Like Never and Always

Like Never and Always

by Ann Aguirre

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780765397614
Publisher: Tom Doherty Associates
Publication date: 07/17/2018
Sold by: Macmillan
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 352
Sales rank: 12,507
File size: 4 MB
Age Range: 13 - 18 Years

About the Author

ANN AGUIRRE is a New York Times&USA Today bestselling author and RITA winner with a degree in English Literature. She lives in sunny Mexico with her husband, children, and various pets. She likes books, emo music, and action movies. She writes all kinds of genre fiction for adults and teens. Her books include the post-apocalyptic novel Enclave and the romantic science fiction series about Sirantha Jax, starting with Grimspace.
Ann Aguirre has been a clown, a clerk, a savior of stray kittens, and a voice actress, not necessarily in that order. She grew up in a yellow house across from a cornfield, but she now lives in a terracotta adobe house in Mexico with her husband and two adorable children. The post-apocalyptic novel Enclave is her first book for young adults. She also writes the romantic science fiction series about Sirantha Jax, starting with Grimspace, as well as urban fantasy and paranormal romance. As Ava Gray, she writes paranormal romantic suspense.

Read an Excerpt


Something is beeping, and there's a Darth Vader sound, too.

Everything hurts. This is encouraging since I thought I was dead. My eyelids are too heavy and they won't open, but I flex my fingers to reassure myself they still work. Nothing. I try again, though my body feels like lead. This time, I manage a flicker of movement and it prompts an intake of breath from whoever else is in the room.

"Are you in there? Can you hear me?" That's Clay, sounding hoarse.

Why is he in my room? Where's Nathan? Morgan? Anyone would make more sense than Clay. We were never close, though we silently agreed to a mutual armistice once I started going out with Nathan. Terror slithers in me like a coiled, tentacle-thing, twisting until I have only this thought: What if they didn't make it? What if it's just Clay and me? That would explain why he's sitting with me, a sort of grisly survivor's solidarity.

No, that can't be true.

Clay sighs, and then he takes my hand. His fingers are hard and callused, completely unlike his brother's. "Your dad will be back soon. I made him go to the cafeteria. He's been here nonstop, not eating or sleeping."

Where's my mom? But there's something in my throat and I can't ask. Then it hits me; I'm on a breathing machine, probably waking up from a coma. Well, trying anyway. My body hasn't caught up to my mind yet. What if I have ... what's it called? Locked-in syndrome.

It's too much. I'd rather go back into the dark, so I let go and fall.

Clay's voice recedes.

The next time I wake, my eyes snap open. It takes me a while to focus. The room is dim, apart from the low beam near the door and the illumination from the medical equipment. I'm alone, but the call button is within reach, provided my arms work. It takes me three tries, but I smack the device successfully.

The nurse comes quickly, a round-faced older woman in a scrub top covered in pink hearts, and cheerful fuchsia pants. "You must be scared, huh?"

I nod. There are so many questions, but I can't ask them. My throat hurts and I feel like throwing up. This tube needs to come out ASAP.

"I'll call the doctor and the respiratory therapist first thing. We'll check you out and if you're ready, we'll wean you from the ventilator. Want me to notify your family?"

I nod again. That's when I realize she's only asking me yes or no questions. That makes things easier, but I guess I should expect her to be a pro at this. I raise trembling hands to my face and am surprised to find it bandaged. Why that startles me, I'm not sure, but my body awareness isn't great at the moment. Certain aspects are muffled while other parts blaze with raw agony. I don't feel right, like my skin is too big or something.

"You're loopy," the nurse guesses. "Try not to worry. You've had a rough few days, but you came out of surgery strong and your dad says you're a fighter."

Where are my friends? I ask in my head. What happened to everyone else? I know Clay made it, at least I think I know. A pervasive memory separates from the murk of my foggy mind. He's beside me, and it's dark. Clay is crying, his head resting on the bed beside my fingers. The IV stings my wrist, but I can still feel the hot plip of his tears on the back of my hand, like the inexorable drip keeping me alive.

Modern medicine is amazing.

And invasive.

Mute, I can't protest as a squadron of professionals do all kinds of tests. But I'm pleased with their conclusion by the time the hospital is bustling with shift change; they've decided I'm ready to come off the artificial breathing apparatus. Apparently the one I've been using pushes back into my lungs so I don't lose capacity or something. I don't understand it all, and they talk about waiting for my dad. I'm a minor, and I don't know if they need permission, or if it's more of a courtesy, like he wouldn't want to miss the big un-tubing.

The door opens as the doctor, nurse, and respiratory specialist are confabbing. I recognize the man standing there, but he's not my dad. This is Mr. Frost, my best friend's dad. Horror crawls through me. Morgan and me, we don't look anything alike. How bad was the accident? Maybe ... her face was too beat up for them to tell? And mine, too? But that hardly makes sense because she's six inches taller. The grisly thought occurs to me that maybe her body was damaged, dismembered, even, so — Oh my God, no. I can't let myself think about it.

Even our names put us in different camps: Olivia Burnham and Morgan Frost. Clearly her parents took one look at her and thought, This kid will be incredibly cool, might as well name her for it. Any popularity I've enjoyed has come since we made friends when comic book nerd Ed Keller said we should because then we could form the crime-fighting duo of Frost and Burn. To quote an old movie with a sad ending, that was the start of a beautiful friendship. She's the trendsetter, the one who finds the coolest music before anyone else and decides when people should stop wearing things or adopt a new look, usually something fresh in Tokyo or Paris.

They don't know who I am.

There are no words for the horror washing over me like the sluggish lap of dark water against the lip of the quarry where we aren't supposed to swim. I get a little frantic, but they misinterpret my response and so I get a lecture about exactly what they're going to do to me. That's worse than if they just removed the tube right away. Morgan's dad is hovering, the circles beneath his eyes pronounced. He should know by my eyes. I'm looking right at him, trying to tell him with telepathy but he never flickers. Instead he mistakes my stare for fear so he murmurs reassuring nothings as the medical team gets to work.

When they finish, I'm breathing on my own. It feels weird and my throat hurts, but it's not as bad as I expected. From what I remember, strep was like knives whereas this is residual soreness and a dry, rough feeling. I swallow a couple of times experimentally and I show how awesome I am by not throwing up.

"You're doing great," the nurse says.

"What day is it?" Of the hundred questions teeming in my brain, that one pops out first in a voice so rough that it doesn't sound like mine. Or Morgan's, for that matter.

Nobody seems surprised.

Mr. Frost answers. "Thursday."

Almost a week. We were out Friday night, two weeks before school started. Well, for Nathan, Morgan, and me, anyway. Clay already lives like he's grown, doing shit that earned him the notoriety that made people steer clear even before he dropped out. In different ways, the Claymore boys both have reputations; teachers projected remarkable things for Nathan, "explosive success" even, whereas some asshole on the yearbook staff tagged Clay as most likely to be blown up in a meth lab before he's twenty-one.

"What happened?" I whisper.

It's the least of what I want to know, but the knowledge they possess and I don't might as well be grenades. If awareness goes off like I'm afraid it will, the impact will leave an imprint of me on the wall, nothing left but nuclear shadow. Cowering in the hospital bed, I'm a ghost at the top of the stairs, waiting to find out I was dead all along.

"There was a car accident," Mr. Frost says. He reaches out, then hesitates, like he isn't sure where to touch me. In the end, he pats my hand and I don't pull away. "A driver got lost and was wandering the back roads, fiddling with his GPS. He hit the passenger side head-on. ..." He stops and glances at the doctor as if for approval.

To me the medical staff look uncomfortable, like they don't want to give personal advice. Can bad news wait? Mr. Frost wonders quietly. Well, she just woke up from a coma, the doc is probably thinking. But the parent is king in these matters, especially if it doesn't threaten my immediate survival.

Finally, Nurse Pink Pants says, "Why don't I go get a Popsicle? Your throat must be dry. We can give you five minutes before we do the swallow test."

That sounds pornographic.

I'm thinking this as everyone else files out, so Mr. Frost can have a Serious Talk with me. I have pterodactyls in my stomach because once he speaks his piece, I have to convince him I'm not his daughter.

"This will be hard to hear," he says softly. "But I feel like it's best not to hide the truth. Liv didn't make it. I'm sorry."


That means Morgan is dead, and they don't know.

Not Morgan. I can't breathe.

Maybe the doctor was right to withhold judgment on whether I was strong enough for shocking news. If I'd known that night at Emma Lin's party was the last time I'd ever talk to Morgan, I'd have said something more meaningful. I can't even remember exactly what we rambled about, stupid stuff on the Internet, what the hell was Amanda Olsen wearing and whether Eric Mitchell would ever get up the courage to speak to Kendra Sanchez. A thousand moments like that, a million, but they couldn't encompass the magic that was Morgan Frost.

I close my eyes. Take a choking breath.

"I'm sorry," Mr. Frost says again.

He's trying his best to comfort me and I have lost my best friend. That's when it hits me. My parents think I'm gone. I imagine their numbness and grief, making arrangements, notifying other relatives. My whole body shrinks. More and more awful, piled like bricks until it's Empire State Awful, a hundred and two stories tall.

I can't process or fathom how the hospital could've made this mistake. Even if we were both really hurt, they should be able to run tests, right? Dental records are always used in TV shows. With every fiber of my being, I want my parents; they need to fix this.

Everyone thinks I'm dead — my family, friends at school, and Nathan. Oh my God, Nathan. How am I supposed to break the news to Mr. Frost? I'm so cold my teeth are clacking. "What ..." My words trickle off.

Is it grisly to want details? But I need them. I can't remember anything except that damn song on the radio. Hope I never hear it again.

"Olivia didn't have on her seat belt. She was thrown from the car and they found her body in a field nearby. The police ... they said it was quick."

It's so strange, hearing about my own death, knowing it's my best friend they're talking about, not me. Morgan had only been home a week when we went to Emma's party. One last summer blowout before we buckle down, she'd messaged.

I'm still unable to believe any of this, processing slow like an outdated computer. My brain keeps skipping; it won't stick on the idea that Morgan is really gone. This must be a morphine dream. Any minute, I'll wake up, and my family will be here. They'll tell me that Morgan is just down the hall, right?

I try pinching myself and then squeezing my eyes shut, but it only makes Mr. Frost ask, "Are your eyes bothering you?"

Damn. This is reality.

I should just tell him. Then he can call my parents; I need them here. This situation is too much for me to handle on my own. He's waiting for an answer so I shake my head, working up the courage to drop this massive bomb.

"What about Nathan and Clay?" Shock has me asking random questions. I can't make myself tell the truth yet — I'm Liv. Morgan is the one who died. Not right to her father's face.

"Nathan spent one night in the hospital. Clay walked away with cuts and bruises, probably because he was drinking." Mr. Frost's tone says he disapproves, but if he argues with his daughter about dating the town bad boy, she'll dig her heels in even more.

And he's not wrong. She enjoys the risks associated with Clay. He's not like the guys at school; he has an edge. With Clay, you never know if you'll get the carrot or the stick, though I admit he treats Morgan better than I anticipated. When they first hooked up, I expected a hump and dump, then a night of tears punctuated by too much ice cream.

It never happened.

Mr. Frost is rambling about how alcohol loosens you up, so that's probably why Clay isn't hurt as bad. But part of what he's saying is true; I mean, I remember that I didn't put on my seat belt that night. No big deal. We're only driving five miles to Morgan's place, and there's no traffic. I didn't consciously think that or anything, but Clay's Corvair doesn't exactly encourage thoughts of modern safety. There's a timeless air to that car — or there was. It's probably totaled.

But ... I can't wrap my head around an error of this magnitude. A slow throb starts in my temples as I try to put it together, and it physically hurts to imagine how damaged Morgan's body must be. Was she not wearing her seat belt either, so we were both launched while the boys held on ...? Clay wouldn't let Morgan get hurt, I think, so she can't be dead. She can't be.

This is a mistake.

But the other explanation is that I'm dead. Which makes no sense. They found a body in the field; that's a fact. Before I can decide how to bridge the subject of mistaken identity, the medical crew traipses back in with a frozen treat and the promise of another test. Mr. Frost takes off like he was waiting for this chance while I swallow a cowardly wave of relief and suck on the Popsicle. The cherry is too sweet, cough syrup instead of juice, and it's like I can taste the red dye number 40 in actual chemical tang. That's something Morgan would've said, though I always thought she was being dramatic.

I should've just blurted it out before. I force the Popsicle down.

The doctor talks a little more about my care and recovery plan, detailing my injuries, but I'm distracted by how he constantly calls me Morgan, like I need anchoring. This is probably some bedside manner thing, but in my case it's a jolt, a needle-sharp poke. Each time, I take the bait, chasing the rabbit down the hole, and I drink the bottle marked I'm not Morgan. It feels like hours later when the specialist finally leaves.

Then it's just me and Nurse Pink Pants, wearing a sympathetic look. "We're moving you to a regular room now. That means you're doing great."


"We'll do all the work."

They do. I stay in bed, while it gets wheeled to my new digs, a private room that my parents never could afford. They should be here. How can they not know ...? The numbness and shock are wearing off, and I want my mom so much it hurts. She would hug me and my dad would bring a thermos of my favorite tea. Hell, I'd even settle for my little brother, Jason, who spends more time with his handheld games than me. I'd trade all this hospital luxury for a minute with my actual family.

I get isolation instead.

Morgan's dad is the CEO of a small IT company, Frost Tech, and he employs a lot of locals. Morgan tells the most hilarious stories about how all the MILFs about town hunt her dad like big game. The truth will wreck him; Morgan is the only family he has left.

The TV is on, running a special bulletin about missing girls in Monroe County. That's too depressing, and I already have enough darkness in my brain. I turn it off as the pictures of the lost flash on-screen.

A bit later, Nurse Pink Pants bustles back in with some gear on a tray. "Let's get those bandages off. I'm sure you're probably worried about your face, a pretty girl like you."

That's the last thing on my mind, but it occurs to me that once I'm unbundled, that should clear everything up. No more worries about how to explain — my features, however distorted, will be all the clarification they need. Then someone can call my parents and ... Morgan will be dead; it'll be official. I swallow hard. There's no way I can be relieved ... or anything but empty. There's no bright side here.

She gets to work when I don't reply and is snipping away when the door cracks open. Clay comes in first, shadowed by Nathan, who looks like deep-fried shit. My gaze lingers on his face. He hasn't shaved since the accident, it looks like. Normally, Nathan and Clay are like night and day, but right now, I see the family resemblance.

"We're just in time for the unveiling, huh?" Clay smiles at me.

"Hey, Morgan." Nathan doesn't look at me, and it's hard to see him so heartbroken, but he'll cheer up soon enough.

I imagine him running to me when the gauze comes off. We've been dating for a while now, and I don't doubt Nathan loves me. Thinking that I died because of him, while he was driving — it must be eating him alive. I'm unsure how Clay will cope with learning that Morgan died on that dark country road, but the truth has to come out.


Excerpted from "Like Never and Always"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Ann Aguirre.
Excerpted by permission of Tom Doherty Associates.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Like Never and Always 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 7 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If you’ve ever wanted to live someone else’s life, this is the book for you. For the entirety of their friendship, Liv was in awe of what she assumed was the perfect life. Morgan had her own car, money, and all the freedom that came along with it. What Liv didn’t realize was that with all that freedom came a ton of responsibility. For the most part, Liv was the girl next door. She had loving, involved parents, an annoying younger brother, and your average middle class life. Waking up in Morgan’s body changed all of that drastically. Compared to Morgan, her life was boring, but predictable. The deeper she gets into Morgan’s secret life, the more Liv comes to understand that boring and predictable have a comfort all their own. The premise behind Like Never and Always was a good one. I think I may have watched entirely too many soaps with my grandmother as a child, but the whole idea of waking up in someone else’s body immediately attracted me to this novel. I’ll be honest, I first thought that it was due to a brain injury or some kind of selective amnesia, but I was wrong. While the reason for Liv being in Morgan’s body wasn’t explained well enough for my curious mind, you are at least given a somewhat decent reason for the swap. The way Liv stumbles into Morgan’s secret life is interesting and true to the teens I know. And while the sort-of-maybe love triangle could have been left on the editor’s desk, it did work out well in the end. Overall, a well-written young adult thriller suitable for teens or adults. 3.5/5 *Thanks to Netgalley, the author and publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for a review.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
* Received from the author for review. After a car accident, Liv wakes up in her best friend Morgan's body. How will she cope and what is Morgan hiding from her best friend? I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It's the fastest I've read a book in a long time. I couldn't put it down. I was skeptical about the living in another body plot, since I'm usually not very interested in books like that, but I was so pleasantly surprised at how Mrs. Aguirre handled it. I didn't find any of it cheesy or boring. I appreciated the attempt by Liv to explain what was happening scientifically. That made it easier to suspend my disbelief and fully immerse myself in the story. I really enjoyed the writing. I was never distracted by the language because it didn't sound like teenagers trying to be cool or speaking in slang. The descriptive language was just enough. It fit with the story perfectly. I was able to guess the outcome of some of the mysteries but they played out in such a way that I didn't expect and it wasn't boring. The pacing was great. It never lagged in places it shouldn't and moved along at a great speed especially at the end. It wasn't too fast. It was just right. I was so glad at how Mrs. Aguirre reconciled the Morgan/Liv sharing a body plot. It was handled with respect and was so satisfying. It also gave me something to really think about and ponder. I loved the idea of a chosen name for who you are. I was able to relate to Morgan and Liv's friendship with my own friendship with my best friend. I found a lot of parallels. My best friend and I have been together since elementary school. We're older now than Morgan and Liv but I had to think about what if I woke up in her body. I know a lot of her life experiences but I don't know everything and would be totally lost. We're alike in a lot of ways but also opposite in ways too and I think Mrs. Aguirre did a great job of making Morgan and Liv relatable in that way. Overall, there wasn't much about this book that I disliked. The plot, mysteries, friendships, "love triangle", and the end were all excellent. Even though the MCs are in high school, I think this book transcends age and is a good story for anyone.
Timitra More than 1 year ago
I loved Like Never And Always. I think the author did a great job of conveying just how a person would feel after going through such a traumatic experience and waking up in a body that's not their own. I loved that it was a mix of a few genres,YA, Suspense, Thriller and Romance. I think what I loved about it most other than the way it was crafted was the forbidden nature of the love triangle, it was almost illicit. I highly recommend this book to all, especially those who love weird, edge of the seat page turners. ARC provided by publisher through Net Galley in exchange for a honest review
taramichelle More than 1 year ago
Like Never and Always was a fast-paced contemporary thriller with some eerie paranormal elements. At its heart, this novel is ultimately a story about a girl trying to fulfill her best friend’s last request while also trying to find her place in the world. Like Never and Always keeps you glued to the page, desperate to find out whether the story ends happily or in blood. After a car accident, Liv wakes up in her best friend’s body. Afraid of telling anyone the truth, Liv must figure out how to navigate life as Morgan, her best friend. However, she soon finds out that Morgan’s life wasn’t as perfect as it seemed from the outside. And that her assumptions about Morgan’s boyfriend may be dead wrong. Caught up in Morgan’s dark secrets, Liv must find a way out while also figuring out who she wants to be now. Of course, it doesn’t help that Lis is also struggling with her growing feelings for Morgan’s boyfriend. Liv was such a relatable character. Totally out of her depth, in an unimaginable situation, she manages to survive. With no one who truly understands her situation, she is alone in dealing with her grief, both for her best friend and for her own life. Liv was such a strong character, her iron will giving her the strength to persevere. The other characters were incredibly realistic as well. Aguirre did an excellent job exposing each character’s flaws, revealing who they were as opposed to who they pretended to be. The concept of identity played a large role in Like Never and Always. Some of my favorite parts of the novel were when Liv was questioning herself. Was she actually Liv or was she Morgan, unable to cope with her own reality and convinced she is her dead best friend? Aguirre wrote those parts brilliantly and ultimately allows readers to determine the answer for themselves. Additionally, I thought she did a wonderful job with her portrayal of grief. Each character handles the loss a different way and their reactions felt so raw and honest. I loved how the mystery was slowly unspooled. There were so many different layers and each reveal made me see the situation from a different perspective. Each reveal uncovers a new part of an incredibly disturbing situation. I would note that there are trigger warnings for rape, stalking, and physical assault. The romance was a nice counterbalance to the darker parts of the storyline. Even as Morgan’s life is coming apart, Liv is beginning to create one of her own. The romantic lead was a wonderful character and I loved the slowly developing relationship between him and Liv. Like Never and Always was an intriguing read that kept me hooked until the very last page. I would recommend this one if you’re looking for a heavier and darker YA contemporary. *Disclaimer: I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
vphillips88 More than 1 year ago
Like Never and Always by Ann Aguirre is a young fiction novel about a teenage girl that died only for her soul to come back in her best friend's body. Liv and Morgan have been best friends since grade school. Now a junior and senior in high school, the girls are dating brothers Nathan and Clay. After a night of fun the four are driving along when they have an accident. Nathan & Clay survive with minor injuries, Morgan is in a coma, and Liv dies. But it's Liv's body that dies, not her "spirit". Morgan is the one who passes away and Liv "comes back" as Morgan. Nathan is heartbroken because to him Liv, his girlfriend, is dead. He struggles with his grief throughout the novel. Liv struggles with living as Morgan and it only gets harder once she realizes that Morgan had a lot of secrets and was going through much more than she ever let on. Things get more complicated when she find s herself falling in love with Clay as she feels guilt for falling for Morgan's boyfriend and her boyfriend's brother. What I liked about Like Never and Always: Everything! I loved this book from beginning to end. Like Never and Always had a little of everything: mystery, romance, paranormal, spirituality, philosophy. The story went deeper than the traditional "Pretty Little Liars" type teen mystery but even explore the concept of the spirit and what happens when the body dies. Reading this story definitely made me think about life, death, and the spirit/soul. I loved how we see Liv's/Morgan's & Clay's relationship organically grow. It shows how love isn't confined to the physical; you can truly love someone for their spirit/personality, not just/only physical attributes. The questions Morgan was seeking before she passed were answered in a organic way and wasn't rushed. One question arose from the answers finally given but in a way that leaves room for personal interpretation. The question is left unanswered but as the reader, I felt okay with that. In real life not all questions get answered and in this case there was enough for closure. What I don't like about Like Never and Always: Nothing! It's easily on my top ten favorites list! Recommended as a book club read as can open up thoughtful discussion or teens about mortality and spirituality.
Bobbie Kirkland More than 1 year ago
I received a free copy of Like Never and Always by Ann Aguirre in exchange for an honest review. I am a fan of Ann Aguirre’s science fiction and post-apocalyptic series. This book steps outside these genres; it’s a supernatural romance. Morgan and Liv, Frost/Burn, have been best friends their entire lives, so it seems natural that they would date brothers. Coming home from one of their double dates, there’s a terrible accident. While both brothers are practically unscathed, the same is not true for the best friends. When Liv awakens from her coma, she’s surprised to find the wrong brother at her bedside and the wrong parent coming to her door. The doctors could not possibly have mistaken her for Morgan; after all, Morgan is six inches taller. This is odd and alarming. When the bandages are removed from Liv’s face, she finds out she isn’t herself, she’s Morgan. With her own body buried, Liv has no choice but to assume Morgan’s life, which is troubled in ways Liv never suspected. I enjoyed this book and think that you will, too, if you are a fan of suspenseful supernatural romances. #LikeNeverAndAlways #NetGalley