It's Not Just You: Freeing Women to Talk about Sexual Sin and Fight It Well

by Ashley Chesnut

Overview

There's no way other women are struggling sexually like I am. Who could I even talk to about this? Isn't this a guy's issue?

For too long, Christian women have assumed they’re outliers in their sexual struggles. This assumption (along with shame) often keeps them silent, leaving them to face the battle all by themselves. But if any of this sounds familiar, you’re not the only one. Whether your struggles take the form of masturbation, pornography, same sex attraction, or sexual fantasies, it’s not just you. These temptations are common not only for men in the church, but many women, too.  
 
So how do we fight against sexual sin as women? What do we do when there’s a disconnect between what the Bible says and how we live and feel? Or, if we lead a woman struggling in this way, how do we aid her in the battle? Written from the trenches of ministering to young women, young adult minister Ashley Chesnut explores why sexual sin is “sin” in the first place, what sex really is, and how Scripture speaks into topics like masturbation, oral sex, and sex robots—even when those words aren’t found in the Bible.
 
God has already won the war against sin, and as you examine His Word along with Ashley, you’ll be equipped to battle against sexual sin and to aid other sisters in the fight.
 
No, it’s not just you. And yes, you can take steps toward victory. Right now.
 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781087713465
Publisher:	B&H Publishing Group
Publication date:	08/03/2021
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	521,968
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Ashley Chesnut serves as the Associate Young Adult Minister at The Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, Alabama. She has a Master of Divinity from Beeson Divinity School and a Certificate of Biblical Counseling from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. While Ashley has a passion for discipling young women, she also loves her city and has written a children’s book about it called Down in the Ham: A Child’s Guide to Downtown Birmingham. When she's not at the church or meeting with girls, you can probably find her at the farmer's market or trying some new local restaurant. 
 

Table of Contents

Part I How We Got Here: Why Our Sexuality Is Broken

Introduction 1

Chapter 1 Our Sexual Brokenness 7

Chapter 2 Why We're Broken: Part 1 15

Our Sinfulness and Our Wiring

Chapter 3 Why We're Broken: Part 2 29

Our Woundedness and Our Enemy

Part 2 God's Design for Sex

Chapter 4 The God Who Designed Us 39

Chapter 5 Why Sexual Sin is Sin: Sex is Heterosexual 51

Homosexuality

Chapter 6 Why Sexual Sin Is Sin: Sex Is Relational 61

Polygamy, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Erotica, Bestiality, Sexbots, Sex Toys, Sexual Fetishes, and BDSM

Chapter 7 Why Sexual Sin Is Sin: Sex Is Covenantal 81

Divorce, Remarriage, Singleness, How Far Is Too Far, Cohabitation, Oral Sex, and Pornography

Chapter 8 Why Sexual Sin Is Sin: Sex Is Fruitful 97

Childlessness, Birth Control, and Abortion

Chapter 9 Why Sexual Sin Is Sin: Sex Is Selfless 107

Conjugal Rights, Marital Rape, AR/VR Relationships, and What We Wear

Chapter 10 Why Sexual Sin Is Sin: Sex Is Symbolic 121

Submission, Polyamorous Relationships, and Swinging

Part 3 How to Fight Against Sexual Sin

Chapter 11 How to Identify the Roots of Your Sexual Struggles 129

Chapter 12 Action Steps for Fighting Sin 143

Chapter 13 How to Go from Emotionally Unhealthy to Healthy 157

Chapter 14 How to Walk Alongside Others in the Battle 173

Chapter 15 How God Heals Our Brokenness 185

Appendix

Appendix A A Tool for Discerning If a Sexual Act Is Sinful 201

Appendix B A Word on Sex Addiction 205

Appendix C A Word on Sexual Abuse 223

Appendix D A Word on Trauma 229

Acknowledgments 251

Notes 253

Editorial Reviews

Having served alongside Ashley Chesnut for years in the church, I have seen her help so many women experience abundant life in relationship with Jesus. That’s why I am so glad Ashley has written this book that addresses critical topics we rarely talk about in the church with biblical precision, personal compassion, and practical application. I commend this book with confidence that you will be served, encouraged, comforted, equipped, helped, and cared for in ways you don’t even realize you need.”

• David Platt, Lead Pastor at McLean Bible Church, Founder of Radical

 
“For many women in the church carrying the burden, shame, confusion, and battle of sexual sin, this book will be a light in the darkness leading them straight to Christ. I praise God for Ashley’s willingness and obedience to do the hard work and write It’s Not Just You. Ashley writes through a biblical, gospel lens, giving a deeper understanding to the roots of sexual sin struggles as well as hope and tangible wisdom leading women towards freedom that is found in Jesus.”

• Gretchen Saffles, Author of The Well-Watered Woman: Rooted in Truth, Growing in Grace, Flourishing in Faith, Founder of Well-Watered Women

 
“You may not hear many sermons on the topic of sexual sin, but don’t be fooled. The problems and struggles women face on this subject are sitting in your pews every Sunday. Ministry leaders need to set aside their fear of talking about sex and begin conversations that could transform lives. Ashley’s book is a good place to start and a good resource for your leadership library. Not only will you learn a biblical approach to address sexual sin, but you’ll be equipped to meet with women where they are and help them find biblical truths that will set them free.”

• Kelly King, Manager of Magazines/Devotional Publishing and Women's Ministry Training at  Lifeway Christian Resources

 
“Books written by men and for men on purity and sexual sin abound, but where do women turn when they suffer from sexual brokenness? The answer is a deafening silence.  It’s Not Just You addresses sexual sin and brokenness with compassion, clarity, and conviction. Ashley tackles the most pressing issues of female sexuality with a refreshing directness that is matched by her tenderness and grace. You’ll want to read this book because the Gospel is on every page. You’ll grow from reading this book, not just in the area of understanding God-given sexuality, but in knowing how to live a life of surrender to Christ.”

• Dr. Tate Cockrell, the Associate Professor of Counseling & Director of DMin Studies at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

From the Publisher