Check, Please!: Dating, Mating, and Extricating

Check, Please!: Dating, Mating, and Extricating

by Janice Dickinson
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Check, Please!: Dating, Mating, and Extricating by Janice Dickinson

"If you bought this book looking for a literary big sis who'll tell you over and over again,'Hey you're doing everything right-it's the guys who need help!' ... well, what can I say but: Wrong. Check, Please! is a big dose of reality. I'm all about tough love. So open your mind and let's rearrange the rules to help make you America's next top guy magnet."

The outrageous Janice Dickinson-star of TV's The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, bestselling author, and glam girl extraordinaire-now brings her patented blend of hard-won romantic wisdom and diva chic to her first-ever dating guide. Loaded with uncensored dish on her romantic sagas- and her stranger-than-fiction bedroom adventures-Check, Please! unveils Janice's dating dos and don'ts, culled from her three decades at the top of the fast-track world of modeling, and a rich, racy life of dating, mating, and extricating. With the same voracious charm that propelled her into the arms of some of America's most eligible bachelors, here Janice shares her secrets to landing men, loving them, and letting them go. From first dates and old flames to primping, cheating, and sizing things up, Check, Please! is a girl's guide to an irreverent, extravagant love life.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780060834333
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 05/29/2007
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 288
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.64(d)

About the Author

Janice Dickinson is the world's first supermodel. She has appeared on the cover of every fashion magazine in the world and is the author of No Lifeguard on Duty and Everything About Me Is Fake . . . and I'm Perfect. A former judge on CW's smash hit America's Next Top Model, she lives in Beverly Hills, California, with her two children.

Read an Excerpt

Check, Please!

Dating, Mating, and Extricating
By Janice Dickinson

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2006 Janice Dickinson
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0060763914

Chapter One

Dating 101

Your Coat of Armor

Before you even get to the dating part, you have to steel yourself. (Literally would help, but that metallic look is so 1981.) The first chapter can't be about what to do after your first date, because first we need to get you ready for that first date.

Think of yourself as Joan of Arc. She didn't prance around in the medieval equivalent of a slinky little Versace number and stilettos, but not because she wasn't a hot-looking chick. No, Joan knew she was living through very tough and dangerous times, so she always left the house with her coat of armor. You need to wake up and realize that these are very tough and dangerous times as well. Take it from Joan -- let your guard down and you'll get burned.

What you need is your own coat of armor. When Joan went into battle, she grabbed her coat. When you go out on a date, you're doing the same thing. It's like you're going into minibattle. The last thing you want is to be underdressed and unprotected.

Men are tricky individuals. They are practically born with a coat of armor -- they're thick headed and hard hearted. They're warriors, and most of them have no code of honor.(Say honor to them, and most will hear "on 'er.") So you need to have your own coat of armor, too -- one that can't be penetrated until you want to be penetrated.

Your coat of armor consists of the valuable information you take with you in your brain cells, because knowledge is power and power is survival; a smart plan of attack, including an RFR (Rapid-Fire Response) system, so that no matter what the guy pulls on you, you'll be ready to react; and what you choose to put on your body plus all the other little physical preparations you make for a date. This first section will give you these pieces. I promise you -- with a coat of armor this complete, you'll be immune to Cupid's harmful arrows.

Your coat of armor is like safe sex before the sex even happens.

Lesson One

Know What Dating Is

Dating Is Never Having to Say "I'm Lonely"

I once was asked how I'd explain the concept of dating to space aliens. I guess the real answer is, "Is the alien single? Does he have a nice spaceship?"

I do think it's useful to start a book on dating by nailing down what exactly dating is in the first place. You've gotta know what you're up against before it's up against you.

Dating is one of two things. Either it's about trying to get to the next level or it's about trying to get laid. Dating and mating go hand in hand. You date, you mate. You mate, you keep the world procreating the way it's supposed to. Then, unless you stay with the same guy for eighty years and die in his arms -- which is lovely, but if that's your plan you're reading the wrong book -- the next logical step is extricating. All good -- and most bad -- things must come to an end.

Dating, mating, extricating, procreating . . . masturbating. . . . I'm a white rapper.

If dating is about trying to get to the next level, it makes sense that we take it so damn seriously. If we fail to get to the next level with a guy, it makes us feel like we're faulty, like we're broken people, like no man will ever have us. Dating is too important to take lightly. It's no walk in the park, though that can be a nice date if you're over sixty-five.

Dating is also a test of our ability to make a connection. It gives us a window into how men see us, and if they'd like to continue to see us on a regular basis.

And you were trying to pull it off without a manual? Good luck.

Lesson Two

Wanna Get a Guy's Attention?
Ignore Him!

Happy Landings

My first date? I can't think back that far, to the Jurassic Era. I guess I probably arrived at the cave and the guy clubbed me, dragged me in by the hair, and had his way with me.

My first real date was my prom date with Bobby back in Hollywood, Florida, when my date showed up on a Harley and I was on quaaludes and in silver lame and blue eye shadow. Times are different. Dates are not nearly so chill. You have to play the game if you want to win.

Let me give you a blow-by-blow of an experience I had with a hot pilot I met recently when I drove out to Malibu with a carful of my gay male buddies. It was supposed to be a day of walking along the beach (my favorite thing in life), looking for men (a close second), and just plain old relaxing. I didn't even want coffee -- I'm forever trying to kick caffeine, but my posse needed a fix. That's when this drop-dead gorgeous pilot cruised by on the wooden deck of the little cafe we'd randomly chosen.

Bam! Those perfect pecs.

Bam! That strong jaw!

Bam! The sky-blue eyes . . . ink-black curly hair . . . worn leather bomber jacket resting on a firm, cute ass.

I had to remind myself to blink.

My sponsor was dangling on the other end of my cell phone (don't worry, caffeine is allowed). "I gotta go," I whispered. At that moment, I was confident that booze wasn't my problem anymore, which was a major win. But men? They were my addiction and the biggest threat to my sanity. The craving we all share for men will never change, but would we want it any other way? Oh, no. We just want to control that force of nature and make it work for us.


Excerpted from Check, Please! by Janice Dickinson Copyright © 2006 by Janice Dickinson. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Foreword   Jon Lovitz     xi
Acknowledgments     xix
Introduction     1
Know What Dating Is     13
Wanna Get a Guy's Attention? Ignore Him!     15
Broadcast It     21
Put Yourself First     25
How to Find a Guy     26
The Pickup     35
Getting Ready for Your Date     42
Stack the Odds     46
Late's Not Good for Very Important Dates (or Periods)     52
First Dates Are Crucial     57
Talk Ain't Cheap     60
Bonus Points for Presentation     63
If He's Got His Eye on the Door, He's Already Halfway Through It     70
You Can Take It Seriously Without Getting Serious     72
Sometimes, It's the Men     75
You Set the Rules     94
Dates Are Made to Be Broken     97
The Phone Is Your Friend     105
Advanced Dating Techniques
Never Date Below Your Standards     109
In Praise of Younger Men     118
Take Two-They're Cheap     120
Lack of Consideration Begs for the Check     124
Keep It in the Closet     128
Rules Go Out the Window with Old Flames     132
It's Okay to Be a Parent Who Dates     133
Nip It in the Bud If He's Mr. Nice Guy No More     136
A Date's Great, but a Relationship Rocks     141
Don't Do Anyone You Might Regret     156
Go with the Flow     161
Don't Move (In) Too Fast     163
If You Want to Get Married, Get a Move On     164
Sex...It's Even Better Than Sex     170
Men Are Not Fuck Machines, Unfortunately     175
Size Matters     177
Telephones Make Excellent G-Spots     188
Homosexuality Goes Both Ways     193
Sex Can Be Unavoidable     198
Don't Do Kinky Shit...Unless You Want To     201
Retain Mystery Down There or the Check's on You     224
It's Okay to Want More, More, More     226
Cheating Can Choke Out the Joy Vibe     228
It Happens to the Best of Us     234
Extricate Now! Ask Me How     241
Don't Swear Off Men or Oxygen     246
Sisters Can Do It for Themselves     249
The End Is Not Always the End     251
Don't Follow Trends-Start Them     258
Name Index     261

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Check, Please!: Dating, Mating, and Extricating 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 6 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Rubie More than 1 year ago
This is a funny, whitty loving book about everything. Dating, mating and extracating its a laugh out loud book. At the end of this book she writes in very touching ways ... she has great messages! I love her as a writier she has much to share and many lessons to share as well.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Plz join my clan at crazy all results
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A orang tom with black spot at the end of his tail. Amber eyes. Feirce loyal caring loving protectivd. I want a rouge mate like me and my den is at loghouse
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Sorry. Yes i will mate you now. He meowed. Fireheart