Table of Contents
Introduction: Conflict in Life is Inevitable xvii
No Two Conflicts are Alike xviii
Conflict Aftermath xx
Chapter 1 The Conflict Conundrum 1
The Source of Conflict 3
Questions Worth Asking 4
Let's Use the Term "Adversary" 6
Chapter 2 The Four Factors 9
Factor #1 Decide What You Really Want 10
Factor #2 Know the Risks 13
Factor #3 Empathize With Your Adversary 15
Factor #4 Expect the Win 19
Applying The Four Factors 22
Chapter 3 The Three Mistakes 23
Mistake #1 Casting Blame 23
Mistake #2 Making a Snap Decision 25
Mistake #3 Insisting on a Compromise 26
Chapter 4 The Two Choices 29
To Escalate 29
To De-Escalate 30
Chapter 5 Case Studies in Conflict 33
Buy Two Jars of Peanut Butter: 35
Imagine an easy answer to conflict
Honor the Chain Of Command: 38
Conflict within an organizational chart
Be Ready to Walk Away: 43
Eliminate car-buying conflicts
Value Relationship over the Dispute: 47
When friends are in conflict
Trust the Larger Promise: 51
A lesson in conflict management from Abraham
Systematic Diplomacy: 57
High-stakes conflicts in union negotiations
Hit Bottom Together: 62
Marriage conflicts can lead to marriage milestones
Sidestep Quibbles: 68
How to avoid most minor relational conflicts
Accept the Possibility of the Worst-Case Scenario: 72
How confidence overcomes conflict
Be a Calm, Heroic Mentor: 76
Cover conflicts with empathy and grace
Say, "I Need Your Help": 81
Don't assume conflict
Admit When You're Wrong: 84
When conflict conies full circle
The Bridezilla Exception: 88
One-time allowances for irregular conflicts
Draw in the Sand: 93
Bring calm to the conflict
Heed Advice from the Kid Next Door: 97
Healing conflicts from years past
Earn the Right to Say What Needs to be Said: 102
Conflicts with your teenager
Imagine How God Will Use You: 107
Conflict as training from a hero's perspective
Escape the Echo Chamber: 111
Seek conflict to be your best self
The Instant Sincere Apology: 115
Curtail conflict on the spot
Reach for a New Level of Excellence: 118
Embrace conflict as motivation
The Church Divided: 122
Speak truth into, any conflict with eternal implications
The Sports Conflict Paradox: 127
Reversing positive and negative conflict
Chapter 6 Skills to Build 133
Active Listening: 134
First rule of conflict
Use Encouraging Language: 136
Words add to or subtract from conflict
Watch Your Tone and Body Language: 138
Conflict beyond words
Apply Humor: 140
Conflict can't stand up to laughter
Give Kids a Break: 143
Conflict as a learning tool
Shine Light in the Shadows: 145
Bring the conflict out into the open
Match Their Emotions: 146
Get on the same side of any conflict
Don't Just Paint Over It: 148
Kill the conflict for keeps
Recognize the Barriers to Reconciliation: 149
Discern your own part in the conflict
One-On-One Reconciliation: 152
When sin puts you in conflict with another believer
Skip Revenge: 154
Respond to conflict with kindness
Terminate Toxicity: 155
When conflict is part of their DNA
Know Thine Enemy: 157
Championing conflict
Chapter 7 Tactics and Tricks 161
Call in a Favor 162
Play Hardball 163
Pass the Buck 163
Make the First Offer 164
Ask a Favor 165
Interrupt the Pattern 165
Tit for Tat 167
Kill Your Darlings 167
Change Minds via Social Media 168
Speak Last 169
Avoid the Quick Correction 170
Yield Unexpectedly 171
Be Human 172
Chapter 8 A Way of Life 173
On Being First 174
On Choosing Conflict 178
