Caregiver's Survival Guide: Caring for Yourself While Caring for a Loved One

by Robert N. Yonover, Ellie Crowe

Overview

Caregiver's Survival Guide is based on Dr. Robert Yonover's personal experiences. While struggling to become a successful scientist and inventor, he also was primary caregiver for his paralyzed wife for more than twenty years and raised their two children. Yonover takes you into the throes of his life as a caregiver, husband, and father, offering guidance and hope through his story. He provides advice on:

• Dealing with heavy news
• Handling day-to-day challenges
• Holding on to the foundation of your relationship
• Taking stock of finances
• Adapting and enjoying life
• Staying sane
• Maintaining a social life
• Fighting for your rights

Through Caregiver's Survival Guide, Dr. Yonover will equip other caregivers who face similar physical, mental, social, and financial challenges with tips and guidelines from his own experiences and other experts to help make their situation survivable.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781510731776
Publisher:	Skyhorse
Publication date:	07/17/2018
Pages:	176
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Dr. Robert Yonover is a geochemist/volcanologist and the inventor of a multitude of survival technologies awarded U.S. Military/DARPA funding and U.S. Patents. Dr. Yonover's media credits include appearances on CNN, PBS, Discovery Channel and Shark Tank. He is the co-author of Hardcore Inventing. Dr. Yonover faced twenty years of long-term challenges when his wife, Cindy, became paralyzed and he unexpectedly became a caregiver and the sole functional parent of two young children. He resides in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Ellie Crowe is the author of Surfer of the Century: The Life of Duke Kahanamoku, a multi-award-winning book, including the prestigious Once Upon a World Award from the Simon Wiesenthal Center/Museum of Tolerance. Ellie has also written many other award-winning books, including Hawaii, A Pictorial Celebration and Exploring Lost Hawaii. She has appeared on the Travel Channel and the History Channel. Crowe lives in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Table of Contents

Foreword xi

Introduction xiii

Section 1 Two In Deep 1

Chapter 1 Hold On to the Foundations of Your Relationship 3

Happy, Loving Couple 3

Chapter 2 Dealing with Heavy News 7

Brain Stem Lesion 7

Telling Your Family and Friends 7

Short-Term vs. Long-Term Conditions 9

Chapter 3 Dealing with Daily Challenges 13

Loss of Mobility and the Dreaded Wheelchair 13

Developing My Feminine Side 15

Chapter 4 Why Me? And the Blame Game 17

Chapter 5 Take Stock of Your Ship 21

How's Your Ship? 22

Assess the Mental Health of Your Team 24

Children's Needs 25

Assess Your Own Health 26

Manage Caregiver Stress 28

Chapter 6 Caregiver Mental Health Breaks 31

Caregiver Escapes 32

Escape into Nature 34

Go to Your Village 35

Chapter 7 Counseling 39

Taking Care of Yourself 40

Value What You Provide 40

Chapter 8 Take Stock of Your Finances 43

Finances-Or the Money Pit 43

Use Your Caregiving Dollars Wisely 44

Pick Your Priorities 45

Seek Professional Advice 46

Chapter 9 Seek Ways to Adapt and Still Enjoy Life 47

Carve Your Joy Niche 49

Keep It Light 49

Entertainment 50

Exercise 52

Cycling System 53

Help Care Recipient Keep a Favorite Activity 54

Travel Strategies and Fabio 56

Chapter 10 Mental Health and Staying Sane 59

Ignore and Distract 61

Staying Sane 62

Chapter 11 The Social Aspect 65

Visitors: The Good, the Bad, and the Clueless 66

Kindred Spirit-Louie Zamperini 67

Chapter 12 Chasing Rainbows 69

Dead Man Surfing 69

Israeli Dream 71

Quacks 'R' Us 73

Chapter 13 Frustration and Loss 75

Six-Day War, 2012 76

Bub and Lovie Sitcom, 2015 77

Section 2 Basic Tasks 81

Chapter 14 Gut Check and the Daily Challenge 83

Trust Your Instincts 84

Feeding 85

Sleeping 86

Bathroom and Beyond 89

Public Bathrooms 92

Bathing 93

Transfers 96

Chapter 15 Medications and Marijuana 99

Avoid Problems with Pills 100

Section 3 Reach Out For Help 103

Chapter 16 Seek Expert Help and Advice 105

Seek Financial Advice 105

Seek Legal Advice 106

Public Benefits 106

Services for Veterans 106

Community Services 107

Adult Day Care 108

Medicare In-Home Part-Time Nursing or Rehabilitative Care 109

Community Care Services 110

Hospice and Medicare 110

Family and Medical Leave Act 111

Insurance 111

Free or Discounted Services for Seniors or Caregivers 112

Chapter 17 Nurses and Helpers 117

Live-In Help at Care Recipient's Home 117

Suggestions for Employing Live-In Help 117

Considering Applicants 118

Interview 118

Checking References 119

Physical Help at Home 120

Hiring Help 120

Privacy 121

Help from Family 122

Chapter 18 Doctors 125

Dealing with Doctors 127

Choosing a Doctor 128

Doctor's Visits 129

Chapter 19 Fight for Your Rights and Causes 131

Section 4 Grieve and Then Create New Dreams 133

Chapter 20 Love, Loss, and Lessons Learned 135

Chapter 21 Caregiving, A Daughter's Perspective, Kera Yonover 137

Index 141

Editorial Reviews

“Yonover, with coauthor Crowe, tells a heartbreaking story in a humorous way. . . . This unconditional love story should appeal to families dealing with physical disabilities.” —Booklist

"An informative gem that can only inspire admiration for Dr. Rob Yonover's decades of full-time work keeping a loved one alive and a family together. Hard-won practical tips included." —Ethan Podet, M.D.

"Caregiving is hard work under any circumstance, particularly so when the recipient is in a condition which declines. Just when you think you've reached your limit, care taking demands increase. Beyond the incredible personal story of Rob Yonover's unexpected challenge, care taking of his wife with MS, and raising his two young children, is the psychological process of finding one's resilient core. His story is a guide to all about redefining one's identity and values in an authentically, sustainable way with everything at stake. Sustainable, because often the person saving another gets drowned themselves. I recommend the book as a highly readable, informative guide, a story of love and personal struggle filled with support, practical day-by-day tips, but most importantly a path to discovering one's own core resiliency." —Wayne Giancaterino, PhD, clinical psychologist

"Based on research and 19 years of experience, this family caregiving narrative provides an honest, compassionate, and humor-filled guide that will appeal to those involved in any kind of long-term care partnering. From how to source expert help and services, deal with extended family and visitors, to self-care, carving out a niche for joy, and managing grief, the Caregiver's Survival Guide illustrates how love, in very tricky times, can both sustain and enhance relationships." —Cathie Borrie, author of The Long Hello

"Caregiving is one of life's most brutal, yet fulfilling experiences. This honest, unflinching, yet humorous guide is sure to help others who are about to start their own journeys." —Noriko Wada, active caregiver

"Rob's wry sense of humor, combined with his unflinching observations, are a refreshing departure from the usual literature. As a fellow caregiver, it's reassuring to see there are universal truths—I just wish I had this guide before starting on my own journey!" —W.N., caregiver for parents suffering from dementia

"Even for someone as supremely accomplished as scientist, inventor, and waterman Dr. Rob Yonover, 19 years devoted to caring for his wife's MS, seemed at the outset an outsized challenge. Where do you start? How do you endure? How do you create the best life for the one you love and will eventually lose, as they can no longer live the life the two of you had planned? The Caregiver's Survival Guide is the hard-won, easy and entertaining to read, step-by-step how-to/memoir of the Yonovers’ intimate journey, wrapped up in a love-letter to his late wife, Cindy. It’s packed with practical advice and deep personal insights—all designed to provide focus and equilibrium in the face of the overwhelming. This is what you have to know as a caregiver to care not only for your loved one, but to also care for yourself." —David Rensin, co-author of American hero Louis Zamperini’s best-selling autobiography Devil at My Heels, and All for a Few Perfect Waves

“Yonover, with coauthor Crowe, tells a heartbreaking story in a humorous way. . . . This unconditional love story should appeal to families dealing with physical disabilities.” —Booklist

"An informative gem that can only inspire admiration for Dr. Rob Yonover's decades of full-time work keeping a loved one alive and a family together. Hard-won practical tips included." —Ethan Podet, M.D.

"Caregiving is hard work under any circumstance, particularly so when the recipient is in a condition which declines. Just when you think you've reached your limit, care taking demands increase. Beyond the incredible personal story of Rob Yonover's unexpected challenge, care taking of his wife with MS, and raising his two young children, is the psychological process of finding one's resilient core. His story is a guide to all about redefining one's identity and values in an authentically, sustainable way with everything at stake. Sustainable, because often the person saving another gets drowned themselves. I recommend the book as a highly readable, informative guide, a story of love and personal struggle filled with support, practical day-by-day tips, but most importantly a path to discovering one's own core resiliency." —Wayne Giancaterino, PhD, clinical psychologist

"Based on research and 19 years of experience, this family caregiving narrative provides an honest, compassionate, and humor-filled guide that will appeal to those involved in any kind of long-term care partnering. From how to source expert help and services, deal with extended family and visitors, to self-care, carving out a niche for joy, and managing grief, the Caregiver's Survival Guide illustrates how love, in very tricky times, can both sustain and enhance relationships." —Cathie Borrie, author of The Long Hello

"Caregiving is one of life's most brutal, yet fulfilling experiences. This honest, unflinching, yet humorous guide is sure to help others who are about to start their own journeys." —Noriko Wada, active caregiver

"Rob's wry sense of humor, combined with his unflinching observations, are a refreshing departure from the usual literature. As a fellow caregiver, it's reassuring to see there are universal truths—I just wish I had this guide before starting on my own journey!" —W.N., caregiver for parents suffering from dementia

"Even for someone as supremely accomplished as scientist, inventor, and waterman Dr. Rob Yonover, 19 years devoted to caring for his wife's MS, seemed at the outset an outsized challenge. Where do you start? How do you endure? How do you create the best life for the one you love and will eventually lose, as they can no longer live the life the two of you had planned? The Caregiver's Survival Guide is the hard-won, easy and entertaining to read, step-by-step how-to/memoir of the Yonovers’ intimate journey, wrapped up in a love-letter to his late wife, Cindy. It’s packed with practical advice and deep personal insights—all designed to provide focus and equilibrium in the face of the overwhelming. This is what you have to know as a caregiver to care not only for your loved one, but to also care for yourself." —David Rensin, co-author of American hero Louis Zamperini’s best-selling autobiography Devil at My Heels, and All for a Few Perfect Waves

From the Publisher