It's Not Fair: Learning to Love the Life You Didn't Choose

Melanie will make you laugh, think, and help you begin the process of shuffling toward joy.

It’s Not Fair! The battle cry of the afflicted, the unafflicted…the human race. Melanie Dale jumped to the top of my favorite authors list with her first book, Women Are Scary. Her second book, It’s Not Fair, Learning to Love the Life You Didn’t Choose, is equally as wonderful. Her unique and delightful sense of humor along with her openness, make It’s Not Fair a book that will have you laughing, crying and throwing out an “Amen” with each chapter. She talks about the realities of life and the struggles of believing when life gets hard. There’s no Christianese here, just honest and loving words. It’s the kind of book you can give to a friend who’s hurting and the kind of book you can settle down with when life throws rotten tomatoes at you. It provides practical advice with a hug. There are so many wonderful quotes in this book, but I think this one sums it up best: “Be gloriously and ridiculously yourself. Dare to hope in the present, in all its squishy mess. Incomplete and messy with lots of question marks.” Pg. 120 Melanie shares her personal battles with suffering including her journey through infertility, adoption, and broken dreams. She reminds us that God isn’t interested in the made-up, dressed up versions of ourselves. Rather, he wants the honest and transparent with all of the unanswered questions. She uses the best quotes from movies, books and TV shows in each chapter, along with some great drawings. It’s like a feel good, pick yourself up and wrap yourself in a warm hug kind of book. Do I recommend it? Y.E.S.!!!! A hundred times over. Melanie Dale never fails to deliver a book that I want to buy for everyone I know and It’s Not Fair, is no exception. I received this book from the author and Zondervan Publishing in exchange for my honest opinion which I’ve provided here. https://wordynerdyblog.wordpress.com/2016-book-reviews/its-not-fair/

It’s Not Fair gave me a good snort-laugh, cry, and warm hug all while putting a soothing balm on my “poor baby” emotional boo-boos. Melanie bravely goes there and dives into the hurt and suffering that all lives experience, saying look I have wounds too; let's care for one another in a “here’s me sitting next to you way.” With a unique voice, she writes openly about her experiences in suffering, grief, wanting and waiting. She uses words that are wise, thought-provoking, humorous, and unexpectedly grant me permission to laugh even during the worst of times. She teaches us to embrace the concept of thriving during suffering, “Sur-thriving”. This book is uplifting and fun with hilarious Twitter quips in the margins, pant-pee inducing illustrations and made up words. I’ve always thought it best to laugh often. Laughter truly is the best medicine. Laughter and mummy-style wrapping of oneself in a fuzzy blanket, which Melanie suggests is a must do of self-comforting. I concur. What’s the saying? Everyone is going into a storm, in the storm, or coming out of one. We or someone we know probably could use a good bear hug with lots of soothing hair stroking. As I read this book, I feel like Melanie did just that for my current emotional bruises and old battle scars as well. I am left feeling like I have a new friend. One who will go there with me into the trenches when life isn’t as lovely as a Facebook picture. This book is a must read for those who need some love and for those who wish to love on hurting people.

I can't say enough great things about this book! Life just doesn't meet our expectations a lot of time, and some people have to endure much more than their share. Melanie Dale reaches out to us, and helps us find a way to reach out to others. Her book is funny, sincere, and so needed in this flawed world. I love her heart for others - wrapped up in her way of using humor amidst the truth. I highly recommend that you read this!

The maimed cookie man on the front says it all…life has beaten you up and you’re crying “It’s not FAIR!!” Well then…this is the book for you! The author’s quirky sense of humor is exactly what you need when you’re in the midst of a disappointing life occurrence – because laughter really is the best medicine. She says this is a ‘sit-with-you’ book and in addition to the comforting “Me too”s she advises of, she also offers alternative ways to dealing with the stupid things people say to us when we’re in the pit of despair. If you’ve ever gotten an ill-timed “God’s timing is perfect!” you know exactly what I’m talking about here! She tackles the tough questions like “why do bad things happen” and “how to survive the death of a dream,” all while giving us Christians permission to talk about the things that make us unpeppy and oh-so-not-happy. Also included: bible verses, movie quotes, and comfort-food recipes, oh my!! Just like her first book Women Are Scary, I guarantee by the time you get to the end of this one, you’ll feel like Melanie is your bestie.

Melanie has a way with words. You will find yourself laughing out loud in one moment and feeling your heart cry with her another. She doesn't sugarcoat the difficult, she tells it like it is...but then she backs that reality up with an honest look at how we can walk forward even when life isn't fair. There are times that I think "God I have had enough...let's be done with the refining process", Melanie gets that. She has been there herself and she doesn't try and make it all happy dances and rainbows. But instead leads by example and shows how we can take difficulty and walk in happiness and freedom. Love this book and her heart that is so transparent throughout!

I’ve been privileged to settle into It’s Not Fair over the past few weeks. While our stories are radically different in detail, the author and I share the inevitable reality that life has not been fair to us. And if we stopped there, the book would be nothing more than a reminder that some seasons of life just blow and we are not alone in our angst. Melanie Dale is authentic; she shares her journey through infertility and adoption with candor. She said herself that she can’t solve your stuff, so if you’re looking for a self-help book, move along…nothing to see here. But if you are looking for someone to “sit next to you in your stuff” (or if you want to learn how to be a BOSS at sitting next to someone in their stuff) this is a must read. Have you ever wanted to help but didn’t know how? There is an entire section titled “100 Things You Can Do to Help” but while you are at it, be sure to check out “Things You Should Say If You Want a Good Face Punch”. Let’s face it, we’ve all been there. Are you wallowing in the middle of something unimaginable right now? You will want to speed read over to the chapter on coping mechanisms but take your time because there is some really good stuff before you get there, some validation and empathy and I bet you could use that right about now. I have a list of favorite quotes. I laughed and I cried; I folded corners on pages so I wouldn’t lose them and I highlighted with fury. I drew smiley faces and sad faces and mad faces and I might have created some emojis of my very own. I felt validated and understood. Did you hear that? Validated. Understood. Seriously. Life. Changing. I loved all of it, including the rudimentary stick figure drawings and the chapter of recipes, because, well…food. At the conclusion she didn’t wrap it all up with a nice bow and suggest we follow her step by step program to heal all of our pain and live happily ever after. Rather, we display our scars, and when we pass each other and notice them, see the beauty in them, we nod. Solidarity. It’s not fair; we know it and we own it. For ourselves, yes, and for each other.

If you've ever uttered the words, "It's not fair," then you'll love this book. Melanie writes from a place of deep heartache and deep joy, (which she says is different from happiness because joy actually hurts). This isn't a book that will solve all your problems or make your pain disappear forever. But after reading this book, your heart will be a little lighter, you'll feel a little braver, and you'll rest easy knowing you've made a new friend. You'll also learn how to be that friend. In my work with families who have children with cancer and in my life as the wife of a husband who is a pastor, I meet so many people who are hurting and feel helpless. There's lots of books out there that promise joy with moral platitudes. Melanie is Melanie. She doesn't pretend to be an expert. She meets you where you are--wherever you are. And she's a hoot! With chapters on comfort foods and things you should say if you want a good face punch, you'll be laughing AND crying. There's also chapters on counting the wins, the two most powerful words (you'll have to read the book to find out what they are), and surviving the death of a dream. And then there's practical stuff too. I mean, the chapter titled "100 Things You Can Do to Help" is worth the price of the book alone! I hope you'll be brave enough to steer into the surprise that is this book, a book I imagine reading over and over again and purchasing for friends. Just because I'm all grown up doesn't mean I don't have my own "it's not fair" moments every now and again. I'm STILL learning to love the life I didn't choose.

Learning to love the life you didn't choose. When I read the subtitle of Melanie Dale's new book It's Not Fair, I was hooked. This has essentially been the theme of my life for the past few years. I was excited to read It's Not Fair, and it turned out to be even better than I expected. Melanie has a thing for fuzzy blankets ("Fuzzy blankets are my favorite."), and this book reads like one big fuzzy blanket hug. Need to wallow and watch Netflix? There's a chapter for that. Angry about your messed up life? Melanie will meet you in the swear shed. Hungry? See chapter nine, "Comfort Foods That Will Help You Eat Your Feelings." Not sure how to help someone? Melanie came up with 100(!) actually helpful things you can do. Are you just a hot mess? You'll find "I'm so sorry" and "me too" scattered throughout the book. In addition to all those wonderful things, It's Not Fair is full of movie quotes, hilarious tweets, funny doodles, and anecdotes from Melanie's blog and reader submissions (mine's on page 87!). Melanie also weaves scripture and biblical encouragement throughout the book, grounding our unexpectedly messy lives in God's good and perfect will. Yes, I am part of the launch team for this book and it is my "job" to be enthusiastic and flood social media with #itsnotfairbook, but I really did think this book is fantastic. Whether your life is a mess, or you love someone whose life is a mess, this book has it covered. With a fuzzy blanket. And if you pre-order before August 16, head to the It's Not Fair website for details about how to get fun pre-order bonuses. FTC Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book in exchange for a review.