Table of Contents
Foreword Samuel Shem xi
Introduction xvii
1 Firsts 1
Unforgettable 1
The Blank Slate of Delivery 2
Staying Alive 4
The Sound of Silence 7
Transitions 9
My First Patient 10
First Night Shift 11
Code Blue 12
We Are Not That Different, You and Me 16
2 Sojourner 18
Five Thousand Miles 18
Physician: Healer and Historian 19
The Journey That is Third Year 21
A Year of Firsts 26
Milk, Milk, Milk 28
Secret Languages 30
3 Islands, and the Bridges Between 34
To Flames, and Those That Fan Them 34
History-Taking Tips from Grandma 36
Letter to Wanita Armstrong 37
Your Story Could Be Mine 40
Listen to Empower 41
Intake 43
Bert 44
Out of Silence, Into Medicine 45
Oui, Je peux! 47
Ubuntu 50
4 Self-Doubt 51
F is for Anatomy 51
Knowing 52
Time Within These Walls 53
You Have Not Arrived 56
You'll Become A Fine Doctor 57
Feb 3, 2016 58
Always Remember: A Letter to Medical Students, Interns, Residents, Fellows, and Junior Faculty 59
Remember 60
Medicine: A Lifelong Journey 61
5 Coping 63
A Dawn in Fog 63
The Trainee's Interface 64
Sun Salutations 65
Stress Dreams 67
Taking A Drink From the Fire Hydrant 68
Focus 69
Fridays 71
I Am Your Doctor 71
Balance 73
… If Just For a Little While 74
In a Bubble of Happiness 74
Retained Guilt 76
The Stuff of Nightmares 77
Conflicted 77
6 Mistakes and Nadirs 79
Untitled 79
Finding Humanity 80
Foamy 85
What Medical School Has Taught Me 86
Broken 87
7 Physician, Heal Thyself 89
Fighting Flight 89
Snow Day 90
Needles and Insulin 93
Through the Dark 94
Where Do Broken Hearts Go? 96
Depth 98
Upwards and Onwards 99
8 Pulseless 102
Rigor Mortis 102
Shadow of Death 103
Death and the Intern Experience 105
Your Feet Were Cold As Ice 107
Nails 108
My Work of Breathing 110
Autopsy 111
The Red Line 113
Eyelashes 117
Preparing for Death 119
9 Prodigal 125
Code Switch 125
Dr. Wife to Mrs. Mom 126
Returning to Once Familiar Territory 128
10 Adult Dreams 131
(Un)twisted 131
Wretch: Lost, Found, and Lost Again 132
Notes to the Powers That Be 141
Lessons from the ED 142
Time 142
The Doctor's Doctor 143
Race-Based Medicine 146
Stay Alert, Stay Alive 151
Invisible Women 153
Three Days in the ICU 156
Conclusion 161
Acknowledgments 165
