens to be the little boy's mother), an intimidating bodyguard, an insane killer, threatening messages, limo rides, the Evil Hench Twins (Jas' cousin Alyson and her best friend, Veronique), and even jail time, and you have one crazy adventure. Not to mention that Jack, the cute snack hut guy that Jas can't seem to stop thinking about, may be more than he appears. Pretty soon Jas' best friends Roxy, Tom, and Polly also crash the vacation, bringing with them a handy Bedazzler and tons of hilarious ideas to aid (and hinder) Jas in her investigation.

BAD KITTY is a fantastic read, and one you might not want to read in public if you tend to laugh while reading. Footnotes sprinkled throughout every chapter act as conversations between Jas and her friends, correcting and adding to the story, and by the end of the book, Jas has come up with sixty hilarious "Little Life Lessons" that everyone should know. For example, "Little Life Lesson 12: If you have your cousin and her friend stand out the sunroof of your limo to give you navigational instructions, be sure that they aren't facing backward to wave at the cute guys in the Porsche behind you when they tell you to go left or right."

The characters are fun and entertaining, the plot hysterical, and you can't help but be swept along with Jas and her friends for the ride. This will definitely appeal to fans of authors like Meg Cabot and Louise Rennison, and for readers who are already fans of the book, Michele Jaffe is hard at work on the sequel.

So hurry to your nearest bookstore and pick up a copy of BAD KITTY. Believe me, it's totally Visa! (Oh, go read the book and you'll understand!)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I think this book is a great comedy im in the sixth grade and its kind of inapropriatte
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Best book i have ever read. If your name is Jasmine ur gonna live it. It kinda desribed me so thats why i love it :)
Sonal Bhatt More than 1 year ago
I LOVED this book i cant wait to read the second book
DanceBree17 More than 1 year ago
This is a super funny book about Jas and her family as she gets involved in a mystery while she is staying in Las Vegas. Pretty soon her friends Polly, Tom and Roxy come to crash her vacation and help her solve the mystery, one BeDazzled clue at a time. The writing is great and I was laughing so much. There are a lot of annotations where you go to the bottom of the page and Jas and her friends are making side comments about things in the story, and that only adds to the hilarity. Also sprinkled about are her Little Life Lessons which usually have some basis in the story line, and almost always poke fun at her. Ms. Jaffe does a great ob of bringing the Las Vegas Strip to the pages of the book and I picked this book up shortly after my own trip to Vegas and I happily remembered every scene she writes about. If you want a quick but funny read...look for the Bad Kitty.
SparklesAM More than 1 year ago
This book was really good and funny. I love how Jas keeps running in to Jack almost everywhere she goes. The notes at the bottom are good to have because she and her friends all talk in the notes at the bottom, sometimes they don't all talk there at the same time. I like how Roxy and Polly go down in the little notes and talk about jas and then jas comes in and they just ignore her and go back up to the story. I think that some of her " Little Life Lessons " are fuuny and some are helpful. I love how the book ends. Also her cousins can be funny sometime, like when the go and say something Mastercard or Visa ( you'll know what i'm talking about if you read the book.) Also if your like me, you won't want to stop reading this book even if you have to. This book was really hard for me to put down when i had to go to bed or had to stop reading it in class because the bell was gonna ring or i had to go eat dinner. I loved this book and i hope you read it and will love it too !!!
nstig8r More than 1 year ago
I LOVED this book!!! It had great plot and character development. You really love all the characters. I laughed all the way through!! The book had humor that could be understood by many different age groups!! I had my whole family laughing at some of the lines!! I am looking forward to more adventures of Jas, Jack, and her friends!!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I have to say, I am surprised. When one of my friends offered to let me borrow this book in lit class, I was a little discouraged. Besides, it looked like a preppy, I-only-worry-about-myself-because the-world-revolves-around-me-and-the-way-I-look-when-a-cute-guy-is-aro und type of book anyway. But, boy, was I wrong. The book isn¿t a stereotypical kind with the main character being a blonde-haired, blue-eyed type of girl. 'He father is of Irish decent and her mother was Jamaican.' And the main character doesn¿t worry about whether she has the latest Prada bag or cutest outfit. From the first page, I was hooked. Michele Jaffe knows how to bring the kind of laughter that gets your family to stare at you through the corner of their eyes. It was hilarious. And even though I sometimes did not like the fact that the story was interrupted by the characters talking at the bottom of the page, it added a special funniness that I still enjoyed. This is positively a great read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
good book. It's comical and adventurous, has mystery but as i read the book i felt that sometimes the book lost it's flow and lagged a bit. Other than that Bad Kitty is a good book to read during the summer! :]
gildedspine on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Girl + vacation in swanky hotel = perfection.Right?Not for Jas. Besides having to deal with her overprotective father (a.k.a. the Thwarter) making sure she doesn't get carried away with her forensic crime passion, there's also a guy who might be interested in her but more likely is a cold-blooded killer, her evil cousin and equally evil clone and this evil cat that keeps sinking his claws in her at the most inopportune moments.Trouble? Obviously, but in the funniest way possible.This book wasn't completely The Funny YA Novel I was looking for. There was more than a little innuendo, and I was not sold on the whole "hottie's looking my way, it must be true love" aspect - way too cliche, and not at all my flavor, if you know what I mean. When Jas's friends get involved, though, there's more than a few scenes where I just couldn't keep in a chuckle. It's like the Scooby Gang, but minus the talking dog - and no ghosts. This is the type of no-angst, no-pain novels that you just need to keep on the side for when YA dystopian/the end of the world is nigh/paranormal creatures are out to drink my blood ahh save me storylines are getting you down.Also, who can't at least feel for a heroine who wants to bust the real-life bad guys? I might not want to make my career in crime science, but I definitely can't help but follow along with a good mystery - Jas can't either, which is why you can't blame her for most of the hijinks she gets herself into.And a best friend who loves pink, but talks on her radio to truckers in order to get Intel - priceless.Warnings: Aforementioned innuendo. A not entirely believable romantic side-plot. But you can be reassured that no animals were harmed in the making of this novel. (I hope.)Final verdict: Need some mind candy? Look this one up. You won't regret it.
GaylDasherSmith on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Well written mystery as well as being very funny. I love her playing "crime scene Barbie".
MeriJenBen on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Jaz is a sixteen year old with a serious gift for getting into impossible situations, and a keen interest in crime and detection. She's always getting into trouble with her genius (McArthur certified!), and overprotective father. After losing out on a sweet internship in the LAPD crime lab, she's suffering through a family vacation at the Venetian hotel in Vegas with the Thwarter (dad), Sherri! (step-mom) and evil cousin Ashley and her hench-twin Veronique. Jaz has decided to be a Model Daughter, just like the one's in the Hallmark ads.However, when a three-legged cat lands on her chest down by the pool, it gets the naturally nosy Jaz and her three best friends into a complicated situation involving supermodels, murderers, hot British guys, BeDazzlers, guns, underwear and cosmetics used as forensic tools.This is a fun, if patently unbelievable read. The mystery plot is really just a setup to move Jaz and her friends from one unbelievable situation to the next. Jaz and her friends, funny and cool they may be, are no more realistic, being uniformly beautiful and rich. The ultra hip setting of luxury hotels and hot night clubs will appeal to teens, as will the complete lack of adult supervision while Jaz and friends solve the crime. A fun, fast bit of fluff.
simplykatie on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
good, cute little mystery. i was (mostly) annoyed with the asides, but i could see how they might work with teenagers. a nice airplane bookstore buy.
kayceel on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Super silly, but VERY entertaining. Light, humorous fun.
4sarad on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This was a cute book and I liked the characters, but the way the book was set up bugged me. There are constant footnotes where the characters rattle on about nothing with each other while you completely lose track of what's happening in the story. It's a nice teen mystery set in Las Vegas that can keep you guessing and ends well.
stephxsu on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Enter a new talent into the YA world: Michele Jaffe, queen of comedy! If BAD KITTY doesn¿t make you laugh until your sides split, then I don¿t know what will.Six-foot-tall Jasmine Callihan is obsessed with superpowers. Her best friends all have one. Heck, even people she doesn¿t like have them. But what¿s her superpower? Only the unfortunately troubling one of attracting cats. Which is exactly what happens to her on her family vacation in Las Vegas.The cat that jumps on her in Vegas belongs to the Fred, the young son of the famous Fiona Bristol, who is currently embroiled in a murderous love triangle between her lover and her ex-husband Red Early. With her eager but amateur detective skills, Jas detects a sinister plot designed to hurt Fiona and Fred¿a plot that involves the underhanded involvement of a gorgeous (and tall!) Jack, whom Jas wishes desperately is her soulmate¿you know, except for the he¿s-trying-to-kill-her part.But things are not always what they seem. Sometimes, the truth is not what you want it to be¿it is much, much more dangerous.BAD KITTY is completely hilarious. I honestly haven¿t read a book this funny in a long time. Jaffe¿s characters are quirky but well-developed, and I absolutely adored her constant play on the format of the novel (hint: footnotes). Pick this up if you¿re a fan of Meg Cabot and the like, and you won¿t regret it!
cacv78 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I'm not a big fan of mystery books but this but was somewhat good. The main character, Jasmine, is very likable. The books gets better when her friends from Los Angeles come to join her in Vegas to help her solve this mystery but a lot of the footnotes that the author provides as side coversations between the friends get a little distracting to the main story itself. The story also gets a little dragged out when things occur that seem too crazy to believe.
kikilon on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
It's a cute book. it was recommended to me by someone (probably online), but I don't remember why. There were a lot of annoying things about this book. Footnotes for one. Secondary characters for another. I liked the mystery sort of happening to the heroine, but for a book referring to cats, there really weren't enough of them. I did enjoy the way the heroine's race was dealt with throughout the book though.
mmillet on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
First of all, I can't believe this book won the Beehive award for best YA fiction. Eek! Although it is a good book and fast-paced, I don't think it should have won an award unless it was in the teenage-girls-who-like-to-dress-nice-but-who-secretly-foil-criminal-plans category. Now that I have that out of my system, Jas is a good narrator and I enjoyed reading all the little footnotes at the bottom. And I also liked that our heroine was smart AND pretty. Fun, beach read for teen girls.
callmecayce on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This is possibly one of the funniest books I've ever read. It's about Jas, who has the unique problem of having trouble follow her wherever she goes -- even when she's trying her best to stay out of it. She's also obsessed with forensics, so you can see where this is going. The novel takes place in Las Vegas and is scattered with some of the most hilarious footnotes I've read outside of a Terry Pratchett novel. We follow Jas as she, and eventually her three best friends, get into (and out of) trouble. I laughed out loud so many times that I lost count. I really hope the sequel is just as good.
BrynDahlquis on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
So. much. fun.Remind me to never read Bad Kitty in public, because I'm constantly bursting into giggles. There's not many books that makes me literally laugh out loud, but Bad Kitty is definitely one of them.Jasmine is just awesome, let's face it, and her three pals are just as cool. Jasmine's forensic skills (which are actually pretty legit) paired with Polly's fashion advice, Roxy's gadgetry, and Tom's locksmith skills are a force to be reckoned with. Then throw in some suave Jackness and murder, and you have a winner!If you want a good laugh -and- a good mystery, then Bad Kitty is definitely for you.
kaburns on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Selected as one of Teen's Top Ten books for 2007, this is a humorous romp through Las Vegas where a group of very well off teens attempt to solve a mystery.
kettykat on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This story is entertaining but tailored more so to female readers. Its a story about Jasmine who is a girl attacked by a kitty and then becomes a detective in a Las Vegas mystery. The story has a lot to do with her wanting to win the trust of her father and get the attention of a cute guy at the pool. Cute read but not really for the male mystery enthusiast.
airdna on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
All Jaz wants to do during her family vacation is lounge lazily by the pool at their Las Vegas hotel. It's not her fault that things just happen to her. Like a three-legged cat hurling itself onto her head and getting her all caught up in a celebrity mystery. Luckily her BFFs from home show up, to join in the amateur sleuthing hijinks. My favorite part is when she dusts for fingerprints using the eyeshadow in her purse. That tells you so much about the character and this book as a whole: it's sassy, inventive, and fun. A thoroughly modern Nancy Drew.
edspicer on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Despite the cover (your choice of pink or black) and despite the title, Bad Kitty is a surprisingly literary book. While it looks like, ¿lit lite¿ it is actually a very funny spoof of the sleuth mystery story. Jasmine is a forensic investigator wannabe who is, unfortunately, a much better klutz. When she is attacked by a three-legged pampered cat of a celebrity, it begins her investigative journey into celebrity scandal and intrigue, complete with metafictional footwear (a.k.a. footnotes). The characters and the plot aspects are purposely exaggerated to maximize the humor. If our BBYA vote (at this point in time) is any indication, half of the readers will really love this one and half will really hate it. Count me as a lover. Recommended for both middle school and high school.