Table of Contents
Introduction: Why This Book? xiii
Section 1 Why Do We Get Stuck in Conflict?
1 Emotionally Charged Conflicts Are Hard to Resolve 3
2 Identity Matters (More Than You Think) 5
3 Is Identity Negotiable? 13
4 How to Avoid Getting Lured into Conflict 26
Section 2 How to Break Free
5 Stop Vertigo Before It Consumes You 35
6 Resist the Repetition Compulsion 55
7 Acknowledge Taboos 75
8 Respect the Sacred-Don't Assault It 97
9 Use Identity Politics to Unify 119
Section 3 How to Reconcile Relations
10 Bridging the Divide: A Four-Step Method 141
11 Uncover the Mythos of Identity 149
12 Work Through Emotional Pain 173
13 Build Crosscutting Connections 186
14 Reshape the Relationship 204
Section 4 How to Negotiate the Nonnegotiable
15 Manage Dialectics 219
16 Foster the Spirit of Reconciliation 239
Acknowledgments 241
Appendices 247
Notes 253
Select Bibliography 309
Index 323
Additional Resources 333