Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child

Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child

by Nancy Newton Verrier


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780963648006
Publisher: Verrier Publications
Publication date: 03/28/2003
Pages: 252
Sales rank: 46,655
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.60(d)

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Primal Wound 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 13 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
In the last 3 years, both my husband and our oldest daughter have been reunited with their birth mothers, he doing so at 48,she at 23. I will have to say that even though the search/reunion and being in reunion has been extremely intense, it has been the best thing for both of them, and ultimately the rest of our family has benefitted from it. They know, at long last, who they are, where they came from, but more importantly, the answer to their lifelong question, 'WHY did you give me away?' As a pastor's wife, when anyone queries our unique situation, I purchase and give to them, with love, 'The Primal Wound' in an attempt to help them in their journey. I will also say that the relationship we now have with our daughter after her search is absolutely one of God's greatest gifts to us; as is the relationship and love that we now have with my husband/their father. I thought, ignorantly and yet innocently, that if I loved each enough, I could make up for the primal wound---WRONG. I loved them enough to walk through this journey with them, and go full circle, and we have a family unit now that is second to none! Thank you, Nancy, for your book...I will continue spreading it to those in need.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I would like to thank Nancy N. Verrier for publishing the book. The book helped me to understand myself much better. I consider it to be the adoption bible since it helps people understand us adoptees much better. Because of the book, I understood that my feelings and issues were not alone. It should be read by everyone so that they would understand how we adoptees feel and what our core issues are. The book helps people to understand that we should be able to search for our biological parents if we want to. That should be our right to do if we are to be able to heal properly. In my opinion, people, who are not in the adoption triad, should not get involved at all. I can understand the adoptive parents' fear of their adopted ones wanting to search. Once, I asked my mother what her fear is about my wanting to search and she told me that she may lose me to my birthparents. I assured her that my birthparents cannot replace her or my father. My adoptive parents were the ones who raised me and my relationship with them is very strong. Adoptive parents do not have to fear losing their adopted children if the relationship is strong. Adoptive parents, who help search for the birthparents, have a stornger relationship with their adopted children. My adoptive parents are very supportive of my wanting to search, but like other adoptees who want to search, I feel very guilty for wanting to search. I know that I should not feel that way, but I do. My advise for adoptive parents is that if they support their adopted children in searching, the relationship may get stronger. It will prove that the adoptive parents love and care about their adopted children very much. I know that my parents love and care for me very much. I know I can speak for myself. I WILL NOT ABANDON MY ADOPTIVE PARENTS IF MY SEARCH IS SUCCESSFUL. Thank you, Nancy, for publishing the book The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child. Michael P. Mitchell
Bearerofbooks More than 1 year ago
Everywhere I took this book people of all ages and professions were intrigued. Goes into depth on a biological level, being an adoptee I finally felt as if I could start to understand myself. I recommend this book to any parent, adoptee, or person that feels lost and wants to understand their roots, and why they are feeling the way they are feeling. Validating not only for the adoptee but the birthmother also. A realistic view on adoption not from the people who are adoptings perspective. Be able to keep an open mind and accept how the other sides of the adoption triad feel and think. If you can do that this book will teach you more than you ever could imagine.
Zealan More than 1 year ago
As an adoptive mom and a therapist, this book has helped me look at subconscious parts of my son's actions and reactions. It also helps me better understand the anger and confusion my clients feel who are adopted. Nancy Verrier has a unique insight that most do not share. She is the mother of two daughters; one adopted and one biological. By studying the relationships with her two daughters, she began to see that there is a hole in relationships for many adoptees. What wonderful insight for her practice and ours.
Guest More than 1 year ago
As a counselor, this is the Best book on adoptees that I have ever read. Invariably, when I hand it to my clients, they read the preface and put it down because it brings up so many emotions. The first 6 chapters or so are tough but it gets easier to read as one progresses. When they have finished reading this book, their comment is something like 'Finally, I have the words to describe the emotions that I didn't even know I had. I knew there was something but I have never been able to figure out what it was.' This is a must read for adoptees, a woman who plans to adopt her child out, and especially for anyone thinking of adopting. It is encouraging to know, according to Verrier, that adoptions can work if we will get realistic attitudes about this issue. I have also found that the issues presented in this book apply to those who were abandoned by their mothers but were never adopted (i.e. live with dad only, foster care, death, etc.) Thank you Nancy Verrier!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Thank you very much for writing an enlightening and informative and truthful book. I have helped several people who are adoptees in the encouragement of finding their biological parents. I am not adopted but in the work I do as a teacher and a metaphysical counselor, I certainly saw the great need to heal the old wounds. In addition, the focus of all children being abandoned. I recommend this book. Thank YOU, Nancy !!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This eye opening book validated so many thoughts I have had about adoption in general. I felt that although it discusses the irreprable damage done by severing that primal bond between child and mother, it offers hope for healing.
Guest More than 1 year ago
We adopted an infant boy twelve years ago and wish we could have found access to this kind of insite then. We strongly recommend this book for anyone thinking of adopting and consider it a must for anyone who has or has been adopted.PLEASE help inform others now when they can use it. Excellent!!!
autumnesf on LibraryThing 7 months ago
This book is referenced alot in adoption literature. I really didn't want to read it since everything referenced always seemed dark. This is one book Nancy let me borrow & encouraged me to read. I'm not sorry I read it; I learned a few things - BUT the author states that any adoptee that grows up & seems normal has serious problems of denial & needs serious help. I also disagree that mother & baby should be kept together at ALL costs - even if it means we put her on welfare for 3 yrs while she raises the child by herself & doesn't work. Sorry, but you cannot raise healthy, well adjusted, PRODUCTIVE members of society if you aren't one yourself. I am a 100% believer in staying home with your children - but not on welfare, at my expense. More 2 parents families could afford to have mom stay home if we weren't supporting so much of this.Iceland has a system where any related family member living is responsible for the mother & child before the government (this includes extended family, not just parents). It's the law/rules. If you have family - no welfare. Then I could see the "keep them together at all costs" thing. The book is worth a read - but don't make it the only book you read - or you will never adopt. It is very anti-adoption.
hypatia_lea on LibraryThing 7 months ago
I initially thought this book was just someone being a little too fanciful.But then of the adult-adoptees that I know, I could definitely say that the 'primal wound' applies to about half of them. That the author thinks it applies to 'all' adoptees and that those who think it doesn't are just in denial - I don't agree. That the author thinks the primal wound applies to babies left in humidity cribs or to babies left in the 'baby' ward of a hospital for a week or more (like they did in the old days) - well - the later happened to almost all of us born in the 60's or earlier, - and I'm not sure we can blame the primal wound for all the problems of almost everyone born in a developed country who is currently aged in their 40's and older???
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Guest More than 1 year ago
As a well informed adoptive mother, I only wish we had this book from the beginning and not twenty seven years later. The book articulated some of the things we were all feeling and explained the reasons why. Our family searched found, and was reunited with the birth mom, but the healing continues. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in adoption.