Teens keep secrets. They need this privacy to resolve their own dilemmas, make their own decisions, and start down the road to becoming independent, responsible adults. Although parents can't (and shouldn't) know everything, they are right to worry about giving their children too much freedom, since teens can be attracted to dangerous behaviors.
Parenting teenagers means allowing them the freedom to explore, make mistakes, learn, and keep moving forward. Dr. Peter Sheras, an expert in adolescent development, has taught countless parents how to know when to step back, when to ask questions, and when to take definitive action. In I Can't Believe You Went Through My Stuff! he explains how pushing for information or attempting to keep teens confined in too small a box will undoubtedly result in anger, resentment, and worst of all a penchant for trouble.
The book includes solid, practical advice on:
- How you can learn more about your teenager's life without invading his privacy or losing her trust
- How to start a conversation when your teen won't talk
- What to do about lying, whether it's infrequent or often
- How to discuss family rules and establish consequences that really work
- How to tell if your teen needs professional help and where to find it
I Can't Believe You Went Through My Stuff! will give you the key to keeping your teenager safe while building a trusting, warm, and communicative relationship.
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About the Author
Read an Excerpt
In my writing and lecturing, I approach the teaching tasks with the attitude of a scientist telling good stories: Here's what happened, and here, according to our current understanding, is why it happened. This book includes many stories of adolescents and their parents. In each case, for the sake of privacy, names and other specific details do not correspond to those of real individuals I have counseled. Their stories, however, are grounded in my clinical experience and research. Over my three decades of working with children and families, the common themes that make adolescence a trying time for parent and child alike have emerged. Those themes determined the shape of this book.
Psychologists often don't want to state an interpretation of behavior or a recommendation for action until we're absolutely sure we have the thing right. The truth is, we know enough to be helpful. My job is to translate what we think we know about children into information that's genuinely useful to a parent, and that's what I hope you will find in I Can't Believe You Went Through My Stuff!
Copyright © 2004 by Peter Sheras, Ph.D., and Skylight Press
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Secrets and Privacy
How Your Teenager Starts Answering the Question "Who Am I?"
Chapter 2: The Shift to Stage 2 Parenting
Knowing Yourself and the Limits of Your Power
Chapter 3: Beginning the Conversation
How to Talk Teen
Chapter 4: Your Teenager's Life, Right Now
What You Do and (Probably) Don't Need to Know
Chapter 5: Lines in the Sand
Rules, Boundaries, and When and How to Confront Your Teen
Chapter 6: Real Trouble
Dangerous Secrets and What to Do About Them
Chapter 7: In the Wake of a Storm
Trusting Your Child Again, Repairing Your Relationship
Chapter 8: Other Kids' Secrets
When Your Teen Becomes Involved in a Friend's Private Problems
Chapter 9: Parenting Partnerships
Working Together with Your Spouse and the Other Adults in Your Teenager's World
Afterword: You and Your Teenager
What a Perfect Relationship Looks Like Isn't That Everything Goes Perfectly
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
THIS READ CONVINCED ME TO GO THROUGH MY SONS STUFF! THANK GOD I DID. I FOUND THE USUAL PORN AND KNIFE COLLECTION AND THEN I FOUND PICTURES OF MUTILATED ANIMALS. I KNOW NORMAL THINGS FOR A 13 YR OLD. BUT THE JOINT I FOUND SHOWED ME MY SON MAY NEED REHAB. IM NOT GONNA LET MY SON HEAD DOWN THAT ROAD.