Table of Contents
Acknowledgments xiii
Foreword George H. W. Bush xv
Introduction xvii
I Know My Own and My Own Know Me 1
A Midwestern Boyhood 3
Stealing the Baby Jesus 3
Boyhood in the Midwest 4
The Horse in the Kitchen 6
Halloween 9
Revising Your Map 10
Strip Poker 11
Meet Stupid 12
Charlie and Kelly 14
If It Hadn't Been for Your Mother 15
When the Roof Falls In 17
Family Secrets 20
Father Foote 21
I Found You Just in Time 24
Here Owl, Here Owl 27
This One's for George 28
Marian Smith Miller 30
I Love You the Most 31
The McKennas 32
Broadway Bound 34
Miss Iowa Pageant 35
University of Washington 36
Lambda Chi 37
The Evidence Is Found in My Smile 37
Dine and Dash 38
Marta 38
A Change in Direction 38
What a Waste 39
Seminary 41
Let Us Pray 42
"Jesus Loves Me, This I Know" 42
Preaching Class 43
Rant and Chant 43
God's Imperfect Jewel 43
The Seminary Gun Club 45
Are You Happy Here? 48
The Seminary Tradition 49
Singing in the Pulpit 49
Loving the Questions 49
Youth Groups 50
By Any Means Necessary 51
St. Francis 52
The Cigar Box 52
Angels 54
Leaving Seminary 55
It Gives Us All Hope! 55
St. Mark's Barrington Hills 57
Ordination 57
Mink and Manure 58
Doing Donuts 59
Clueless 60
Taking Up the Collection 60
The Blessing of the Hounds 61
The Skateboard Sermon 61
Diving into the Pulpit 61
Wearing Your Collar 61
Super Stud 62
The Black Eye 63
Could I Speak to You a Moment? 64
Mimi 64
Farewell to Barrington 65
St. Columba's 67
Sargent House 67
The Fletchers 68
Esther's Cold Remedy 68
With Gratitude to George F. Will 68
The Nursery School 69
"Pennies for Heaven" 70
Don't Look Now! 70
Mop and Glow 70
Ick! 70
A Special Guest 71
Christmas Pageants: The First Family Meets the Holy Family 71
Children's Sermons: With a Little Help from President Bush 72
Sunday School 74
With Thanks to Barbara Bush 74
Driving to an Early Grave 77
Up from the Ground 77
I Can Rhyme Too! 78
It Didn't Work 78
Uh Oh! 79
The Meeting Gene 79
The Front Lines 79
Trip to Iona 80
Giants on the Earth 81
Ramer 84
Zazu 85
The Call to Be a School Chaplain 86
Farewell to the People of St. Columba's 86
St. Albans School 89
The First Day 89
Learning to Teach 90
The Filioque Clause 91
Stream of Consciousness 92
The Devil 92
Understanding the Liturgy 93
A Birthday Surprise 93
Show-and-Tell 94
The Seven Dwarfs 94
"Good Morning, Kid, and Welcome to Reality" 94
Writing Their Own Theology 95
Scratch 'n' Sniff 97
Everyone's a Believer 97
Adam, Eve, and Steve 98
The Three Best Reasons to Be a Teacher 99
A New Chapel Model 103
The Chaplain's Office 104
Funny Kid Stories 105
Bedlam of Eccentricities: The Faculty and Staff 110
The Look 114
The Red Reverends 115
A Fifty-Yard Pass Completion 116
The Gift 117
Gentleman Jack 117
The Snake and the Shrink 118
A Compassionate Institution 119
The Green Coat 120
On Being a Mentor 121
Sports: The LAX Rev 122
Holy Sh*t! 123
Sin Is Fun! 123
Grandparents Day 126
The Greatest Generation 127
School as Parish 128
Losses and Other Tragedies 128
A Selection of Homilies 144
Washington National Cathedral 161
An Appointment with the Verger 161
The A Form Class 162
Effi Barry Funeral 164
The Liturgical Police 165
The Baptismal Font 166
Serving on the PECF 167
The Book of Bill 167
On Top of the World 169
Cathedral Acolytes 170
The Stone Carvers 172
The Groundskeepers 172
A First for Me 173
Retirement (Sort Of) 175
DeCarlo's 176
Rise, Take Up Your Bed, and Walk 177
John and Johnny 177
Water Aerobics 180
After Thirty Years 180
Retirement Reflections 183
Parish Problems 184
Pets 184
Pets in Church 185
Welcome to LA 187
All Saints Episcopal Church, Beverly Hills 188
Famous and Homeless 189
Gino 192
The Champagne Music Makers 193
Good Morning, ES-LA! 194
"So, What Do You Think?" A Homily at ES-LA, Easter 2016 196
Wacky Wednesday 197
The Thornado 198
Hatch, Match, and Dispatch 201
Hatch 201
Match 205
Dispatch 213
The Really Unexpected 216
Passages 216
Too Much Information 217
Oh, Katryna! Remember When We Were Rich? 217
For Katryna 221
Johnny Apple 222
The 2 Percent Factor 223
Interfaith Services 224
Beats the Alternative? 226
Legacy 227
The Final Curtain 229
