My Name Is Chloe (Diary of a Teenage Girl Series: Cloe #1)

My Name Is Chloe (Diary of a Teenage Girl Series: Cloe #1)

by Melody Carlson
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My Name Is Chloe (Diary of a Teenage Girl Series: Cloe #1) by Melody Carlson

Chloe, Josh Miller's younger sister, is a free spirit with funky clothes and dramatic hair. She struggles with her own identity, classmates, parents, boys, and -- her biggest question -- whether or not God is for real. But this unconventional high school freshman definitely doesn't hold back when she meets Him in a big, personal way. Refusing to change her image to fit into the "stereotypical Christian preppy mold," Chloe expresses God's love and grace through the girl band she forms, Redemption. In her development as a musician and performer, tender-hearted Chloe will learn tough lessons about following God, her heart, and her dreams.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780307564689
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Publication date: 01/27/2010
Series: Diary of a Teenage Girl
Sold by: Random House
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 288
Sales rank: 616,167
File size: 2 MB
Age Range: 12 - 17 Years

About the Author

Melody Carlson is the bestselling author of more than seventy books for teens, women, and children with total sales over 1 million. She has two grown sons and enjoys an active lifestyle of hiking, skiing, and biking. She lives in the beautiful Oregon Cascade Mountains with her husband and Labrador retriever.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Read an Excerpt

MY NAME IS CHLOE by Chloe Miller

a novel

Multnomah Publishers

Copyright © 2002 Melody Carlson
All right reserved.

ISBN: 1590520181

Chapter One

Monday, September 2

I don't hate my life anymore. At least not today. I guess I consider myself a recovering pessimist. Or at least I'm trying. I used to be completely negative and cynical about everyone and everything, but I found that made it difficult to breathe. So now I'm trying to be more of a realist. That way I can be negative when I choose to, but there's still a little room for hope.

Some people think I am dark. I suppose they're a little frightened by me. By my appearance, or my opinions, or the way I look them straight in the eye without blinking or turning away, or even my music, which can be, I suppose, unsettling. Although I doubt they'd ever admit to such fears. Because no one likes to fess up to being scared. But I'll admit to it-at least within the privacy of my own journal. I seriously doubt that I'll go take out an ad in the Daily Times and go public with this news. Like anyone would care.

But it's true: I am scared. And sometimes I scare myself. Okay, I'm not talking about when I look in the mirror, although that can be a little frightening, especially on those mornings when I have flattened down bed head and my eyelashes are stuck together with that gluck that gathers in your eyes whileyou're asleep. But for the most part it's not my appearance that scares me. Although I'm sure I seem frightening to some people-narrow-minded people who want everyone to look the same-like cookie-cutter characters where everyone has a happy face stamped right into their heads.

I've seen people stare at my hair (I cut it myself-all jaggedy so it can stick out in all sorts of interesting shapes, and I like putting colors on it, such as magenta and lime and purple), and I've seen some people stare at my multiple-pierced ears and belly button and wince or just back away. As if this is something unusual. And I suppose I derive some weird sense of satisfaction from their response. Like, see "I told you so." Does that make sense?

My friend Caitlin O'Conner (about the straightest chick I know) says I use my appearance to keep people from getting too close to me. And maybe she's right, although I've never admitted this to anyone before, except her and then only briefly. But I do sort of enjoy keeping up an exterior that turns some people off-or even frightens them. I figure if they're so shallow that they're threatened by my appearance, well, then who wants to know them anyway?

Besides, if you don't let people get close to you, you lessen your chances of getting hurt by them. Right? And that's something I could sure live without. Not that I'm afraid of pain, because I'm not. Believe me, I'm not! I just don't go around inviting it to come over to visit me on a regular basis.

I guess that's one thing that scares me though-the way I keep shoving people away from me. It's as if it's become this habit that's getting harder and harder to break. In fact, I've gotten uncomfortably comfortable with my isolation. Well, for the most part. I mean, no one really wants to be alone all the time. Do they? But somehow Caitlin just pushed her way past all my barbed-wire barriers and brick walls and actually became my friend. Well, sort of. Actually, I still wonder if she reached out to me because my brother Josh told her I was such a pathetic mess. She probably felt sorry for me too, because she's that kind of person-overly caring and sympathetic -something she needs to be careful of, I think. Too much empathy can get you into trouble.

But besides Josh's involvement, I suspect Caitlin (a Christian who takes her faith real seriously) probably had great hopes of converting me, not that I've ever done anything to encourage her. But that's all history now because Caitlin has just gone off to college. And I'm sure she'll forget all about me before long, if she hasn't already. I guess it just proves my point about not getting too close to people. Because in the long run, whether they mean to or not, they'll eventually hurt you or leave. That's what I've found to be true anyway.

But here's another thing that scares me about myself: It's the way I question just about everything. My parents call me rebellious and headstrong. My teachers say I have an attitude problem. Caitlin just says I'm searching. And in some ways I think she's closer to the truth than the rest of them. But for whatever reason, it seems as though nothing ever comes easily for me.

I'm not like Josh, the golden boy, who just seems to coast through life on his wave of charm, good looks, and general popularity. I'm probably more like my older brother Caleb, although since he left home while I was in grade school, it seems I barely knew him. But his life has been pretty messy too. Actually he's done a much worse job of it than I have (so far). I realize that could change for me any day now. And according to my parents it will.

They're predicting that I'll seriously blow it in my first year of high school. They could be right. I just might blow it-or blow up. I might explode into millions of tiny pieces and fly throughout the universe. Or maybe I'll try to prove them wrong. I'm still not sure which way this thing will go.

Caitlin thinks I'm going to do "something wonderful with my life." Ha! But then she's like that-the perennial Pollyanna of the new millennium. And I'll admit I liked that book as a child, back when I thought everything always ended up "happily ever after." I just don't believe that anymore. And I don't mean to slam her exactly, but I do think she's a little too idealistic. I mean, what could I possibly do that would ever be described as "wonderful"? I don't even like that word! Like I said, I'm trying to lean more toward realism, even if it does get me down sometimes.

And I suppose that's why I question God a lot. But that's only on the days when I still believe in him. Because a lot of times I don't. A lot of times I wonder about things like religious wars and starvation and child slavery and just general greed and cruelty-and I find it hard to believe that God would allow such chaos.

But Caitlin says it's okay to question God. She says, "He can handle it." And she positively assured me that no matter what questions I ask, God has all the answers. But she also said that I might not always like all his answers. But what probably frightens me the most is the very likely possibility that he won't answer at all-the possibility that he's not even there-and that we're all alone on this rapidly spinning ball called earth going nowhere fast. And for some reason that scares me more than anything. But I'd never admit this to anyone. In a way it seems pretty childish to see it written down. It's as if I try to act all grown up and mature and, I suppose, even tough, but inside I'm just a frightened little kid. Pretty scary, huh?

There we have it. I have just confessed my biggest fears, but I have some smaller ones too. They may seem minor compared to what I've just written above, but unfortunately they don't feel minor right now. I'll tell you what my most current pressing fear is: School starts tomorrow.

It's my first year in high school, and I don't even have one single friend to walk onto campus with. Oh, sure, it's my own fault since I no longer act, talk, or dress like my old friends. But were they really my friends? Would real friends shun me so easily? I think Jessie and I might've eventually become friends again, but then she moved last spring.

But to think I lost all this on account of a moronic boyfriend who stabbed me in the back because I wouldn't give in to him? How stupid is that? Maybe it was one of those Freudian things, like I really wanted to blow my life into smithereens on purpose. Or not. The fact is, I now have to face entering high school as a solo act. And that freaks me out.

Pitiful, isn't it? Oh, I keep telling myself that I'll just act exceptionally hard and aloof, dressed in my tough chick threads (which have sent my mom to her room with a headache again), and I'll march right in there and take nothing from nobody. But despite my plan, I still feel pretty worried. And a small part of me wishes I'd listened to my mom and gotten some of those more "mainstream" kinds of clothes and tried to make what she calls a "fresh start."

I suppose this is where my rebelliousness comes into play. I just could NOT do it. I could NOT give in to my mom. I think it's because I actually like how I look. It's kind of creative, you know, like an alternative rock star. And so far I only have seven piercings, and I think I'll keep it at that since seven is a perfect number. And I don't even have a tattoo (although I've been tempted a time or two and am still considering trying a henna one). You'd think that alone would make my mom happy.

And I like how my hair looks all spiky and wild and colorful. Really, I think I look pretty cool. And since I AM a serious and aspiring musician, I think this image works for me. Of course, no one (well, except for Caitlin) really knows how committed I am to my music. Maybe I'll get more out there with it this year. Maybe I'll see if I can play at the new coffeehouse that just came to town. Who knows? I could even become famous someday. It happens.

I've heard of fifteen-year-olds who've hit it big. Besides, everyone thinks I'm old for my age, plus I'm old in my class since my parents started me to school a year late due to a silly childhood illness that didn't seem like such a big deal at the time, to me anyway. Even my grandmother says I have the soul of an old woman, although I don't think she necessarily thinks that's a good thing. But maybe that's why I've always related better to older people. The kids in my own grade feel too immature for me, and yet I still feel like a little kid sometimes too.

Caitlin encouraged me to journal down my thoughts. She said it's a good way to get in touch with my feelings, although I feel pretty in touch already-sometimes too much so. She also said I should write down prayers. I tried not to laugh when she said that, but I'm thinking: What prayers? I mean, I don't ever pray. I don't even want to pray. And why is that? I say I still believe in God. Well, sometimes anyway. So why wouldn't I want to try praying to him?

I guess it's because I'm worried that, if he really does exist, he'll want to change me. And I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. Even though I'm unhappy and mixed up and feeling a little frightened, I'm still not sure I want to change. So instead of a prayer, I guess I'll just write down a poem. Because I'm not only a musician, I'm also a poet. And I am me! Chloe.

WHAT IF what if all there is is me? what if i am all i see? what if life is only this? and ignorance is bliss? what if love is only pain? and nothing can be gained by living every day and there is no better way? what then? cm

Chapter Two

Friday, September 6

This was the longest week of my life. Every single day was grueling-worse torture than walking barefoot over thumbtacks or having bamboo slivers stabbed beneath your fingernails. I am utterly exhausted. Now, for whatever reason, I have promised myself not to swear or cuss or use profanity in my diary. (I also try to avoid such cheap tactics in my lyrics.) But right now I could easily back down on this puritanical pledge.

Because what I want to know is: What's the bleeping reason for throwing a bunch of insecure, heartless, narcissistic, shallow, malicious, crass, and did I mention self-centered, adolescents together into one huge merciless cement complex and making them spend four years of their young impressionable lives together in there? If we were rats we'd probably start chewing off each other's tails by the third day. Come to think of it, that's exactly what a lot of kids do. But what's the point of this pubescent penitentiary? Is it because the rest of the world is so frightened of teenagers that they want to keep us off the streets for at least seven hours a day, five days a week, and nine months out of the year-like a part-time prison? Because it makes absolutely no sense to me.

Like today. I'm just minding my own business, washing my hands at the sink in the girls' bathroom (a dangerous practice, I have learned, much more hazardous than walking around with toilet germs) when Tiffany Knight looks over at me and says, "Hey, I thought Goth went out with the last millennium." Then she and her moronic friends laugh as if that's real funny. Now I've known Tiffany since junior high, and she's always been a great big pain in the you-know-what.

She's one of those girls who craves, more than anything, to be really popular, but she can never quite make it into the inner circle of the elite. Probably because she's so mean. As a result she's gathered a small group of friends (Tiffany wannabes) that she controls like a bunch of trained monkeys. And her group of followers seems to derive a twisted pleasure from torturing anyone they perceive as below them-which probably consists of most of the rest of us.

Okay, I realize now that my first mistake was to even talk with her. I should've just walked away. But regrettably I reacted. Remember how I like to learn things the hard way?

"Do you even know what Goth is?" I ask, but not in a mean way exactly. At least I didn't think so at the time.

Well, this stops her for a moment, as she stares at me with obvious disdain and a pretense of superiority, but it doesn't shut her up long enough for me to make my exit. Besides that, she and her goons are now blocking the door. So she sticks her chin out and says, "I know that your look is definitely the lamest thing I've seen since my grandma's old Persian cat got his head stuck in the garbage disposal."

Now this really cracks her friends up, but I don't quite see the humor. Still, instead of just walking away, I toss back my own zinger. "Well, Tiffany, I guess you should know since you and your cookie-cutter friends all look like a bad day at the Fashion Butterfly." Now that's a pretty good put-down because Fashion Butterfly is this old ladies' store on Main Street where no self-respecting teenager would ever be seen. My mom won't even go in there.

Naturally no one laughs at my joke. And the next thing I know, Tiffany is right in my face, so close I can actually smell her Tommy Hilfiger perfume as well as see a fairly large but well-concealed zit on the tip of her nose. And her friends are right behind her.


Excerpted from MY NAME IS CHLOE by Chloe Miller by MELODY CARLSON Copyright © 2002 by Melody Carlson
Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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My Name Is Chloe (Diary of a Teenage Girl Series: Cloe #1) 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 37 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Beforebu read these books about chloe, i would sudjest reading "diary of a teenage girl: caitlyn O'Conner" it shows a great story and also shows you a little about chloe and how you see how she changes butbib caiitlyns percpective
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love the love storie books and i rhink this book is very interesting and when i started reading it at first i thought it was so you know awesome and fun cause it was putting in suspense and everything so if you have not read this book yet you should cause its a great book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I didnt read this yet
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I do like this book but they could have added more detal but i still gets 5 stars
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Chloe is an exceptional character. She is searching for God in a serious way but doesnt hav the love or support from her parents she needs. Her friends hav pretty much lleft her and 2 unlikely ones come along and she leads them both to Christ and starts a band. THe next book is even better!!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Scoll98 More than 1 year ago
I thought this book was ok. I usually like all of melodys wotk but this one pretty muuch just bored me.......soorry
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Jasmine Noble More than 1 year ago
Loved this book!!!! the whole series is great!!!
Desire- More than 1 year ago
I would have to say that this is book is pretty much like everyday life if you think about it. This girl named Chloe is a very confident girl, but doesn't show it. She hides her true self. When she opens up to the world she found the only master she needs "god." When I read this book I felt as if I was in Chloe's shoes. I can picture and imagine all the thoughts she has, and the things that happen to her. I am a person who doesn't like to read, but when I started reading that book I didn't want to let it down. Good thing this book is in a series. I think the people that play a role in this book are alive. I see them as hard, caring, loving, trying people, especially Chloe. I think that's how people should be not all down and depressed. Well one day Chloe was that person, but one day a shocker of a lifetime came to her. She found god! Chloe is a good person, even after what people have said or done to her. She says a lot "take the chance you have you'll be lucky." Also when people try to put her aside and goes on she gained love, and power in her life. This book is filled with adventures. No, Chloe doesn't hang with the best people, but she does it to help them out. Chloe is the kind of person who knows, and hangs with wrong people, but doesn't do the things they do. Chloe has her own band. Well you're probably thinking by now what the world is going on in this book? Well to tell you the truth this book is lovely if you love adventure, and mystery this book is for you. Don't let it down you will love it.
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Seriously, I thought the book would be a nice read, but once I got started on it, it was like I was reading thoughts out of my own head. I thought "Wow, someone wrote a book on my life!" Her thoughts are very real, and similar to ones teens have today. Fear of being all alone out in the universe, or your mistakes, and your curiosity in things unseen. Its very real, and a great story to give you hope, or that warms your heart. I can't wait to read the other three sequils.
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Ruth1 More than 1 year ago
The book Dairy of a Teenage Girl: My Name is Chloe by Melody Carlson is a very good insight to a troubled teen's life. It was published by Multnomah Books in Colorado Springs, CO in 2002. My Name is Chloe shows you the life of a teen girl who is confused and troubled until she finds God and lets him into her heart and things start turning around. The young teen girl, Chloe Miller, is going through a rough time being different than everyone else and a freshman in high school. She has questions and doubts and is confused on who she is or what she believes. After an unusual encounter with God, Chloe's life starts to change for the better and she sets out on a spiritual mission. Along the way she meets two friends, Allie and Laura, who all form a band called Redemption and there lives together take off. Come along for the ride of Chloe's life! This is just as good as the Caitlin O'Conner series, if you have read them. My Name is Chloe gives insight, hope, and an interesting ride with a teen who finds herself and friends. This is a very good page-turner and the series should be interesting. You never know what will happen with God on your side.
Guest More than 1 year ago
The book, Diary of a Teenage Girl: My name is Chloe, by Melody Carlson, definitely deserves five stars! The book is about your not-so-average teenage girl named Chloe. Chloe has no friends, a family that doesn't understand her, is totally different then everyone else, and is gothic. Just when everything seems hopeless for Chloe, she makes two good friends that will change her life forever. With Allie believing in Wicca 'a program that deals with witchcraft' and Laura being a Christian, they have an adventure of a lifetime while trying to discover who they really are. Not long after they become friends, Chloe makes a decision that will change her life for the better. This book was absolutely fantastic and there was not a single flaw I could find in it. In the very beginning of the book, I had nothing what so ever in common with Chloe. I liked how I got to experience some one who was the total opposite of me. I really liked how the book was written as a diary with Chloe writing in it because it showed how she really felt and what was going on around her while most teens don't express that in real life. I also liked how she, along with the help of God, her friends, and believing in herself, found who she was and where she belonged. I, myself, find this to be very true. Without the help of all of those, tasks can be hard, if not impossible, to accomplish. This book is a part of a series. It is the first book in the Chloe branch of the series. This book reminds me of the movie Rudolph. Even though this movie is for children, it has the same overall idea and message. Rudolph, at first, is not accepted for who he is and throughout the whole movie is trying to find where he belongs. At the end of the movie though, while being true to himself, finds who he really is. If you enjoyed this book, you will love books by Lurlene McDaniel because her books also have to do with real people with real problems. If you are a girl anywhere between the ages of twelve to eighteen and like books about real life situations, then this book is for you! This book teaches many lessons about being true to yourself, knowing who your real friends are, and never giving up in yourself.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was great.I really enjoyed it.It is about a girl whose name is Chloe Miller,and has lots of questions about God and why he does certain things.Then she goes to a graveyard and there and therefore she builds her relationship with Christ and starts going to church with her brother and his friend Caitlan.Thank you Ms.Carlson for writing this incredible book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was truly incredible. I have never seen so much of myself in a novel's protagonist as I did with Chloe in this book. I'm sure many, many other teenagers could relate to how Chloe felt torn as well. It wouldn't even have to be a teenager, really. Anyone can experience the feeling of being lost, not knowing what to believe. Anyhow, the book was great. It'll always be one of my favorites. It's definently worth your while to read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
A girl named Chloe goes to a school and is not liked. She has a problem with this girl named Tiffany, because Tiffany doesn¿t like her. Chloe and Tiffany get into a fight and something happens. Then Chloe tries to be in a play. Tiffany also what to be in it to so what will happen between the two. Tiffany is a type of person that thinks she is better than other people. My Name IS Chloe is the title, and Chloe Miller is telling the story but Melody Carlson is the author. So if you want to know what happen you will have to read the book. What I like is that it tells how people that are not liked may have problems in school. I did not like it because, they did not like Chloe. They didn¿t like Chloe because she wore black, and different things then they wore to school. My Name Is Chloe is part of a series but you can¿t read them out of order, IF you read them out of order you may get confused. People that like stories, about the author¿s life may like this book, Yes there is a movie that reminds me of it and the name of it is Freak the Mighty.
Guest More than 1 year ago
My Name is Chloe, by Melody Carlson, is the story of a girl who turns her life around. At the beginning of the book, Chloe Miller is a girl who loves to make music and sing. She dresses kind of grunge and has her own opinions about everything. This makes her unpopular, especially as she is just entering high school. One girl that she doesn¿t like is Tiffany Knight. She tried hard to be ¿popular¿ and is mean to everyone. One day she almost gets into a fight with Chloe, but a girl named Laura saves her. She begins to make friends with another girl named Allie. When Allie comes to her house, she confesses that she is into witchcraft. This scares Chloe a little, but she thinks Allie is a really nice girl. Allie is interested in playing the drums, so she and Chloe play together sometimes. Chloe is also becoming friends with Laura. She plays bass, and the three of them are forming a band. Laura is introducing Chloe to having a relationship with God. One night, after Chloe performs at a local coffee shop, she feels very different and asks Jesus to enter her heart. From then on she is a Christian. Chloe thinks life with God will be perfect. At first it is, but then she learns that it¿s just life. And what will happen with their band? I really liked this book because it showed that when you have faith you can accomplish great things. Also, it showed that life isn¿t always perfect and was very realistic. I liked that the book didn¿t make everything sound perfect it made it real-life. The detail was pretty well-done. The only thing I didn¿t like was how in some spots, the plot seemed to slow down. Despite this, I still rate the book as a 5/5. This is the first book in the Chloe series, so you should read it first. You will enjoy this book if you have read other Melody Carlson books. Anyone trying to make their faith deeper or just looking for an uplifting story, this book is for you.