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Overview
Sarah Mae wants to let you in on a little secret about being a good homemaker: It’s not about having a clean house. She’d never claim to be a natural, organized cleaner herself—yet, like you, she wants a beautiful space to call home, a place where people feel loved and at peace. Where people can really settle in with good food, comfy pillows, and wide-open hearts.
Is it possible to find a balance? To care for your heart—and your home—at the same time?
Journey with Sarah Mae on this easy, practical 31-day plan to get you moving and have your house looking and feeling fresh. But even more than that, you’ll gain a new vision for the home of your dreams, and how to make it a place of peace, comfort, and community. Originally published as the e-book 31 Days to Clean and now revised and expanded in print for the first time, Having a Martha Home the Mary Way will inspire you to find a happier, healthier . . . cleaner way to live.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781496412515 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Tyndale House Publishers |
| Publication date: | 03/01/2016 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 256 |
| File size: | 4 MB |
About the Author
C. S. E. Cooney launched her voice-acting career narrating short fiction for Podcastle, the world's first audio fantasy magazine. She is a performance poet, singer-songwriter, and fantasy author whose collection Bone Swans has garnered starred reviews from Publishers Weekly and Locus Magazine.
Read an Excerpt
Having a Martha Home the Mary Way
31 Days to a Clean House and a Satisfied Soul
By Sarah Mae
Tyndale House Publishers
Copyright © 2016 Sarah MaeAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4143-7262-4
CHAPTER 1
Gentle Homemaking
AN INTRODUCTION
I USED TO THINK that if my home was clean, I was a good homemaker.
Over the years, as I've reflected on my life and have recalled memories of growing up, I've come to the conclusion that it is not a clean house that defines good homemaking, but rather a warm, inviting place that is filled with love.
As a matter of fact, I would prefer to get rid of the word good altogether and replace it with gentle. I want to cultivate the art of "gentle homemaking," which is the ability to be gentle and kind with ourselves in the process of making and keeping a home while being gentle and kind to those around us.
It's so easy to beat ourselves up as well as cast blame on those closest to us, isn't it? We are quick to condemn ourselves and our efforts when things don't work out the way we envisioned. And once we feel frustrated with ourselves, it's a natural progression to accuse those around us. Our husbands and children can so easily get the brunt of our own feelings of inadequacy. I have often accused myself of being a homemaking failure. But you know, the only thing those condemning voices do is paralyze us from getting on with our lives, trusting God in our weaknesses, and moving forward in faith.
When we can move forward without the condemnation of our sometimes meager efforts, we can become better, gentler homemakers and lovers of others.
Now as to the actual chaos and practical business of homemaking, I have found that loving others and creating peace happens when there is less mess.
When I can't walk from the bedroom door to my child's bed without stepping on something, there is chaos.
When I walk into the kitchen and it's too messy to make a nutritious meal (who wants to cook in a mess?), my family misses out on a good meal prepared by me.
When I get up in the morning and can't find something to wear because I didn't do laundry again, I feel out of sorts and cranky. Or I'm late for an appointment because I have to search high and low for something I can throw on to make me presentable.
The point is, when we have less chaos in the house (via a mess), we have less chaos in our souls, and when we have less chaos in our souls, we have more energy and capacity to love.
How Does a Clean(ish) Home Love Others Well?
Love can be (and usually is) very practical. When I make sure I have clothes for my kids to wear, I have loved them practically. When I can get into the kitchen and cook good meals, I have loved my family practically. When I can extend a spur-of-the-moment invitation to a friend who needs to talk, and the surroundings are inviting, I have loved her practically.
Can we love our family and others who come into our home if everything is in a jumble? Of course! This book isn't a legalistic, do-exactly-as-I-say-or-else approach because I know firsthand that a messy home doesn't define who we are. I am simply offering possible ways to add more serenity and minimize the disarray in our homes. My goal with this book and with my life is not to worry about being a homemaker who rocks at cleaning, but rather resolve to be a homemaker who is kind and gentle and has a quiet soul and an available home. Maybe you want that as well?
Let's do that; let's journey together in learning how to quiet our souls, love well, and care for our homes practically.
Why Would a Woman Who Doesn't Like Cleaning Write a Book about Cleaning?
Simply because I wanted to encourage women in the life-giving beauty of homemaking without the guilt involved.
There are enough voices out there telling us to "just do it!" I am writing from the perspective of a woman who isn't a natural cleaner, but who wants to persevere in the traditions of homemaking. I do not believe homemaking is a dying art; rather, it is a time-tested skill that when cultivated creates a womb-like environment where life is nourished.
At its heart, Having a Martha Home the Mary Way is really about just that — the heart. It is about releasing any personal guilt and shame you are carrying and embracing the truth that your "good enough" has nothing to do with your cleaning abilities. Many of us need to hear that we don't have to get it all together to be good and loving. Our worth begins when we find our identity in the One who says, "By a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified" (Hebrews 10:14, ESV).
I love the freedom that comes from knowing I am already — from eternity's perspective — perfect and complete, for all time. I don't have to do better or be better; I just need to walk faithfully with my God as He molds me. And so do you.
You can keep and care for your home one step at a time, however imperfectly. You wear imperfect flesh, but you have a perfect soul if you know Him. The blood covers the ugly.
If you struggle with maintaining your house, you get overwhelmed, and you wish you had a maid (I'm praying for one for you!), don't let those feelings define you or get you stuck. Give them to God and walk in His steps as He goes before you.
I'm in this with you, and together, with Him and our hearts set on eternity, we can persevere!
CHAPTER 2What Dos It Mean to Have a Martha House the Mary Way?
SUCH A FUN PLAY on words, isn't it? I wish it were my idea but I can't take the credit.
Before I wrote the first edition of this book, I had taken readers through a 31 Days to Clean blog series in which the biblical sisters Mary and Martha were not included. It was just me, offering encouragement to my readers before getting to the business of cleaning. However, when I decided to turn the blog series into an e-book, I asked my readers to help me come up with a subtitle. Beth Buster brilliantly came up with Having a Martha House the Mary Way.
In the original e-book, I had meshed everything together but Christin Slade encouraged me to make the Mary and Martha challenges separate from the main entry. These generous women helped shape the book into the inspiring resource you are holding in your hands. Thank you both so much!
And now, that subtitle (slightly tweaked) has become the title of this updated edition.
The Story of Mary and Martha
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." LUKE 10:38-42, ESV
As I have studied the interactions between Martha and Mary, I have come not only to appreciate differences in personalities, but also to love the differences that make all of us who we are.
Some of us relate to Martha, the industrious, hardworking woman who is taking care of business, sometimes to the detriment of relationships. Some of us relate to Mary, the woman who would rather sit and be with the company than help with the work. There are admirable things about both of these women, but as we examine the story more closely, we can see how wise Mary's choices were. Let's look together.
Just for fun I decided to profile Mary and Martha, based on the accounts where they are mentioned — in Luke 10 above as well as John 11:1-44 and John 12:1-8. The profiles I've drawn up, though based on what we're told in the Bible, are expansions of my own perceptions of their personalities, so please keep that in mind.
Martha
It is a widely held belief that Martha is the older sister. It seems as though she has taken on the role of mother to her siblings, Mary and Lazarus, since no living parents are mentioned. She takes care of business, but it's evident that the weight of her family responsibilities is taking a toll on her. But that doesn't stop her. She is strong, keeps busy, and doesn't have time to mince words. She is bold, but sometimes forgets herself and doesn't always filter her responses. Martha doesn't seem to conform to the expectations of the culture, where women are submissive and quiet and know their place. She says what she thinks and can be demanding. She also knows when it's safe to be herself. She knows who Jesus is and has great faith in Him. But she is also troubled and anxious because she is the caretaker of the family; it hasn't quite sunk into her heart that God has promised and can be trusted to provide for them.
MARTHA'S KEY VERSES:
[Jesus said,] "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." LUKE 10:41-42, ESV
Jesus said to [Martha], "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?" She said to him, "Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world." JOHN 11 125-27, ESV
Jesus said, "Take away the stone. "Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, "Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days." JOHN 11:39, ESV
Mary
Mary, the apparent younger sister, is quiet and patient and exhibits great self-control. She wants to learn, and ponders what she hears. She understands what it means to be in the presence of Jesus, and she doesn't take it for granted. Mary allows herself to be vulnerable, and she is filled up inside with emotion, which she releases at the proper time. She is wise and faithful, and she knows what really matters. Her heart is laid bare, and she doesn't care who sees because she just wants Jesus.
MARY'S KEY VERSES:
Mary ... sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching, LUKE 10:39, ESV
[Jesus said,] "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." LUKE 10:41-42, ESV
[Martha] went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, "The Teacher is here and is calling for you. " And when [Mary] heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. ... Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died" When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit. JOHN 11:28-29, 32-33, ESV
Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. JOHN 12:3, ESV
I can't wait to meet these women in heaven one day! What a joy it will be to truly get to know them.
Here's the lovely thing we learn from John's Gospel: "Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus" (John 11:5, emphasis added). That fact is evident through all of these Scripture snapshots, both in Jesus' words and His actions toward them. Jesus loved these women. He loved their whole family.
And so it is with us. We don't have to have a certain "right" personality to be loved. Jesus loves us as we are. But one way He shows His love to us is to uncover us, because He sees into the deep places where our wounds and worries are hidden. He knows each one of them, and He wants us to be free from their grip and be whole.
As we go through these next thirty-one days, I want you to love who you are and yet be able to let Jesus into the hard places. I want you to sit with Him and let Him heal you, so you can be whole.
This is why there are Mary and Martha challenges. First, we get our hearts right before the Lord, and then we can tackle the practical business.
So yes, let's work toward having a Martha-like home, but let's do it the Mary way, with our hearts focused first on Jesus. May we begin each day with this prayer: "My choice is you, God, first and only" (Psalm 16:5, MSG).
CHAPTER 3My Story
IT WAS DARK AND we were in the car outside of an ice cream shop. Tears were fresh on my cheeks. My sister-in-law, Renee, and I had set out to pick up some milk, but more was to come out of that trip than picking up a few gallons of dairy products.
I was crying because my heart hurt deeply; the feelings of not being a good enough wife were eating me up, and I didn't know what to do. I told my sister-in-law that I thought my husband, Jesse, would rather be married to someone else, someone better, who was good at cleaning. "I have this friend," I said through my tears, "who gets up early, is efficient, and is so good at cleaning and getting things done. I'm sure Jesse wishes I was like her. I'm such a failure."
As Renee began to speak life-giving truth to me, my mind raced, trying to rewind the events that had brought me to this point of brokenness and disappointment in myself.
An Inclination toward Messy ... Plus Babies and Aprons
Nearly all of my childhood, after my parents divorced, I lived with my dad and stepmom. My stepmom cleaned everything except my room; I never even washed a dish. In fact, I didn't do my own laundry until I was fourteen and living with my mom.
Under my dad's roof, I was expected to keep my room fairly clean. If I let it get too messy, I would find a note from him on my bed saying something like, "YOU MAY NOT GO TO YOUNG LIFE OR DO ANYTHING UNTIL THIS ROOM IS CLEAN. Love, Dad." He rarely came down hard on me, but he did want me to take care of my room. When I moved in with my mom, it was a whole new ball game. I could keep my room in whatever state I liked; my mom didn't care about it at all. I had freedom! I don't think I was terribly messy, but I didn't put much stock in tidy surroundings.
Once I got to college, my true colors really came out. I roomed with a gal who was extremely neat, and it became clear immediately that I wasn't. I remember her actually taking tape and creating a line midway across the top of the vanity between her side and mine so my mess wouldn't creep over to her organized side. She was mostly gracious, but I'm pretty sure I drove her crazy.
The next place I lived, I had another roommate who kept things spotless, and again, I had to work hard to do my part. Finally, my junior year, I moved in with a gal who was just like me, if not worse. Our one-bedroom apartment always looked like a bomb had gone off in it.
One morning while we were still in our beds, we heard the front door to our apartment open. We looked at each other, and then my roomie threw the covers over her head thinking that it would be a cue for the unexpected visitor to go away. I started to get my defensive hackles up when all of a sudden we heard, "Ahhh ... ohhh ... uhhh ... groan." What in the world?
I opened our bedroom door to find our landlady bleeding on the bathroom floor, in a pile of our mess. She had tripped over our clutter in the hallway, veered off, and hit her head on the bathroom sink. Talk about embarrassing! She was there for some sort of routine maintenance check, which apparently we had been advised of in a mailed notice that was most certainly in the papers strewn all over the floor. If I had known of the upcoming visit by actually reading the paper, I would have cleaned up a bit. Really.
Of course, the upside for my roomie and me was the assurance that if someone did decide to break into the apartment, the intruder would probably end up in a bloody heap before doing any harm.
Fast-forward to my first year of marriage. Jesse and I lived in the small apartment that my messy roomie and I had shared — she had moved out and I stayed. I tried to keep it nice for my husband. My biggest issue was papers and junk that all ended up on the dining room table. And I always had a messy kitchen. But still, in my opinion, it wasn't too terrible. My husband and I were stretching into our new lives together, learning about each other, and just enjoying the freedom that marriage brings. It wasn't until I got pregnant that things got ugly really fast.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Having a Martha Home the Mary Way by Sarah Mae. Copyright © 2016 Sarah Mae. Excerpted by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Foreword by Logan Wolfram, ix,Gentle Homemaking: An Introduction, xiii,
What Does It Mean to Have a Martha House the Mary Way?, xvii,
My Story, 1,
How to Use This Book, 11,
DAY 0: Prep Day!, 15,
DAY 1: Lifting Life above Mere Existence, 17,
DAY 2: Define Your Vision, 25,
DAY 3: Rhythm Priorities, 33,
DAY 4: Developing a Workable Routine, 43,
DAY 5: The Six List: The $25,000 Piece of Advice, 49,
DAY 6: Overcoming the Curse, 57,
DAY 7: Your Cleaning Style, 63,
DAY 8: Making Your Personality Work for You, 69,
DAY 9: Tornado Cleaning, 77,
DAY 10: Slow and Steady, 85,
DAY 11: A Place to Put Your Feet Up, 89,
DAY 12: Feeling Overwhelmed, 95,
DAY 13: Purge, Baby, Purge, 101,
DAY 14: The Toy Situation, 107,
DAY 15: Kids and Cleaning, 113,
DAY 16: I'd Rather Do Anything but Clean (When the Bones Are Feeling Lazy), 119,
DAY 17: Finding Joy in the Self-Disciplined Life, 125,
DAY 18: Grace for Those Days, 131,
DAY 19: Fighting Fatigue, 137,
DAY 20: Distractions, 145,
DAY 21: Limitations (Life Is Hard), 149,
DAY 22: Diligence and Willing Hands, 155,
DAY 23: Time, 161,
DAY 24: Help! To Hire or Not to Hire, 169,
DAY 25: The Thing We All Have in Common, 173,
DAY 26: The High-Low Cycle, 179,
DAY 27: Laundry Blues, 183,
DAY 28: Who Are You Trying to Please?, 191,
DAY 29: What I Would Say to My Younger Self about Cleaning, 197,
DAY 30: Contentment in Your Season of Life, 205,
DAY 31: Balancing It All, 209,
Is Messiness a Morality Issue?, 213,
A Word about Guilt, 215,
Ten Quick Tips for the Decorating Challenged, 217,
Four Handy Dandy Quick Tips to Help You in Your Cleaning Efforts, 221,
Acknowledgments, 225,
Notes, 227,
About the Author, 229,