Never Look Back

Never Look Back

by Kathy Herman
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Never Look Back by Kathy Herman

Forgiveness is one thing, but who really forgets?

Ivy Griffith has been released from jail after serving time for covering up the strangulation death of a high school classmate ten years earlier. She’s paid her debt to society. Kicked her drug habit. She’s making a fresh start.

Problem is, everyone in her hometown of Jacob’s Ear, Colorado, knows what she did. And her seven-year-old son, Montana, won’t stop probing about the father he has never met–the man Ivy was too stoned to even remember.

Plagued by her own shame and her little boy’s cries for male affirmation, Ivy is thrilled when Rue Kessler takes an interest in Montana and her. Maybe, just maybe, he’s the answer to prayer she’s been waiting for.

But Rue has a shadow hanging over his past and is suspected in a rash of bizarre, brutal beatings. He denies any involvement, and Ivy believes him–until she discovers he and Montana have kept a secret from her.

At a loss for what to believe or where to turn, Ivy’s on the verge of despair and wonders if even God has given up on her. Or is something bigger at play here–something being orchestrated outside of her control that’s about to bring down the curtain on everything including her past?

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780307561671
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Publication date: 02/19/2009
Series: Phantom Hollow Series
Sold by: Random House
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 336
Sales rank: 562,393
File size: 3 MB

About the Author

Kathy Herman is the bestselling author of twelve novels, including The Baxter series, Poor Mrs. Rigsby, and the Seaport Suspense novels. Her thought-provoking stories are ordinary enough to be believable, and extraordinary enough to stick with the reader long after the cover is closed. Kathy and her husband, Paul, live in Texas and have three grown children and five grandchildren. They enjoy world travel, deep sea fishing, and bird watching–sometimes incorporating all three into one big adventure!

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Read an Excerpt

Ivy Griffith approached the last gray security door and pressed the release button, her heart galloping and her legs as wobbly as a foal’s. She glanced up at the camera as she had been instructed to do, waited until she heard the lock disengage and the alarm sound, then pulled the door open and entered the public sector of the Tanner County Jail–a free woman!

She was surprised to see so many people scurrying about. Feeling a little lightheaded and suddenly wishing she had eaten breakfast, she made her way over to the far wall and leaned against it. She blew the bangs off her forehead and forced a smile for two female deputies eying her.

Lord, please don’t let me pass out and make a scene. I just want to go home!

“Ivy! Over here!”

She turned toward the unmistakable voice and spotted her father in the congested corridor, his hand waving in the air. She hurried toward him, zigzagging around several people before she finally caught up to him and lost herself in his embrace.

“Let’s go home, honey,” Elam Griffith finally said. “It’s over.”

Over. How the thought excited her! She had paid her debt to society and wanted nothing more than to move on with her life. Ivy walked arm-in-arm with her father to the exit door and stepped outside into the bright November sunshine. She inhaled deeply, drawing in the fresh mountain air, and whispered a prayer of thanks. She wondered how long it would be before any of this seemed real.

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing,” Elam said. “Montana was too wired to sleep last night. That boy can hardly wait to see you.”

“You explained why I didn’t want him to come down here, didn’t you?”

“Sure, but I really don’t think it would’ve bothered him. All he’s talked about for weeks is your coming home.”

“I just didn’t think it was necessary to saddle a seven-year-old with the memory of his mother being released from jail. I want him to remember this day as my coming home, not my getting out.

Elam smiled. “Well, however he looks at it, I expect that little scamp has his nose pressed against the living-room window. Let’s not keep him waiting. Come on, the Suburban’s parked across the street.”

“He seems to be thriving,” Ivy said. “Every time we’ve talked, he’s gone on and on about all the things he’s involved in. You and Mom have done a great job with him. I can never thank you enough.”

“No need to thank us, honey. We love Montana and have gotten really close to him. But he needs his mother.”

Ivy got in the Suburban and looked out at the towering San Juan Mountains that encircled the town of Jacob’s Ear with postcard beauty.

“After six months in that place, you can’t imagine how wonderful it is not to be looking through iron bars.”

“I suppose I can’t,” Elam said. “But it’s sure great seeing you dressed in your own clothes instead of that orange jumpsuit.”

“I promise you I’m going to give away everything in my closet that has even a speck of orange in it.”

“Good, because your mother can hardly wait to take you shopping. She’s already mapping out some elaborate strategy for hitting all the after- Thanksgiving sales.”

“Is she planning a big Thanksgiving dinner?”

Elam chortled. “Are you kidding? We’ll need to take both cars into town when she does her grocery shopping. Rusty and his family are driving in from Albuquerque. Our Thanksgiving table will be full for the first time in ages.”

Ivy wished she shared her father’s enthusiasm but wondered if she would even know her brother after all this time. And how he would react to all the trouble she had caused?

Elam started the car and pulled onto Main Street. “By the way, I ran into Mr. and Mrs. Hadley at the post office the other day. They were polite but never mentioned your getting out.”

“Do you think they’ve forgiven me?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

Ivy sighed. “It had to be devastating when they found out I covered up their son’s murder. Ten years is a long time to live with the false hope that he’d be found alive. And I let them believe it.”

“I’m sure it was, honey. But you can’t undo what was done. You served your time.”

Ivy looked over at Jewel’s Café as they passed by and noticed the green and white gingham curtains still framing the windows. “How’s Jewel?”

“Same old spitfire. She’d like you to come back to work for her.”

“Really? That’s surprising.”

“Oh, you know Jewel. She looks at the heart. It’s irrelevant whether you were away on vacation or did time in jail. She was happy with your work and has a job for you anytime you want it.”

“What a sweetheart. I enjoyed working at the café, but I can’t make a living waiting tables. I’ve got to figure out something else.”

“Funny, but your mother and I have been discussing this very thing.” Elam stroked his mustache. “We wondered if you’d consider being in charge of registration at the conference center. It pays three dollars more an hour than you were making at Jewel’s, and we’d let you and Montana live in one of the chalet cabins as a perk. Interested?”

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely. And full-time staff get medical insurance. It’s up to you, but we think it’s a good option.”

Ivy sat stunned, gratitude knotting in her throat. “I…I never dreamed you’d let me work at the camp.”

“Why not?”

“I have a criminal record now. You’ve got nice Christian people coming in and out of there. Just doesn’t seem appropriate.”

“Baloney. It’s appropriate if I say it’s appropriate. For crying out loud, Ivy, you recommitted your life to Christ. Besides, your mom and I own the place, remember?” He turned to her and winked, the corners of his mouth twitching. “You’d be good at it. Give it some thought.”

As they drove out of the city limits and onto Three Peaks Road, her father waved at someone in a red pickup, then put his cell phone to his ear. “Carolyn, it’s me… Yeah, it went fine. Only took us a minute to hook up… She looks great… I know he’s champing at the bit. Tell him we’re about fifteen minutes from home…”

Home. Ivy nestled in the heated leather seat, her heart racing with hope. She looked out across Phantom Hollow at the jagged, snowcapped peaks that still took her breath away, confident that Montana would grow up loving and respecting this unspoiled beauty the way she had–and that her parents would be the stabilizing force in his life.

She closed her eyes, the sun warming her face, and let herself dream about what the future might hold. The idea of living with her son in their own home and finally being able to support him was very exciting, even if it was possible only because of her parents’ generosity. She wasn’t about to pass up her dad’s job offer, but she wondered if the Three Peaks staff would resent his hiring a family member–worse yet, one who’d been in jail–with no job experience beyond waiting tables.

“Dad, how do Jake and Brandon feel about me coming to work at the camp? I mean, it sounds like you pulled rank on them.”

“Think so, do you?” Elam’s tone was playful. “Why don’t you let them speak for themselves? Take a look…”

Ivy opened her eyes as the car slowed and finally stopped in front of the entrance to Three Peaks Christian Camp and Conference Center. Huge yellow ribbons had been tied on either side of the stone entrance, and all along the road beyond staff people stood waving yellow streamers.

“Welcome home, Ivy!” they shouted, almost in unison.

“Oh, Dad…” Ivy put her hand over her mouth but was unable to keep the tightness in her throat from turning to sobs.

She heard Brandon Jones’s unique whistle above all the cheering, but as the car inched forward, all she saw was a blurry mass of smiling faces.

“Hey, Mom! Over here! Mom!” Ivy’s heart leaped. She wiped her eyes and surveyed the wall of wellwishers until she spotted Montana jumping up and down and waving his arms in the air. She flung open the door and ran to him, then picked him up and twirled him around in a circle before planting kisses all over his cold, soft cheeks.

“I’ve missed you so much!”

Montana giggled, a jack-o’-lantern smile taking up half his face. “Do you like our surprise?”

“I love your surprise!” It was a million times better than their being reunited at the jail.

“It was Kelsey and Brandon’s idea. Cool, huh?”

“Very.” Ivy felt a hand squeeze her shoulder and looked up into the most loving gaze she’d ever seen. “Mom…” Ivy threw her arms around her mother and just let the tears go. “It’s so great to be home.”

“There’s been such a void since you left,” Carolyn Griffith said. “This family just isn’t complete without you.”

Family. The word warmed her down to her soul, like hot cocoa on a blustery day. Before Ivy could let go of her mother, she was completely enveloped in a group hug. When everyone finally let go and stepped back, her gaze fell on Kelsey Jones’s radiant face. “Guess you can you tell we’re glad to see you,” Kelsey said.

“Goodness, I never expected anything like this.” Ivy laughed and cried at the same time. “Montana said this was Brandon’s and your idea.”

Brandon Jones smiled, tongue in cheek, and reached for Kelsey’s hand. “What can we say? We’re just a couple of party animals.” Ivy moved her eyes from person to person, touched by the acceptance she saw on all their faces.

“Elam said you might like to work registration,” Jake Compton said. “I really need someone to take it over ASAP. Brandon’s been pinch-hitting since summer camp ended, but he’s really lousy at it.”

Brandon elbowed Jake in the ribs. “Okay, Ivy, you going to get me off the hook here? If you don’t come on board, heaven only knows how long I’ll have to put up with this abuse.”

“Mom, take the job!” Montana said. “You should see the house we get to live in. It’s got this really cool loft that can be my room.”

Ivy brushed her fingers through her son’s thick auburn hair and reveled in the moment, hoping she wasn’t going to wake up in her bunk at the county jail and realize she’d been dreaming.

Sheriff Flint Carter sat at his desk scanning the arrest listings in Friday’s edition of the Tri-County Courier, hoping nothing would happen between then and five o’clock to interfere with his having a relaxing weekend. He heard footsteps in the hallway and glanced up just as Lieutenant Bobby Knolls appeared in the doorway.

“There you are,” Flint said. “Did you follow up on that tip?”

Bobby blew a pink bubble and sucked the gum into his mouth. “Yeah, we spent all morning searchin’ the area around Jacob’s mine. Sure would help if the caller had told us what we’re supposed to be lookin’ for. If there is somethin’ suspicious goin’ on out there, we sure couldn’t find it. Seemed like a big waste of time. So anything interesting goin’ on here?
Was Ivy Griffith released?”

“At nine o’clock this morning. I feel really good about it.”

“Some folks think it stinks that she only served half her sentence.”

“Tough. Her time was reduced exactly the same as every other inmate rewarded for good behavior. Until the taxpayers are willing to approve funding for a bigger jail, they’re just going to have to live with our system of two days’ credit for each day served.”

“Yeah, if we kept every inmate for the duration of his sentence, we’d have to start usin’ office space and chainin’ them to the radiators.”

“Exactly. So let the whiners put their tax money where their mouth is.”Bobby stepped inside Flint’s office and leaned against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. “Actually, I think it’s more personal than that. A lot of folks want someone punished for Joe Hadley’s murder. It’s almost like they don’t even remember that it was Ivy’s boyfriend and two of his teammates that did it. Since those guys are dead, she’s the only one left to blame.”

“The girl was guilty of covering for her friends. She’s not a murderer. And in all my years as sheriff, I’ve never seen anyone else voluntarily come forward ten years after the crime and insist on being charged, even though the statute of limitations had run. Ivy asked for the maximum when she could’ve walked.” Flint took off his reading glasses and laid them on the desk. “People should try cutting her some slack.”

“Let’s hope they do. Think you and Elam’ll ever be friends again?”

“I don’t know, Bobby. It’d be awkward trying to go back to the way things were before I put his daughter in jail.”

“Have you ever talked to him about it?”

“I meant to. But things got busy over the summer, and time got away from me.”

“Are you goin’ to?”

“What’s with all the questions? Have you finished your end-of-theweek report yet?” Bobby unfolded his arms and walked over to the doorway, then stopped and spun around. “Look, Sheriff. It’s really none of my business. But it’s a shame that you and Elam haven’t spoken since Ivy went to jail. You were just doin’ your job. He wouldn’t have respected you for doin’ less.”

“Go back to work, Bobby.”

“Most guys never have a close friend like that. Maybe you shouldn’t let it go so easily.”

“I never said anything about letting it go. I just said it was awkward.” Bobby held his gaze, one eyebrow arched. “Then why don’t you deal with it so it won’t be?”

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Reading Group Guide

1. Do you believe 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness,” should be taken literally? If not, what do you think this verse means? Do you believe there’s any other way to be forgiven by God than confessing our sin?

2. Are there sins you’ve confessed that you don’t feel forgiven for? If so, can you identify the reason why you have doubts? Does your reasoning line up with Scripture? Is it possible it’s actually you who hasn’t forgiven the sin and not God?

3. Is there a difference between deeply regretting your sinful past and being guilt-ridden? If so, can you explain the difference? What is the biblical remedy for guilt and shame?

4. Is there a sin in your past that you’ve confessed but live in fear of someone else finding out? If so, are you still carrying the shame? According to 1 John 1:9, has God forgiven you? Can anything positive come from your carrying the shame? What do you think God wants you to do?

5. When a believer continues to struggle with guilt, do you think confiding in a trusted brother or sister in Christ could be a powerful tool for letting it go? Can you think of some cautions a person should consider before doing this?

6. Can you think of a situation when you heard someone share something surprising about his or her struggle with sin and you actually found yourself respecting that person more for having had the courage to admit it? Were you able to empathize with his/her weakness? Did the person seem more real to you afterward?

7. Can deeper healing result from knowing we’re loved and accepted in spite of our sin? Do you think God can use your sinful mistakes as a means of teaching you empathy for others who also struggle?

8. Do you believe God always forgives a person who has repented and asked His forgiveness? If so, do you believe His grace would be given in equal measure to someone like Ivy Griffith for a decade of abusing her body, as it would to Elam Griffith for harboring a six-month grudge? Explain your answer.

9. In Matthew 18:22, Jesus tells us to forgive others seventy times seven. Do you think that statement should be taken literally? If not, what do you think it means? Do you think there’s value in applying that same principle when forgiving ourselves?

10. Do you think God punishes us if we don’t repent once we realize we’re sinning? When you’ve experienced hardship, have you ever secretly feared that God was punishing you? Is it possible He was disciplining you as outlined in Hebrews 12:7—11?

11. Have you ever experienced this type of godly discipline? Did it make you fearful, or remorseful? Did it eventually cause you to grow more Christlike?

12. Do you believe Psalm 103:12, which says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us,” should be taken literally? If not, what do you think it means? If so, should we ever dredge up the sins we’ve already confessed?

13. Is there ever a time when we have the right to hold someone else’s sin against him or her? If you think there is, find biblical support for your answer.

14. What are some of the faulty perceptions a person might have that create stumbling blocks to accepting God’s forgiveness? Do faulty perceptions change the truth of 1 John 1:9?

15. Who was your favorite character in this story? If you could meet that person, what would you like to say to him or her?

16. Did God speak to your heart through this story? Was there a particular thought or principle you took away?

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Never Look Back 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 6 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
An outstanding book. Lost of intrigue and excitement.
Nicole Wieser More than 1 year ago
excellent suspense book! i could not put the bookdown and have borrowed the book to everyone i know! a must read!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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harstan More than 1 year ago
Ivy Griffith spent time behind bars for her role in covering up the strangulation death of Joe Hadley ten years ago (see EVER PRESENT DANGER). Now freed, she vows to NEVER LOOK BACK at her mistake as she starts anew with her seven-year-old son Montana working at her parents¿ Christian retreat center in Jacob¿s Ear, Colorado though she knows some locals will never forgive her for her silence.------------ Ivy thinks things are going her way when she meets kind hearted Rue Kessler. He is nice to her and her child, who desperately seeks adult male attention. However, someone begins assaulting townsfolk. The brutal attacks point towards Rue. Chastised once for believing in a boy, Ivy wonders if she will rue the day by believing in another male.------------- The second Phantom Hollow tale continues the story of Ivy, who has begun her redemption trek only to be on the wrong side of public opinion again. Rue is an interesting male in peril character as he seems to be the violent stalker. Although the key twist seem implausible, the changes in Ivy from her return home in EVER PRESENT DANGER makes Kathy Herman¿s tale a fun sequel, but read the previous book first to appreciate how far she has come.------------ Harriet Klausner