Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power

by Bethany Webster

Overview

Sure to become a classic on female empowerment, a groundbreaking exploration of the personal, cultural, and global implications of intergenerational trauma created by patriarchy, how it is passed down from mothers to daughters, and how we can break this destructive cycle.

Why do women keep themselves small and quiet? Why do they hold back professionally and personally? What fuels the uncertainty and lack of confidence so many women often feel? In this paradigm-shifting book, leading feminist thinker Bethany Webster identifies the source of women’s trauma. She calls it the Mother Wound—the systemic disenfranchisement of women by the patriarchy—and reveals how this cycle is perpetuated by wounded mothers who unconsciously pass on damaging beliefs and behaviors to their daughters.

In her workshops, online courses, and talks, Webster has helped countless women re-examine their lives and their relationships with their mothers, giving them the vocabulary to voice their pain, and encouraging them to share their experiences. In this manifesto and self-help guide, she offers practical tools for identifying the manifestations of the Mother Wound in our daily life and strategies we can use to heal ourselves and prevent our daughters from enduring the same pain. In addition, she offers step-by-step advice on how to reconnect with our inner child, grieve the mother we didn’t have, stop people-pleasing, and, ultimately, transform our heartache and anger into healing and self-love.

Revealing how women are affected by the Mother Wound, even if they don’t personally identify as survivors, Discovering the Inner Mother revolutionizes how we view mother-daughter relationships and gives us the inspiration and guidance we need to improve our lives and ultimately create a more equitable society for all.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062884442
Publisher:	HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:	01/05/2021
Pages:	304
Sales rank:	237,598
Product dimensions:	6.20(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Bethany Webster is a writer, international speaker, and transformational coach. She started blogging in 2013 about the Mother Wound and quickly experienced worldwide demand for her work. Blending research on intergenerational trauma, feminist theory, and psychology with her own personal story, Webster’s work is the result of decades of research and her own journey of healing. Webster speaks, consults, and mentors around the world sharing her growing body of work, which is raising the standard of women’s leadership and personal development. She lives in western Massachusetts.

Table of Contents

Author's Note xi

Introduction xiii

Chapter 1 What Is the Mother Wound? 1

Chapter 2 How Does the Mother Wound Manifest? 23

Chapter 3 Power Dynamics of the Mother Wound 42

Chapter 4 What Keeps the Mother Wound in Place, and Why Does It Endure? 69

Chapter 5 The Mother Gap 88

Chapter 6 Signs You Need to Make a Change 106

Chapter 7 The Rupture of the Mother Line and the Cost of Becoming Real 116

Chapter 8 Boundaries 136

Chapter 9 The Taboo of Questioning Mother 155

Chapter 10 Giving Up the Impossible Dream 166

Chapter 11 Accountability 178

Chapter 12 Grieving 189

Chapter 13 Discovering the Inner Mother 206

Chapter 14 Life Beyond the Mother Wound 229

Conclusion: Emergent Woman: Releasing the "Pleaser" and Making Peace with Our Power 244

Acknowledgments 255

Appendix: Clinical Resources on Complex Developmental Trauma, Psychotherapy, and the Neurosciences 257

Bibliography 269

Permissions 271

Index 273

Editorial Reviews

09/21/2020

Webster, facilitator of workshops based on her personal healing method, debuts with a comforting if diffuse explanation of her methods for alleviating “intergenerational trauma” among women. She defines the “Mother Wound” as the effect on women of the “pervasive, patriarchal, capitalist cultures rooted in colonization and destruction of the earth that have come to dominate much of the world,” which manifest as “a set of internalized limiting beliefs and patterns.” She discusses various ways this plays out—silencing women’s voices, placing women in reductive roles—and provides prompts for how the reader may respond. To do so, Webster uses composite examples of her workshop students that illustrate her teachings, followed by discussion questions. For instance, Webster tells the story of a woman whose mother raised her as a “surrogate spouse” and “family mediator,” distorting her sense of independence as an adult. Webster then uses this case study to spur readers to question how “principles of patriarchy” have affected their own life. Unfortunately, there isn’t much in the way of guidance here, and Webster mentions—but never shares—her “seven-step process” to “support other women in healing the Mother Wound,” which gives the book at times the feel of being a marketing extension of her workshops. Women who grapple with self-limiting beliefs may glean some insights from the examples given, but the dearth of concrete advice is a disappointment. (Jan.)

Publishers Weekly

Bethany Webster is a true cheerleader for women embarking on the long, harrowing journey of birthing their authentic self. A helpful guide for recovering Good Girls laboring to do the heroic work of healing the Mother Wound.” — Jasmin Lee Cori, MS, LPC, author of The Emotionally Absent Mother

“With soulfulness and grace, Bethany Webster encourages women to break the intergenerational ties that bind daughters to patriarchal mothers who could not and did not mother them positively, and who may feel betrayed or become enraged as their daughter dares to become her own self.” — Phyllis Chesler, author of Women and Madness and A Politically Incorrect Feminist

“Webster has created a comprehensive mapping of the toxic mother-daughter dynamic, its shaping of the daughter’s ‘script,’ and how the daughter may rescue her journey and outgrow the limitations of her childhood experience by accessing her own ‘Inner Mother.’ This book is most insightful and urgently needed.” — James Hollis, Ph.D., Jungian analyst, and author of Living Between Worlds: Finding Personal Resilience in Changing Times

"This book is essential for mothers who struggle to understand their own pain and for daughters who need to finally break free of the projections of their own wounded mothers. Bethany’s work has helped my own inner child to feel more deeply understood." — Lisa A. Romano, codependency recovery life coach

"This has to be one of the most impactful, sincere, and enlightening books I have ever read." — Leslie Arreola-Hillenbrand, founder, Latinx Parenting

"Disentangling ourselves from the traumas of patriarchy can paradoxically involve separating from mothers who bequeathed to us toxic resentments, frustrations and limitations, and dysfunctional survival mechanisms. Bethany Webster explores with nuance and sensitivity how we can free ourselves to become who we really are." — Perdita Finn, co-author (with Clark Strand) of The Way of the Rose

“Discovering the Inner Mother is a powerful contribution to women’s leadership at a crucial historic moment.” — Ophira Edut, CEO and founder, Astrostyle, and author of Body Outlaws

“Discovering the Inner Mother is smart, thoughtful and serves not only as a map on how to unpack and disrupt cycles of dysfunction, but it gives daughters a way to reframe the disappointments we’ve watched our mothers haul around on their backs for years and in turn, the gift of true compassion for us all. I loved Bethany Webster’s book.” — Chely Wright, songwriter, musician, and author of Like Me

“Webster candidly shares her own transformative journey and offers questions for reflection and exercises to allow readers to better come to terms with their past… Those with estranged or difficult relationships with their mothers will find affirmation. ” — Library Journal

From the Publisher

"This book is essential for mothers who struggle to understand their own pain and for daughters who need to finally break free of the projections of their own wounded mothers. Bethany’s work has helped my own inner child to feel more deeply understood."

Lisa A. Romano

"Disentangling ourselves from the traumas of patriarchy can paradoxically involve separating from mothers who bequeathed to us toxic resentments, frustrations and limitations, and dysfunctional survival mechanisms. Bethany Webster explores with nuance and sensitivity how we can free ourselves to become who we really are."

Perdita Finn

Webster has created a comprehensive mapping of the toxic mother-daughter dynamic, its shaping of the daughter’s ‘script,’ and how the daughter may rescue her journey and outgrow the limitations of her childhood experience by accessing her own ‘Inner Mother.’ This book is most insightful and urgently needed.

James Hollis

"This has to be one of the most impactful, sincere, and enlightening books I have ever read."

Leslie Arreola-Hillenbrand

With soulfulness and grace, Bethany Webster encourages women to break the intergenerational ties that bind daughters to patriarchal mothers who could not and did not mother them positively, and who may feel betrayed or become enraged as their daughter dares to become her own self.

Phyllis Chesler

Bethany Webster is a true cheerleader for women embarking on the long, harrowing journey of birthing their authentic self. A helpful guide for recovering Good Girls laboring to do the heroic work of healing the Mother Wound.

Jasmin Lee Cori

Discovering the Inner Mother is a powerful contribution to women’s leadership at a crucial historic moment.

Ophira Edut

Discovering the Inner Mother is smart, thoughtful and serves not only as a map on how to unpack and disrupt cycles of dysfunction, but it gives daughters a way to reframe the disappointments we’ve watched our mothers haul around on their backs for years and in turn, the gift of true compassion for us all. I loved Bethany Webster’s book.

Chely Wright

11/13/2020

In her debut book, writer and life coach Webster presents a guide to help women recognize, address, and heal their "mother wound," defined by the author as "a set of internalized limiting beliefs…that originate from the early dynamics with our mothers." While sons can have mother wounds, this volume focuses on those experienced by daughters. Healing one's mother wound requires women to shift from needing external approval to relying instead on inner acceptance, providing them with the nurturing and support that may not have been possible from their own mothers owing to patriarchal limitations in society. When individuals work to heal their mother wounds, the author maintains, true growth and connection with others are possible, which eventually leads to larger societal change. Webster candidly shares her own transformative journey and offers questions for reflection and exercises to allow readers to better come to terms with their past, but those looking for more in-depth guidance or information on how to avoid inflicting a mother wound on their children may have to supplement elsewhere. VERDICT Those with estranged or difficult relationships with their mothers will find affirmation. Good for collections strong in feminist works or the psychology of family dynamics.—Anitra Gates, Erie Cty. P.L., PA

Library Journal