"If you bought this book looking for a literary big sis who'll tell you over and over again,'Hey you're doing everything right-it's the guys who need help!' ... well, what can I say but: Wrong. Check, Please! is a big dose of reality. I'm all about tough love. So open your mind and let's rearrange the rules to help make you America's next top guy magnet."
The outrageous Janice Dickinson-star of TV's The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, bestselling author, and glam girl extraordinaire-now brings her patented blend of hard-won romantic wisdom and diva chic to her first-ever dating guide. Loaded with uncensored dish on her romantic sagas- and her stranger-than-fiction bedroom adventures-Check, Please! unveils Janice's dating dos and don'ts, culled from her three decades at the top of the fast-track world of modeling, and a rich, racy life of dating, mating, and extricating. With the same voracious charm that propelled her into the arms of some of America's most eligible bachelors, here Janice shares her secrets to landing men, loving them, and letting them go. From first dates and old flames to primping, cheating, and sizing things up, Check, Please! is a girl's guide to an irreverent, extravagant love life.
|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.64(d)|
About the Author
Janice Dickinson is the world's first supermodel. She has appeared on the cover of every fashion magazine in the world and is the author of No Lifeguard on Duty and Everything About Me Is Fake . . . and I'm Perfect. A former judge on CW's smash hit America's Next Top Model, she lives in Beverly Hills, California, with her two children.
Read an Excerpt
Check, Please!Dating, Mating, and Extricating
By Janice Dickinson
HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.Copyright © 2006 Janice Dickinson
All right reserved.
Your Coat of Armor
Before you even get to the dating part, you have to steel yourself. (Literally would help, but that metallic look is so 1981.) The first chapter can't be about what to do after your first date, because first we need to get you ready for that first date.
Think of yourself as Joan of Arc. She didn't prance around in the medieval equivalent of a slinky little Versace number and stilettos, but not because she wasn't a hot-looking chick. No, Joan knew she was living through very tough and dangerous times, so she always left the house with her coat of armor. You need to wake up and realize that these are very tough and dangerous times as well. Take it from Joan -- let your guard down and you'll get burned.
What you need is your own coat of armor. When Joan went into battle, she grabbed her coat. When you go out on a date, you're doing the same thing. It's like you're going into minibattle. The last thing you want is to be underdressed and unprotected.
Men are tricky individuals. They are practically born with a coat of armor -- they're thick headed and hard hearted. They're warriors, and most of them have no code of honor.(Say honor to them, and most will hear "on 'er.") So you need to have your own coat of armor, too -- one that can't be penetrated until you want to be penetrated.
Your coat of armor consists of the valuable information you take with you in your brain cells, because knowledge is power and power is survival; a smart plan of attack, including an RFR (Rapid-Fire Response) system, so that no matter what the guy pulls on you, you'll be ready to react; and what you choose to put on your body plus all the other little physical preparations you make for a date. This first section will give you these pieces. I promise you -- with a coat of armor this complete, you'll be immune to Cupid's harmful arrows.
Your coat of armor is like safe sex before the sex even happens.
Know What Dating Is
Dating Is Never Having to Say "I'm Lonely"
I once was asked how I'd explain the concept of dating to space aliens. I guess the real answer is, "Is the alien single? Does he have a nice spaceship?"
I do think it's useful to start a book on dating by nailing down what exactly dating is in the first place. You've gotta know what you're up against before it's up against you.
Dating is one of two things. Either it's about trying to get to the next level or it's about trying to get laid. Dating and mating go hand in hand. You date, you mate. You mate, you keep the world procreating the way it's supposed to. Then, unless you stay with the same guy for eighty years and die in his arms -- which is lovely, but if that's your plan you're reading the wrong book -- the next logical step is extricating. All good -- and most bad -- things must come to an end.
Dating, mating, extricating, procreating . . . masturbating. . . . I'm a white rapper.
If dating is about trying to get to the next level, it makes sense that we take it so damn seriously. If we fail to get to the next level with a guy, it makes us feel like we're faulty, like we're broken people, like no man will ever have us. Dating is too important to take lightly. It's no walk in the park, though that can be a nice date if you're over sixty-five.
Dating is also a test of our ability to make a connection. It gives us a window into how men see us, and if they'd like to continue to see us on a regular basis.
And you were trying to pull it off without a manual? Good luck.
Wanna Get a Guy's Attention?
My first date? I can't think back that far, to the Jurassic Era. I guess I probably arrived at the cave and the guy clubbed me, dragged me in by the hair, and had his way with me.
My first real date was my prom date with Bobby back in Hollywood, Florida, when my date showed up on a Harley and I was on quaaludes and in silver lame and blue eye shadow. Times are different. Dates are not nearly so chill. You have to play the game if you want to win.
Let me give you a blow-by-blow of an experience I had with a hot pilot I met recently when I drove out to Malibu with a carful of my gay male buddies. It was supposed to be a day of walking along the beach (my favorite thing in life), looking for men (a close second), and just plain old relaxing. I didn't even want coffee -- I'm forever trying to kick caffeine, but my posse needed a fix. That's when this drop-dead gorgeous pilot cruised by on the wooden deck of the little cafe we'd randomly chosen.
Bam! Those perfect pecs.
Bam! That strong jaw!
Bam! The sky-blue eyes . . . ink-black curly hair . . . worn leather bomber jacket resting on a firm, cute ass.
I had to remind myself to blink.
My sponsor was dangling on the other end of my cell phone (don't worry, caffeine is allowed). "I gotta go," I whispered. At that moment, I was confident that booze wasn't my problem anymore, which was a major win. But men? They were my addiction and the biggest threat to my sanity. The craving we all share for men will never change, but would we want it any other way? Oh, no. We just want to control that force of nature and make it work for us.
Excerpted from Check, Please! by Janice Dickinson Copyright © 2006 by Janice Dickinson. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Foreword Jon Lovitz xi
Know What Dating Is 13
Wanna Get a Guy's Attention? Ignore Him! 15
Broadcast It 21
Put Yourself First 25
How to Find a Guy 26
The Pickup 35
Getting Ready for Your Date 42
Stack the Odds 46
Late's Not Good for Very Important Dates (or Periods) 52
First Dates Are Crucial 57
Talk Ain't Cheap 60
Bonus Points for Presentation 63
If He's Got His Eye on the Door, He's Already Halfway Through It 70
You Can Take It Seriously Without Getting Serious 72
Sometimes, It's the Men 75
You Set the Rules 94
Dates Are Made to Be Broken 97
The Phone Is Your Friend 105
Advanced Dating Techniques
Never Date Below Your Standards 109
In Praise of Younger Men 118
Take Two-They're Cheap 120
Lack of Consideration Begs for the Check 124
Keep It in the Closet 128
Rules Go Out the Window with Old Flames 132
It's Okay to Be a Parent Who Dates 133
Nip It in the Bud If He's Mr. Nice Guy No More 136
A Date's Great, but a Relationship Rocks 141
Don't Do Anyone You Might Regret 156
Go with the Flow 161
Don't Move (In) Too Fast 163
If You Want to Get Married, Get a Move On 164
Sex...It's Even Better Than Sex 170
Men Are Not Fuck Machines, Unfortunately 175
Size Matters 177
Telephones Make Excellent G-Spots 188
Homosexuality Goes Both Ways 193
Sex Can Be Unavoidable 198
Don't Do Kinky Shit...Unless You Want To 201
Retain Mystery Down There or the Check's on You 224
It's Okay to Want More, More, More 226
Cheating Can Choke Out the Joy Vibe 228
It Happens to the Best of Us 234
Extricate Now! Ask Me How 241
Don't Swear Off Men or Oxygen 246
Sisters Can Do It for Themselves 249
The End Is Not Always the End 251
Don't Follow Trends-Start Them 258
Name Index 261
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
This is a funny, whitty loving book about everything. Dating, mating and extracating its a laugh out loud book. At the end of this book she writes in very touching ways ... she has great messages! I love her as a writier she has much to share and many lessons to share as well.
Plz join my clan at crazy all results
A orang tom with black spot at the end of his tail. Amber eyes. Feirce loyal caring loving protectivd. I want a rouge mate like me and my den is at loghouse
Sorry. Yes i will mate you now. He meowed. Fireheart