Counter the lies that keep you from abundant living.
Satan is the master deceiver; his lies are endless. And the lies Christian women believe are at the root of most of their struggles. "Many women live under a cloud of personal guilt and condemnation," says Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. "Many are in bondage to their past. Others are gripped by fear of rejection and a longing for approval. Still others are emotional prisoners."In this bestseller, Lies Women Believe, Nancy exposes those areas of deception most commonly believed by Christian women—lies about God, sin, priorities, marriage and family, emotions, and more. She then sheds light on how we can be delivered from bondage and set free to walk in God's grace, forgiveness, and abundant life. Nancy offers the most effective weapon to counter and overcome Satan's deceptions: God's truth!
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About the Author
NANCY DEMOSS WOLGEMUTH has touched the lives of millions of women through Revive Our Hearts and the True Woman movement, calling them to heart revival and biblical womanhood. Her love for Christ and His Word is infectious, and permeates her online outreaches, conference messages, books, and two daily syndicated radio programs, Revive Our Hearts and Seeking Him. Her books have sold more than three million copies and are reaching the hearts of women around the world. Nancy and her husband, Robert, live in Michigan.
Read an Excerpt
LIES WOMEN BELIEVE and the TRUTH THAT SETS THEM FREE
By Nancy Leigh DeMoss
MOODY PRESSCopyright © 2001 Nancy Leigh DeMoss
All right reserved.
"Become a World-Class Violinist Instantaneously."
"How to Play the Piano ... Instantly!"
"`Instant Health' at the Flip of a Switch!" (Ad for a kitchen appliance)
"Melt 10 lbs. in 10 minutes! ... a workout so easy, you do it in your pajamas!"
"Delivers so much peace of mind it should be covered under your health plan." (Ad for a popular car)
"Look Better and Feel Younger in Just Minutes a Day ... The key to a healthier, happier life." (Ad for an oxygen chamber. Price tag: $3,999.95)
Our culture is riddled with deception. It is everywhere, as illustrated by these kinds of outlandish advertising claims. Sometimes it is easy to see through the falsehood (as in the claim that one can become a world-class violinist instantaneously). Unfortunately, however, most deception is not quite so easy to detect.
Deception in advertising appeals to our natural human longings. We want to believe that somehow, mysteriously, those unwanted pounds really could melt away in just ten minutes-no sweat, no discipline, no cost, no effort, no pain. That's why we buy the pills, the diet drink powders, and the exercise equipment sold on infomercials.
A clever and cunning pitchman whose intention was to change Adam and Eve's thinking about God and His ways designed the first advertising campaign. Satan's objective was to drive a wedge between God and His creatures. He rightly assumed that the man and woman were not likely to support anything that appeared to be an all-out assault on God. He knew that, instead, he would have to subtly trick them, to deceive them, to seduce them by making an offer that appeared to be reasonable, desirable, and not entirely "anti-God."
Satan deceived Eve through a clever combination of outright lies, half-truths, and falsehoods disguised as truth. He began by planting seeds of doubt in her mind about what God had actually said ("Did God really say ...?" [Genesis 3:1]).
Next he led her to be careless with the word of God and to suggest that God had said something that, in fact, He had not said. God had said, "Do not eat the fruit of the tree." However, Eve quoted God as saying, "You must not touch it" (v. 3, italics added).
Satan deceived Eve by causing her to question the goodness, love, and motives of God. "Did God really say, `You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" he asked. The implication was: "Has God put restrictions on your freedom? Sounds like He doesn't want you to be happy."
The Truth is that God had said, "`You are free to eat from any tree in the garden' [2:16, italics added]-except one."
The Truth is that God is a generous God.
In that entire, vast Garden, God had posted only one Keep Off sign: "Do not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil." Furthermore, the one restriction God imposed was in the best interests of the couple and was intended to guarantee their long-term blessing and happiness. God knew that when they ate of that tree, they would die; their relationship with Him would be severed; they would become slaves-to Satan, sin, and self.
The Serpent further deceived Eve by lying to her about the consequences of choosing to disobey God. God had said, "When you eat of it you will surely die" (2:17). Satan countered: "You will not surely die" (3:4, italics added). He flatly contradicted what God had already said.
The devil seduced Eve by offering her all kinds of benefits if she would just eat the forbidden fruit (3:5). He promised that a whole world of knowledge and experience would open up to her ("Your eyes will be opened"). He assured her that she would be equal with God-that is, that she could be her own god ("You will be like God").
Finally, he promised that she would be able to decide for herself what was right and wrong ("knowing good and evil"). God had already told Adam and Eve what was right and what was wrong. But Satan said, in essence, "That's His opinion; you're entitled to your own opinion-you can make your own decisions about what is right and wrong."
Satan deceived Eve by causing her to make her decision based on what she could see and on what her emotions and her reason told her to be right, even when it was contrary to what God had already told the couple:
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.
Eve took the bite. But instead of the promised rewards, she found herself with a mouth full of worms-shame, guilt, fear, and alienation. She had been lied to-she had been deceived.
As Puritan pastor Thomas Brooks put it,
Satan promises the best, but pays with the worst; he promises honor, and pays with disgrace; he promises pleasure, and pays with pain; he promises profit, and pays with loss; he promises life, and pays with death.
From that moment to this, Satan has used deception to win our affections, influence our choices, and destroy our lives. In one way or another, every problem we have in this world is the fruit of deception-the result of believing something that simply isn't true.
Satan holds out the glittering promise of "real life"; he knows, however, that those who respond to his offer will certainly die (Proverbs 14:12).
So why do we fall for his deception? Why do we go for the lure? One reason is that Satan doesn't usually appear in the form of a serpent- instead, he comes disguised as a New York Times best-seller, a popular magazine, or a movie, or a TV show, or a Top Ten hit song. He may also pose as a relative or friend giving sincere counsel, a therapist, or even a Christian writer, preacher, or counselor.
Regardless of the immediate source, anytime we receive input that is not consistent with the Word of God we can be sure Satan is trying to deceive and destroy us. What we read or hear may sound right, may feel right, may seem right-but if it is contrary to the Word of God, it isn't right. If we could only see that the forbidden fruit, fruit that looks so ripe and tastes so sweet in the first moment, always leads ultimately to death and destruction.
Deception was-and still is-crucial to Satan's strategy. According to Jesus, it is the devil's very nature to deceive:
[The devil] was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
For reasons we cannot fully understand, Satan chose to target the woman for his strategy of deception. Twice in the New Testament the apostle Paul points out that it was the woman who was deceived: "The serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty" (2 Corinthians 11:3 KJV); "Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived" (1 Timothy 2:14).
Some theologians believe there was something in the way Eve was created that made her more vulnerable to deception-that she was inherently more "temptable," or "seducible." Others suggest that because God had placed her under the headship of her husband, once she stepped out from under that spiritual covering and protection, she was more easily deceived.
Regardless, the point is that as fallen women, we are particularly prone to fall prey to Satan's deception. Remember that he did not first approach the man; he deliberately approached and deceived the woman. It was the woman who led her husband into sin, and together they led the whole human race into sin (though Adam, as head, is held ultimately responsible). I believe there is something significant about that progression and that, to this day, there is a unique sense in which Satan targets women for deception. This is part of his strategy. He knows that if we as women buy into his deception, we will influence the men around us to sin, and our sinful choices will set a pattern for subsequent generations to follow.
Sometimes, as was the case with Eve, Satan deceives us directly. Sometimes, however, he uses other people as instruments of deception.
In the fifth chapter of Ephesians, Paul warns, "Let no one deceive you with empty words" (v. 6). Repeatedly, he challenges God's people to speak Truth to one another. When we are not honest with each other, we actually do Satan's work for him, acting as his agents, deceiving and destroying each other.
According to the Scripture, we can even be deceived by spiritual leaders-those who have been entrusted with the responsibility of shepherding God's flock and communicating the Truth to His people. Sadly, many leaders abuse their calling and their followers by failing to speak the Truth. Through the prophet Ezekiel, God addresses those leaders who deceive people:
With lies ye have made the heart of the righteous sad ...; and strengthened the hands of the wicked, that he should not return from his wicked way.
I believe this is an accurate description of much of what is taking place in the Christian world today. Walk into almost any Christian bookstore, leaf through many Christian periodicals, tune in to many religious radio and television broadcasts, listen to many popular Christian mental health professionals, and you will find respected "Christian leaders" who are deceiving their followers. In most cases, I do not believe they intend to deceive people-in fact, they may not even realize they are being deceptive. However, that is exactly what is happening.
In many cases, they "strengthen the hands of the wicked" by suggesting they do not need to repent. They promise God's blessing and grace to people who do not qualify because of their willful disobedience and unrepentant hearts. Their teachings help people justify ...
• anger ("healthy expression of your true feelings");
• selfishness ("You've got to place boundaries between you and demanding people");
• irresponsibility ("You are dysfunctional because you have been deeply wounded by others"); and
• infidelity ("You are free to divorce your mate and marry someone else; God is the God of the second chance").
At the same time, they make "the righteous" feel "sad" or guilty ...
• for taking personal responsibility ("You're codependent");
• for demonstrating a servant's heart ("You shouldn't let others take advantage of you"); and
• for being faithful to their vows ("God does not expect you to stay in that marriage").
Sadly, most people-even Christians-have unthinkingly exposed themselves to so much deception that they do not even realize they are being deceived. That is the very nature of deception-it blinds us to the fact that we have been deceived.
One of my goals in this book is to urge Christian women to open their eyes and begin to evaluate what is going on around them-to wake up to the deception that is so pervasive in both our secular and our Christian cultures. So much of our lifestyle is rooted in ways of thinking that simply are not true. The result is a house built on sinking sand. One lie leads to another and another and another.
Unfortunately, most people mindlessly accept whatever they hear and see. We listen to music, read books and magazines, watch movies, listen to advice, and respond to advertisements without asking ourselves important questions:
• "What is the message here?"
• "Is it really true?"
• "Am I being deceived by a way of thinking that is contrary to the Truth?"
Satan's promise to Eve was tantalizing: "Your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil" (Genesis 3:5). Who could resist such an extraordinary offer?
The forbidden fruit was "good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom" (v. 6, italics added). If it hadn't seemed so attractive, do you think Eve would have fallen for the offer? If that fruit had been rotten and crawling with worms, would she have considered disobeying God? Of course not. What makes Satan's offers so alluring and so deceptive is that they look so right.
The problem is that Eve didn't stop to evaluate what was really happening. She didn't take time to discern truth from error. She didn't stop to consider the cost and the consequences of what she was about to do. If Eve could have imagined the ugly, painful, deadly consequences of her choice-in her own life, in her relationship with God, in her marriage, in her children, in her children's children, and (through the sin of her husband, who followed her) in every human being that would ever live on the planet-do you think she would have listened to Satan's lie and disobeyed God? I doubt it.
But we have precisely the same problem. I have discovered that very few Christians seriously consider the consequences of their choices. We simply live our lives, responding to the people, circumstances, and influences around us-eating what we crave at the moment, buying the newest gadget advertised on TV, adopting the latest fads, and embracing the lifestyles, values, and priorities of our friends. It all looks so good; it feels so right; it seems so innocent. But we end up in abusive relationships, head over heels in debt, angry, frustrated, trapped, and overwhelmed. We have been deceived. We have fallen for a lie.
In an unforgettable example of this kind of deception, a young mother of seven children told me that she had become involved with a man she had met on the Internet; she was thinking of leaving her husband for this other man. As we met together one night, she acknowledged that what she was doing was wrong. "But," she said, "he is so good to me and to my children."
For two hours, I begged her to see that this man was not truly interested in her or her children-if he were, he would not be breaking up her marriage; if he really loved her, he would not be leading her to violate God's law. I warned her that the road she was on, though it seemed so appealing, would certainly lead to destruction. I tried to help her see that she had been deceived and that her only hope was to believe and embrace the Truth.
Excerpted from LIES WOMEN BELIEVE and the TRUTH THAT SETS THEM FREE by Nancy Leigh DeMoss Copyright © 2001 by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Table of ContentsLies Women Believe...
1. God is not really good.
2. God doesn’t love me.
3. God is just like my father.
4. God is not really enough.
5. God’s ways are too restrictive.
6. God should fix my problems.
7. I’m not worth anything.
8. I need to learn to love myself.
9. I can’t help the way I am.
10. I have my rights.
11. Physical beauty matters more than inner beauty.
12. I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.
13. I can sin and get away with it.
14. My sin isn’t really that bad.
15. God can’t forgive what I have done.
16. I am not fully responsible for my actions and reactions.
17. I cannot walk in consistent victory over sin.
18. I don’t have time to do everything I’m supposed to do.
19. I can make it without consistent time in the Word and prayer.
20. A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.
21. I have to have a husband to be happy.
22. It is my responsibility to change my mate.
23. My husband is supposed to serve me.
24. If I submit to my husband I’ll be miserable.
25. If my husband is passive, I’ve got to take the initiative, or nothing will get done.
26. Sometimes divorce is a better option than staying in a bad marriage.
27. It’s up to us to determine the size of our family.
28. Children need to get exposed to the “real world” so that they can learn to function in it.
29. All children will gothrough a rebellious stage.
30. I know my child is a Christian because he prayed to receive Christ at an early age.
31. We are not responsible for how our children turn out.
32. If I feel something, it must be true.
33. I can’t control my emotions.
34. I can’t help how I respond when my hormones are out of whack. (It’s understandable to act like
a shrew at certain times.)
35. The answer to depression must first be sought in medication and/or psychotherapy.
36. If my circumstances were different, I would be different.
37. I shouldn’t have to suffer.
38. My circumstances will never change—this will go on forever.
39. I just can’t take anymore.
40. It’s all about me.
What People are Saying About This
Nancy Leigh DeMoss, who is one of the most articulate Bible expositors in the Christian world today, has written a book that I hope will get to the top of the best-seller list. It exposes the lies that imprison so many women and sets them free. I highly recommend it.
The woman of today is bombarded and confused by so many falsehoods. These messages may originate from painful childhood experiences or from media that emphasize beauty and glitz above all else. Or perhaps from a culture that tells women their role as a wife and mother doesn't count nearly as much as a career. Or the more selfish trend is that if her marriage doesn't make her happy, she owes it to herself to bail out. In Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free Nancy Leigh DeMoss exposes Satan as the source of these falsehoods and points women back to the truth only found in God's Word. Whatever problem today's women may face--guilt, addictions, an unhappy marriage, desire for career over mothering children, troubled children, the list goes on--she reminds us that there is an answer, and it is found in God. God is enough.
-Tim and Beverly LaHaye
For a quarter of a century, Nancy Leigh DeMoss has listened compassionately to heart-wrenching stories about the ways women in today's world are looking for meaning in life in all the wrong places. Readers will find themselves in these stories. A careful reading of this compelling book, written by someone who knows and loves the Scriptures, will help women identify and break out of the many bondages--emotional, physical, and spiritual--that trap them. It will also lead women to a new vision for their lives, and the profound sense of freedom that comes with the knowledge of God's redeeming love made known in Jesus Christ. Nancy's breathtaking book arrives on the American scene at a timely moment in history, when the populace is confused, desperately searching for meaning in life, and buying into anything that brings immediate gratification. This liberating book will be a blessing to you."
-George and Kingsley Gallup
What a timely, God-initiated and God-endorsed book! Nancy is a friend not only to us and to our family, but to thousands who have heard her speak and have known her personally. This is a most timely and crucial contribution to all women. Nancy deals honestly with the most pressing pain in women's lives and shows sensitively real illustrations and the truth that sets them free. Without hesitation, we encourage every woman to carefully study and apply this wonderful and practical spiritual help--both hurting and bewildered women, as well as radiant and happy women who desire to help others.
-Henry and Marilyn Blackaby
Have you ever wished you had a trusted friend, a wise counselor, that you could go to for godly, profoundly biblical advice? Someone you could go to who would help you tackle life's thorniest questions? Nancy Leigh DeMoss may not be your closest friend, but she will provide you with the solid Psalm 1 counsel that your soul longs for. On more than one occasion we've sought Nancy's advice and counsel. She is a godly woman with a heart for God's people. Compassionate and caring, I think you'll find that Nancy will stimulate you to love and good deeds in these pages. Buy two of these books--one for yourself and one for your best friend!
-Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Finally we can stop walking around in a maze of unanswered questions. The 'why's' have been silenced and the truth proclaimed! Nancy penetrates the confusion of our day and helps us see through the deception that has plunged so many women into despair and frustration. Then she gently leads us into the truth that is the only pathway to experience God's beautiful peace and restoration.
-P. Bunny Wilson
Today's women need to hear the truth, and I praise God for Nancy Leigh Demoss' incredible faith in His truth and her honesty about our weakness. She refuses to compromise His Word for the world's sake.
-Heather Whitestone McCallum, Miss America 1995
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
I did not agree with everything this book said. This book was not what I expected based on the description. I think the author reinforced some of the lies women believe instead of exposing them. I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book courtesy of NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
This book opened my eyes to so many lies I have been believing not realizing it's from the enemy of our faith
I read this book back when it came out almost 20 years ago. I liked it then. I like it even better now. Nancy Wolgemuth has always been one that I’ve had great respect for because she’s pretty unwavering in her commitment to keeping the bible as the central thing to any part of life she’s discussing. That’s why when, prior to being married herself, she could give marriage advice to women… because she sticks to what the bible says and calls women to act accordingly. That’s the case here. This updated version freshens the message only insomuch as is needed by the massive cultural shifts we’ve seen over these last years. The message is the same. Sin trips us up like it has since the fall. The devil lies. We believe the lies and often act upon them. The word of God is clear about the truth. Walk in truth. While I’m not a huge fan of the little vignettes of what Eve might have been thinking at the beginning of each chapter, even that serves to show us how this has been a problem for women since the day Eve ate the forbidden fruit and how each “lie” has it’s foundation in original sin even if it might look differently for each person. I really like that this book, and the accompanying study guide book are unashamed in their pointing out the truth of our tendency to excuse sin in our desire to live like the world. We listen to satan’s lies, dwell on them, start to believe them, do believe them, and then act on them. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We need to replace the lies with truth. That’s where the rubber meets the road because sometimes we believe the lie that not doing something about it – our sin- is easier than dealing with it. I started writing down specific quotes as I read but I soon realized that I’d pretty much be copying the entire book if I went that route so I stopped. Thankfully the study guide has highlighted many of the key quotes in the book to aid in your study of the topics. I highly recommend this book for all women and if possible as a group study with a family or church women’s small group. Thanks to Moody for sending a copy in exchange for a review. All thoughts are my own.
I’ve heard much about this book over the years and so it’s great that she has expanded and updated it. This is a book obviously based on the title, lies us women believe, and it expounds on how those lies affect our everyday lives. She states that there are 3 areas that trip us up. They are what we believe about God, what we believe about ourselves, and what we believe about sin. Like all lies, they come from the wicked one and he’s slithery and the deception can come subtly. I loved how at the end of every chapter she has a section that counters the lies with the Truth and she gives Scripture to help walk through that lie in your life. This is great for praying the Scriptures, reflecting on the Truths in our lives, and helping others as well. I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
Wow, what an insightful book, perfect for individual study or group discussion. The author's examinination of 45 lies that people believe is eye opening, starting with the deception that began in the Garden of Eden by a cunning adversary, and how they can affect our thinking, and consequently our behavior. The vignettes with Eve and her perception of events were interesting. The need to study the truth of the Bible is so very clear too. This is a book I will continue to want to read for years to come, and recommend to friends. It is a real hope booster! Recommend for any believer who desires a closer walk with God, and to improve relationships with others. (An e-book was provided by NetGalley and the publisher. All opinions are my own.)