The answers to all the questions you've ever had about homosexuality but were afraid to ask are finally in one book, Is It a Choice?
In this newly revised and updated edition, Eric Marcus provides insightful, no-nonsense answers to hundreds of the most commonly asked questions about homosexuality. Offering frank insight on everything you've always wanted-and needed-to know about same-gender relationships, coming out, family roles, politics, and much more, including:
How do you know if you're gay or lesbian? What should you do if your child is gay or lesbian? Do gay parents raise gay children? If you think a friend is gay or lesbian, what should you say? Why do gay men and women want to get married? What does the Bible say about homosexuality?
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About the Author
Eric Marcus is the author of several books and coauthor of Breaking the Surface, the number one New York Times bestselling autobiography of Olympic diving champion Greg Louganis.
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Is It a Choice? - 3rd EditionAnswers to the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay & Lesbian People
By Eric Marcus
HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.Copyright © 2005 Eric Marcus
All right reserved.
A homosexual is a person whose feelings of sexual attraction are for someone of the same gender: male for male, female for female. In contrast, a heterosexual is a person whose feelings of attraction are for someone of the opposite gender.
The word homosexual was first used by Karl Maria Kertbeny in an 1869 pamphlet in which he argued for the repeal of Prussia's antihomosexual laws. (Prussia is now part of northern Germany.) Homosexual combines the Greek word for "same" with the Latin word for "sex."
Homosexual people come in all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life, just like heterosexual people do, and are part of every community and every family. This means that everyone knows someone who is homosexual. Most people just don't realize that they know, and perhaps love, someone who is homosexual, because many -- if not most -- homosexual people keep their sexual orientation a secret.
I wish I had known what a homosexual was when I was growing up in the 1960s and 1970s in Kew Gardens, New York, a comparatively bucolic New York City neighborhood about forty-five minutes from Manhattan by subway. At first I didn't know exactly what a homosexual was, except that homosexuals were something very bad and disgusting. The popular image for someone of my generation was a creepy-looking guy in an overcoat who hid behind bushes and tried to lure children into his clutches with candy.
As I grew into adolescence, I still wasn't exactly sure what a homosexual was, never having seen one on television or having met one, but I knew that the most horrible thing you could call someone was a "faggot." In summer camp there was always at least one boy who got tagged with that label. It was usually someone who always struck out at baseball. He was despised by the other boys and shunned by the girls.
One summer, when I was fourteen, I was that boy. It was also around this time when I was just beginning to understand that "faggot" meant more than just being bad at baseball. It had to do with not being like other boys, who at that age were starting to get girl-crazy in a way that made no sense to me. I can't say I had any memorable attraction to those of my own gender back then, but I do recall thinking that my strapping eighteen-year-old counselor, Ted, was kind of cute -- an observation I knew not to share with my bunkmates.
I was sixteen years old when I finally met someone I knew to be homosexual, and I was both shocked and relieved. Bob was no creepy-looking guy in an overcoat. He was a smart, devastatingly handsome (to me), and very confident college student who lived down the block. He didn't lurk behind shrubs, and he never once offered me candy. He did, however, help dispel all the myths I'd grown up with about homosexuality.
Bob was the first person to explain to me that a homosexual is simply a man or woman whose feelings of sexual attraction are for someone of the same gender. One man could meet and fall in love with another man, my new friend explained, and one woman could fall in love with another woman. So simple, but to me it was a revolutionary idea, and it changed my life, especially since I had a wild crush on Bob and could now do what any normal sixteen-year-old would do: imagine a life that included living happily ever after with the object of my affections.
What is a gay person? Why do gay people call themselves "gay"?
A gay person is a man or woman who is a homosexual. Gay is a synonym for homosexual. The word has been used publicly by gay people since the late 1960s, when gay was adopted by homosexual men and women in the early gay civil rights movement and incorporated into slogans like "Gay is good!" Gay was seen as a positive alternative to the clinical-sounding homosexual.
Gay was used as slang in place of homosexual as far back as the 1920s, almost exclusively within the homosexual community. If, for example, you wanted to indicate to a friend that a club or bar you planned to go to was frequented by homosexuals, you would say that it was a "gay place" or that there was a "gay crowd."
One of the early examples of gay being used in print to mean "homosexual" occurred in 1947. Lisa Ben, a young Hollywood secretary, used the word as part of the subtitle for a newsletter for lesbians that she published on her office typewriter. Lisa called her newsletter Vice Versa: America's Gayest Magazine. Other homosexual people knew that Lisa didn't mean her magazine was simply full of fun, which is what most people at the time would have thought, because gay was a word then typically used to mean "happy" or "fun," as in "We had such a gay time at the party."
Not all homosexual people like using the word gay to describe themselves. And since gay has come to be used most often in association with male homosexuals, many homosexual women prefer to be called lesbians. (See "What do gay people like to be called?" at the end of this chapter.)
What is a lesbian?
A lesbian is a woman whose primary feelings of sexual attraction are for other women. In other words, a lesbian is a homosexual woman. Like gay men, lesbians come in all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life.
The word lesbian derives from the name of a Greek island, Lesbos, where Sappho, a teacher known for her poetry celebrating love between women, established a school for young women in the sixth century BC. Over time, the word lesbian, which once simply meant someone who lived on Lesbos, came to mean a woman who, like Sappho and her followers, loved other women.
Excerpted from Is It a Choice? - 3rd Edition by Eric Marcus Copyright © 2005 by Eric Marcus.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
This is the third edition of Eric Marcus' 'IS IT A CHOICE: Answers to the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay and Lesbian People' and in revising his original 1990s publication he has added some welcome, warm humor and finer perspective, features that make this little book an invaluable help to individual, families and friends who are experiencing discovery of someone 'coming out of the closet'.Much has changed in the past decade toward wider public understanding of gay, lesbian, transgender and bisexual people: important films with major stars portraying gay people in positive light popular television shows such as 'Will and Grace', 'The L Word', 'Queer as Folk', 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' spokesmen and comedians/comediennes like Ellen DeGenneres, Margaret Cho, Kate Clinton etc important novelists such as Colm Toibin, Michael Cunningham, Jeffrey Eugenides - all of these have opened doors to the public to examine gay life and its spectrum. But when the encounter becomes personal, there are still the myriad questions that many are simply afraid to ask. Marcus tackles these embarrassing questions head on and with a fine sense of healthy normalcy. Questions range from the tough ones (what makes people gay - is it illness, can it be cured, how do you tell, what are the indicators?) to the often heard but silly ones as to whether all gay men love opera and hate sports and do all lesbians want to appear to be men, et cetera ad infinitum. Yes, to some the questions seem superficial - and thank goodness at last they do! But to others less informed and more threatened by the notion of gay life this book is most helpful. No preaching or politicking here, just common sense approaches to quasi-delicate issues. Would that school libraries would stock this book on shelves for those students who are coping with 'gay' either within themselves or with barely closeted friends. And for husbands and wives who discover their spouses are lesbian or gay, mothers and fathers who don't have a clue how to broach the subject with their suspected child. Marcus has a terrific sense of humor and writes well, but he also is a committed 'sociologist' who has taken the time to provide not only answers to the obvious questions, but also provides richly detailed resources in the appendices of this book that serve as further information and support guides.And other than that, this is also a fun book to read - no matter your inclination! Highly recommended. Grady Harp
18 months ago my son told me he was gay. My sister (his aunt) and I purchased 4 books the next day. We each read two and then traded. Eric Marcus' book was the best. It IS so informative and helpful. I've since purchased half a dozen paperbacks that I have given to other parents. I just purchased the eBook (for myself) since I kept giving my copy away!
She walked in "it is obvious you like Izabel 'and you owe me another kiss'" she mocked and started to cry.