Parenting through Divorce: Helping Your Children Thrive During and After the Split

Parenting through Divorce: Helping Your Children Thrive During and After the Split


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Parenting through Divorce: Helping Your Children Thrive During and After the Split by Lisa René Reynolds

Divorce has devastating effects on children. Yet for divorcing parents who carefully consider and manage the intricacies associated with this difficult time, both parents, as seen from the child’s perspective, can remain as loving and supportive as they ever were.

Parenting Through Divorce concisely lays out the specific emotions and reactions parents need to anticipate from their children while going through separation, divorce, and its aftermath. Rather than weighing parents down with complicated plans, confusing information, and legal terminology, this book takes a commonsense approach, providing readers in a state of emotional distress with the practical, down-to-earth advice they need to sensibly and comfortingly guide their children through this often-painful process.

Covering the most common mistakes divorcing parents tend to make, as well as addressing special issues that come up for kids of different age groups, this book helps you retain a strong, healthy, and loving environment for your child, even in the midst of change. This is a much-needed repository of wisdom and practical counsel for any family going through a time of heightened feelings and fragile relationships.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781510726802
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Publication date: 09/26/2017
Pages: 208
Sales rank: 782,554
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.25(h) x (d)

About the Author

Lisa René Reynolds, PhD, is a therapist specializing in marriage counseling and therapy with families going through divorce. She has master’s and PhD degrees in marital and family therapy, and is dual-licensed in Connecticut and New York State. Her past nonfiction books include Coming Out and Covering Up: Catholic Priests Talk About the Sex Scandals in the Church. Her fiction work, Who Holds the Torch for Eddie? , on the eerie and infamous (Edgar Allan) Poe Toaster ritual is available as an e-book. Reynolds resides in Connecticut.

Table of Contents

Foreword ix

Introduction xii

Chapter 1 The Bad News and the Good News … and How to Make More of the Good News 1

Case Studies 3

How to Avoid Negative Verbal Exchanges That Hurt Your Children 7

Chapter 2 Reducing the Risk of Traumatizing Your Children 14

How to Tell Your Children About the Divorce 15

Once You've Told Your Children About the Divorce 24

Chapter 3 Taking Care of Yourself … for Your Kids 31

Understanding the Nature of Stress 32

Causes of Stress in a Divorce and How to Minimize Them 34

Relieving Stress 44

Chapter 4 Managing Parenting Time with Your Children and Ex-Spouse 53

Trends in Divorce Involving Children 53

Problems with Parenting Time 55

What to Do If 60

Two Important Rules of Parenting Time 67

Limited Parenting Time 68

Practical Ideas to Help Parenting Time Go More Smoothly 70

Chapter 5 Questions That Divorcing Parents Ask 74

When Only One Parent Is Helping Children Cope with Divorce 74

(Failed) Marriage Memorabilia and Closure 75

What (and How Much) to Tell Children About the Reasons for a Divorce 78

Helping Children When One Parent Has a Hard Time Handling the Divorce 80

When Children Don't Agree That the Divorce Is for the Best 82

When One Parent Begins to Date 83

Opposing Approaches to Parenting 85

Sex Between Divorcing Mates 86

Children's Differing Responses to a Divorce 88

Chapter 6 The Biggest Mistakes Divorcing Parents Make (And How Not to Make Them) 90

Ending the Marriage Too Quickly 90

Criticizing the Other Parent in Front of the Children 91

Fighting in Front of the Children 92

Making Erroneous Assumptions 93

Completely Cutting Off from a Child 94

Using the Wrong Words 96

Using the Child as an Informant or a Spy 97

Using the Child as a Confidante 99

Forcing Children to Choose Sides 100

Failing to Be Consistent in Payment of Child Support 101

Giving in to Children's Manipulation 102

Failing to Follow Through with Agreed-Upon Pickups and Drop-Offs 104

Chapter 7 Special Issues for Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers 106

The Developmental Features of Infancy 107

Developmental Features of the Toddler Phase 115

The Developmental Features of the Preschooler Phase 121

Chapter 8 Special Issues for School-Age Children 128

The Developmental Features of the School-Age Phase 129

When to Worry 140

Questions Divorcing Parents Should Discuss 142

Chapter 9 Special Issues for Adolescents 146

The Developmental Features of Adolescence 147

All Grown Up? 151

The Adolescent's Need to Be Loved 152

Questions Parents Should Ask Each Other 153

Different Rules for Different Households 155

Who's the Parent Here? 156

Expressing Feelings 161

When to Worry 164

Chapter 10 From the Mouths of Babes 166

Stages of Grief and Death 166

Different Timelines for Grief and Adjustment 167

The Little Things Count 169

Things That Hurt Kids Most 170

Common Questions Children Ask (and Some Simple Responses) 175

Afterword 178

Appendix A Resources for Divorcing Parents 179

Appendix B Common Mistakes Divorcing Parents Make 184

Acknowledgments 186

About the Author 188

Index 189

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