How to Tame the Tumbles: The Mindful Self-Compassionate Way
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How to Tame the Tumbles: The Mindful Self-Compassionate Way
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781771613873 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Mosaic Press |
| Publication date: | 08/30/2019 |
| Sold by: | INDEPENDENT PUB GROUP - EPUB - EBKS |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 88 |
| File size: | 2 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Only One Friend Left
There was a little girl whose name was Isabella Esmeralda Anastasia Pookapoo. She lived with her Mommy and Papa not too far from where you live. The only friend she had left shared her bed with her every night. His name was Pookie and he was the family dog.
Why was her dog the only friend she had left? There were three reasons. The first reason was Isabella didn't like anyone telling her what to do. The second reason was she wanted to be the best at everything she tried. And, the third reason was Isabella wanted to be the boss of everyone and everything. I'm sure you know that's just not the way the world works. Big trouble was headed her way. Soon Isabella would find out exactly what that big trouble was.
What Isabella wanted was not what she got and she spent a lot of her time feeling mad. When the sun was too hot, she got mad. When it rained, she got mad. When her sandwich wasn't made the way she liked it, she got mad. And when she wasn't allowed to stay up as late as she wanted to ... guess what? Isabella got mad.
When Isabella got mad at home, she would cry and scream and holler and stomp her feet. And then, mean, hurtful and unkind words would start falling right out of her mouth. I'm not going to tell you the words she said. I am sure you can guess what some of them might be.
"Her friends at school liked Isabella because sometimes she could be quite funny. Sometimes she could even be kind."
But when Isabella started to behave the same way with her friends as she did with her parents, especially if she didn't like the games they wanted to play, or if one of them could skip faster than she could, big trouble finally caught up with her.
One day at recess, while playing tag, a friend tagged her. Isabella refused to be it. She said if this friend didn't go tag someone else right away, she would tell everyone this girl's breath smelled like a dog's fart and she still wore diapers to bed!
Of course, the girl started crying. And when all the kids came over to find out what was wrong, she was brave. She told them exactly what Isabella had said to her.
Well, that was it! No one wanted to play with Isabella after that. So now you know why she only had one friend.
"The only reason her dog was still her friend was because he had a kind heart."
Pookie knew Isabella was unhappy. Sometimes at night, he could hear her crying. He sure hoped her parents could find a way to help her.
CHAPTER 2What's a Tumble Problem?
Isabella jumped down from the school bus and ran into her apartment building. She ran up two flights of stairs. She was crying. When she unlocked the front door, she was so glad to see her Mommy and Papa were home from work. Isabella ran over to them. They could easily see she was crying. Her tears were so big they rolled down the middle of her cheeks and wet the underside of her chin.
"What are the tears about Isabella?" Mommy asked.
"What's wrong?" Papa asked.
"I'll tell you what's wrong. Nobody wants to play with me, that's what's wrong! All my friends hate me."
"How do you know that Isabella?" Papa asked.
"Well, do your friends make faces at you Papa? Do they laugh and point at you? Do they say, "here comes Meanie Poo – run for your lives" when they see you coming? Well, do they Papa?"
"Well, no, they don't," he answered.
"Well mine do," Isabella shouted. And with that, she fell down to the floor and cried and cried and cried.
Her Mommy sat down on the floor and hugged her. Next Papa sat down on the floor and hugged her. It took a long time for her sobs to turn into sniffles but when they did, her Mommy gave Isabella a few tissues to blow her stuffed up nose.
With knowing look faces, both parents nodded their heads up and down. Mr. Pookapoo had often behaved exactly like Isabella did when he was a kid, and he did so even when he was much older. Fortunately for him, he developed a plan that helped him to be more of the funny, kind person he really was.
Because of his experience Papa knew Isabella would have to work hard at learning ways to be with her big feelings of anger and upset when the world wasn't the way she wanted it to be. Now was the time. She had no friends left to play with and she wanted some. She was also the right age to participate in the plan.
Her Mommy and Papa sat silently for a few minutes. Isabella wondered what would happen next. Her Papa was the first to break the silence. "We have known for a long time that you have a tumble problem," he said.
"Isabella scrunched up her tear-stained face and scratched her head, "What's a tumble problem?"
"Okay," said her Papa, "let me explain it to you this way.
"The word tumble, means to fall. When you get mad Isabella mean, hurtful and unkind words fall out of your mouth."
That's true thought Isabella. That does happen.
"And, now your friends have had enough. They don't want to play with you and now they're being mean to you."
"You are in a tough situation Isabella that needs to be figured out.
"A tough situation that needs to be figured out is called a problem. So, when you put the two words together, tumble and problem, you get tumble problem."
Pookie had been pretending he was fast asleep on the couch as all this crying, hugging and talking was going on. He quite liked what Mr. Pookapoo had said. Pookie also thought Mr. Pookapoo had explained it very well.
Now Isabella's Mommy took a turn talking. "It's not so much that you get mad Isabella. Everybody gets mad sometimes. It's that you say mean things to people when you do. That is never okay. I think that's why kids are calling you a Meanie Poo. You often act like one!"
Of course Isabella started crying again. She was remembering how embarrassed she had felt when all the kids had laughed at her. Most of all, she was crying because she liked having friends and now she didn't have any. She felt hopeless inside.
Pookie stopped pretending he was fast asleep. He stood up on his paws, gave himself a shake and ran over to Isabella. He nuzzled his little black nose into the crook of her neck; then began licking the tears off her face. Pookie was trying desperately to comfort Isabella; and, to let her know that just because she thought she didn't have any friends left; it wasn't true. He was still her friend.
"Thoughts are not always facts."
"Pookie also knew hopeless feelings don't last forever. Feelings like that can often change quickly ... just like the weather."
CHAPTER 3Surprised Big Time
Pookie was so right. Isabella didn't have to feel hopeless for long. What her Papa said next almost knocked her socks right off. Isabella was surprised big time!
"When I was a kid Isabella, no one wanted to play with me either. I had a bad case of the tumbles, even worse than you have. I know it'll get better for you; it did for me." "You had a tumble problem too?"
"I sure did," her Papa answered.
"Even worse than me?"
"Absolutely," he said. "And, I'll tell you something else Isabella.
"There are over 7 billion people in the world. Thousands and thousands of them, kids and grown-ups too, have tumble problems."
So you see, there are thousands of people who often act like Meanie Poos too."
"Wow!" exclaimed Isabella. "That's a lot of people who may not have any friends to play with."
"That's true," said her Mommy. "So you see Isabella, you're not alone. And, if your Papa hadn't learned ways to have less tumbles, ... he'd still be one of those grown-ups who often acts like aMeanie Poo today."
"How come your parents didn't help you when you were a kid Papa?" asked Isabella.
"They tried their best. They read books and asked lots of experts what to do. They were told that time-out was the answer to my problem. So that's what they did."
"What's time-out Papa?" asked Isabella.
"Let me explain it to you this way. When I had the tumbles, my parents would tell me to go to my room.
I wouldn't do it. I'd be carried to my room, kicking and screaming. I would scream and cry and even throw things around in there. When I was finally quiet, my parents would tell me I could come out. That's time-out."
"Did it help to stop the tumbles?" asked Isabella.
"No." said her Papa.
"What did you learn?" asked Isabella.
"I learned how to be quiet so I could get out of my room!"
Isabella's tearful face wasn't looking quite as sad anymore. She looked up at her Papa and said, "I think I have a tumble problem too, just like you had Papa."
"Would you like us to help you with that?" her Papa asked.
Isabella nodded her head up and down and smiled.
Pookie had been sitting quietly nearby and listening to every word felt a smile forming inside his heart. Pookie knew what her parents had just said to Isabella would help her feel a lot better inside. Now Isabella knew two things she didn't know before. One, she wasn't the only one who had a tumble problem and often acted like a Meanie Poo and two, there was hope she might get her friends back.
"How did you stop getting mad Papa?" asked Isabella.
"Oh ... I've never stopped getting mad. I've just mostly stopped having the tumbles when I get mad. I have learned how to be with my mad feelings, without my mad feelings being the boss of me."
That way, I have a better chance of not saying mean things I'll regret later," her Papa answered. "And tomorrow is a good day for us to start practicing. It's Saturday and we'll all be home."
"Begin practicing for what?" asked Isabella.
"Begin practicing ways to tame the tumbles of course," answered her Mommy. "But that's enough talking for now. Let's have a snack."
Pookie's short, stubby white tail started wagging furiously. He was delighted to hear Mrs. Pookapoo say snack; it meant he would be getting something to eat. He was happy about that. His tummy had been making empty rumbling sounds for quite awhile.
CHAPTER 4Go Slow to Go Fast
Today was Saturday and was the day Isabella was to begin learning ways that might help get her friends back. She jumped out of bed quickly and almost knocked Pookie to the floor. She ran straight into her parent's bedroom. Unfortunately, it was only 5:00 AM and her parents were fast asleep. She ordered them to wake up. Her Mommy opened one eye and told her to go back into her bedroom and color or read or something, until their alarm clock rang at 6:30.
As she waited for the alarm to go off, she was growing more and more impatient. It was taking such a long time. Finally she couldn't stand it anymore. She threw her crayons on her bedroom floor, ran right into their bedroom and in a booming voice shouted, "GET OUT OF BED NOW. I WANT MY FRIENDS BACK FAST!"
Of course, her parents were now wide-awake. Isabella's voice was loud enough to wake up each and every sleeping polar bear in the Arctic Circle. However, her parents continued to stay in their bed. They were never going to allow Isabella to boss them around, no matter how loudly she screamed.
When her parents finally came out of their bedroom, her Mommy sat down beside her and quietly said, "Isabella, we don't like being shouted at. We are happy you want to learn about ways to tame the tumbles but it won't be fast. If you go too fast in the beginning when you are learning something new, you can make a lot of mistakes. And if that happens, you'll have to spend more time learning how to do it.
"Sometimes you need to go slow to go fast, Isabella."
We are going to eat breakfast and you will have to wait."
"But both of you are so slow when you eat breakfast," whined Isabella.
Her Papa took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Tumble taming is hard work Isabella and I need to eat. If I don't eat I get grouchy."
After they finished breakfast her parents asked Isabella if she had any questions about what they had talked about the night before.
"Yes, I do. What does the word tame mean?" she asked.
"Let me explain it to you this way," answered her Papa. "Do you remember when Pookie was a puppy and he would nip and scratch us when he hadn't seen us for awhile? He was so excited to see us."
"Yes, I do," said Isabella. "Sometimes his scratches really hurt."
"Well, your Mommy and I taught him ways to be with his excitement that didn't hurt people, that's what tame means. Does that help you understand?" asked her Papa."
With a puzzled look on her face, Isabella answered, "I think so."
She kind of understood how her Papa had explained it but not really. She wasn't a puppy and she didn't nip and scratch people. At least not yet!
CHAPTER 5More Talking, More Listening ... UGH
"So, let's explain a few things to you before we begin the practices," said her Mommy.
Isabella wanted action not more talking. But she would have to wait. Luckily, she was sitting on the couch in the living room with Pookie curled up on her lap. Somehow his warm body and the sound of his breathing helped with the waiting. Her parents sat across from her on separate chairs.
"Isabella," asked her Papa, "have you learned anything at school about what to do if there is a fire?"
"Yes," Isabella answered proudly. "Keep calm is what my teacher says. And we practice fire drills so we know where the exits are. And, if I catch on fire, I'm to stop, drop and roll."
"There are also ways to prevent many fires from even getting started," her Mommy added, "like never play with matches, or always blow out a lit candle before you leave a room."
Pookie knew what he would do if there was a fire – he would bark, but what about the tumble taming? He wished her parents would get to the point. Finally, Mrs. Pookapoo did.
"Just as there are ways to prevent fires from getting started Isabella, there are ways to prevent many of our tumbles from even getting started. And we practice these ways almost everyday."
"You do?" Isabella asked.
"Yes, we do. And, we have some ideas on how we can teach these ways to you."
"What kind of ways Mommy?" Isabella asked.
"Oh, we'll be doing some elevator riding practices. And, I almost forgot ... a carpentry lesson too."
"Whew! This sounds like it could be fun," thought Isabella.
"So, here's what you need to know when it comes to tumble taming," said Papa. "In the beginning, tumbles that have already started are much like a fire that is out of control. It's too late to prevent the fire or for us to put it out. We need to call the fire department for help. It's the fire fighters job to put the fire out."
Isabella's fun face turned suddenly into a worried looking face. "But, what happens to me if my tumbles have already started?" she asked.
"Who ever is home at the time will stay close to you when that happens," her Papa answered.
"You never did that before," said Isabella.
"We've thought about this Isabella and we have decided you need one of us with you," he answered. "When either Mommy or I almost get the tumbles, it feels like a small fire has started to burn inside us and it feels awful."
"You actually get the tumbles Isabella," said her Mommy.
"And when you get the tumbles, it must feel like you have a full blown forest fire raging inside you."
Her Mommy stopped talking for a moment ... then in a comforting and soothing kind of voice she said,
"If that's so Isabella, it must feel really scary inside you."Now Isabella was paying attention to what her Mommy was saying. Her parents really did understand!"
"But how can staying with me help?" asked Isabella.
"We're there beside you, to lend you our calm, until the forest fire burns out or is put out," answered her Papa."
"And, it'll be your job to let us know when you notice that has happened."
"How can I let you know that?" Isabella asked.
"How would you like to let us know?" asked her Papa.
"I could touch your hand or arm or something like that."
"Sounds good to me," said her Mommy.
"Sounds good to me," said her Papa.
"So you and Papa will be like firefighters," Isabella asked.
"And you'll stay with me until I notice the fire is out?"
"You've got it!" he said.
"We don't have sirens, fire engines or long hoses," Mommy added with a grin. "We just have love."
"But how will I notice the fire is out?"
"We hope the tumble taming plan will help you with that," said her Mommy.
"You'll just have to wait and see," said her Papa.
Pookie barked twice, as if to say, "This is really starting to get interesting."
CHAPTER 6You Can't Get It Wrong
Mommy stood up from her chair. She stretched and yawned. "I think we've all had enough talking for now," she said. "Let's have a snack first and start practicing after that."
Pookie ears perked up, his head cocked to one side and he licked his lips. He loved being part of this family; they were always hungry, just like him.
After the snack of apple pieces, graham crackers and cheese cubes, Isabella flopped down on the couch beside her Papa. He looked at her with a big smile on his face and said, "Now, I'm going to teach you about breathing."
Isabella also smiled and started to giggle, "Papa, I know how to breathe," she said.
"Not this way," he said. "This is a special way of breathing; a noticing stuff way."
"A noticing stuff way!" exclaimed Isabella. "What the heck is that?" she asked.
"Instead of telling you what it is," answered her Papa, "I'll show you. Please watch carefully."
"When I start to feel mad showing up inside me," he said, "This is what I do. I take in one breath of air through my nose and out of my nose it comes, ... and
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "How to Tame the Tumbles"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Eileen Beltzner.
Excerpted by permission of Mosaic Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Foreword,
Preface,
CHAPTER 1 – Only One Friend Left,
CHAPTER 2 – What's a Tumble Problem,
CHAPTER 3 – Surprised Big Time,
CHAPTER 4 – Go Slow to Go Fast,
CHAPTER 5 – More Talking, More Listening ... UGH,
CHAPTER 6 – You Can't Get It Wrong,
CHAPTER 7 – Elevator Riding,
CHAPTER 8 – Eyes Closed – Let's Go,
CHAPTER 9 – Mommy's Good Wishes Practice,
CHAPTER 10 – Papa's Comforting Friend Practice,
CHAPTER 11 – Carpentry Lessons,
CHAPTER 12 – What a Hug Can Do,
CHAPTER 13 – An Important Lesson,
CHAPTER 14 – Dark Clouds and Silver Linings,
About the Author,
Notes and Resources,
Acknowledgements,