For anyone struggling with conflict, this book can transform you. Negotiating the Nonnegotiable takes you on a journey into the heart and soul of conflict, providing unique insight into the emotional undercurrents that too often sweep us out to sea. With vivid stories of his closed-door sessions with warring political groups, disputing businesspeople, and families in crisis, Daniel Shapiro presents a universally applicable method to successfully navigate conflict. A deep, provocative book to reflect on and wrestle with, this book can change your life.
Be warned: This book is not a quick fix. Real change takes work. You will learn how to master five emotional dynamics that can sabotage conflict outside your awareness:
1. Vertigo: How can you avoid getting emotionally consumed in conflict?
2. Repetition compulsion: How can you stop repeating the same conflicts again and again?
3. Taboos: How can you discuss sensitive issues at the heart of the conflict?
4. Assault on the sacred: What should you do if your values feel threatened?
5. Identity politics: What can you do if others use politics against you?
In our era of discontent, this is just the book we need to resolve conflict in our own lives and in the world around us.
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About the Author
Table of Contents
Introduction: Why This Book? xiii
Section 1 Why Do We Get Stuck in Conflict?
1 Emotionally Charged Conflicts Are Hard to Resolve 3
2 Identity Matters (More Than You Think) 5
3 Is Identity Negotiable? 13
4 How to Avoid Getting Lured into Conflict 26
Section 2 How to Break Free
5 Stop Vertigo Before It Consumes You 35
6 Resist the Repetition Compulsion 55
7 Acknowledge Taboos 75
8 Respect the Sacred-Don't Assault It 97
9 Use Identity Politics to Unify 119
Section 3 How to Reconcile Relations
10 Bridging the Divide: A Four-Step Method 141
11 Uncover the Mythos of Identity 149
12 Work Through Emotional Pain 173
13 Build Crosscutting Connections 186
14 Reshape the Relationship 204
Section 4 How to Negotiate the Nonnegotiable
15 Manage Dialectics 219
16 Foster the Spirit of Reconciliation 239
Select Bibliography 309
Additional Resources 333